Fine Line Between Love and Friendship
by akkin101
Summary: This story is about 8 best friends Santana Lopez, Quinn Fabray, Aria Montgomery, Spencer Hastings, Emily Fields, Hanna Marin, Rachel Berry and Sam Evans unexpectedly falling in love...with each other. Question is, are they willing to step on that fine line to find the answer in their 'what ifs?
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

* * *

True love? I used to believe in it. But when you've had your heart torn out and thrown on the floor, you just don't care anymore…

"_So you're still leaving?" I asked her, I wanted her to say no. I want her to stay and be always by my side. But it wasn't my choice to make, and even if it were, I think it would be selfish of me to make her stay._

"_Yeah." She said quietly, I almost didn't hear it. I know it's hard for her too. But… "This is my dream, to go to Yale. I'm just so glad I got accepted." Her smile was there again, that smile saying she's really happy. Then there's her look saying 'I wish you guys are happy for me too'_

"_I'm happy for you" I said smiling my best smile._

"_Oh you look really happy." She said sarcastically. She knows me too well. But that's what puzzles me. How can she see all of my feelings except my love for her?_

_I looked at her seriously. This time I didn't fail to not smile. "I'm happy for you, really." I looked at her and continued, "But I'm not so sure if I'm happy for myself."_

"_Come on. Stop being so dramatic, San." Quinn said playfully. Sometimes, I think she knows how I really feel about her. But it makes me ask myself. If she does, then why doesn't she do anything about it? Is it because it doesn't bother her? Or because she just doesn't care?_

"_I'm serious Q." I looked down. "We'll miss you; Rach, Spence, Em, Hanna, Aria and Sam. We all are going to miss you."_

_She held my hand, and like usual, I feel that electricity people talk about. And those butterflies too, I feel it everytime I think about her. "I've read a quote before, it was in the cover of my notebook, it said there that friends are like stars; they're not always seen, but they're always there." She smiled again. It was a sweet smile, she always have the sweetest smiles._

_I wanted to tell her that she wasn't just a star to me, she is my whole damn sky. But I couldn't._

_But despite that, I can't help but smile too. "You know I'm not the serious type of person, right?"_

"_Definitely." She chuckled._

"_But these past few days, I've been really serious. Thinking about a lot of things…" I don't even know why I'm saying this but I have to somehow let it out, even little by little._

"_Like what?" She asked curiously._

"_About you." I said as I looked at her again. I saw that look again, that look of adoration, I can see it but sometimes I wish that she tells it to me too. That she's happy and she's touched. But we never say it. We don't talk about stuffs that deep, like feelings._

_Instead she laughed. "Yeah right."_

"_I'm trying to be serious here, Quinn." I said, of course I said it as if it was just a joke._

"_My bad, okay, continue." She said chuckling._

"_I'll miss hanging out in this park with you. This is our so-called secret place even though it's a public place. And without you in it, it just won't be the same." I think I'm about to cry, but I did my best to stop it. We have this perception that only weak people cry. And our ego is too big for us to be weak._

_She didn't say anything this time. And I can see that her eyes are welling up too._

"_Would you miss me?" I was embarrassed the moment I said that. I sounded pathetic._

"_I'd miss them." She said and laughed again. I frowned and her smile grew bigger._

_I smirked. "Wait, is there some kind of a punch line?"_

_She laughed sarcastically, "No, there isn't."_

_My smile fade. I think she meant that as a joke but I still want to hear her say that she'll miss me. "So you're not going to miss me?"_

"_I just won't." Quinn said nonchalantly._

_I looked at her. I contemplated for a while, then spoke again._

"_It's hard to give up on something when you know it might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want." I looked at her straight in the eyes. I hoped that maybe, just maybe, this time she'll get it right. That this time she'd be able to understand what I'm really telling her._

_She smiled. And it broke a piece of me. She didn't get it. I almost give up on her, but like I said, it's hard to give up when you know it's everything you ever wanted._

"_You are really dramatic. Maybe I'll miss you someday. Maybe."_

_I sighed. I wanted to tell her right here and then that I love her, but I can't. Like always, I'm afraid of what her reaction will be. What if she has no idea that I like her? What if she knows but she ignores it for the sake of our friendship? I don't want to risk our friendship. It matters to me so much. She'll be leaving soon, what if she finds someone there who's better than me? My head is really overloading of my 'what ifs'._

"_Santana?"_

_I snapped back to reality. "Yeah?"_

"_It's getting late, don't you think? We still got classes tomorrow." Quinn being Quinn._

"_I'll walk you home." It's our routine, because her house is nearer than mine, I get to walk her home. I get to make sure she's safe. Without her thinking more to it._

* * *

"Santana Lopez, how's yesterday?" Emily said to me as I sat beside her at the school pathway.

So I told her everything Quinn and I talked about. Besides Quinn, Emily is my closest friend. I got to tell her everything. She reads me like an open book too. I can tell her anything, even things that I can't tell Quinn. She's like my sister actually. She's the one who gives me advices. That's why I love her so much.

"When are you really going to tell her? You've only got a month." It's been her line since we found out that Quinn was accepted in Yale as a transferee student.

"I don't know. You know how coward I am when it comes to her." It's no secret that I like girls, and everyone I care about accepts that. I have many flings before, they tell me I'm kind of a player, but when it comes to Quinn, I chicken out. "Maybe in the right time."

"You always say that, but how will you know it's the right time?" That made me think: 'How will I?'

Our conversation was cut short when Rachel, Hanna and Spencer came. I haven't told them yet that I'm in love with our best friend. Actually, I intentionally don't want to tell them, because Rachel doesn't agree with me being in serious relationships with girls, while Spencer doesn't agree with me being with a girl at all. She doesn't hate me for it though. Like I said, they accept me. But Spencer never fails on telling me how dating a guy is much better and much right. Hanna, for that matter…well, I don't really have a problem with her. She doesn't mind that I date girls at all.

"Where's Sam and Aria?" I asked curiously.

"Aren't you going to ask where Quinn is?" Rachel asked teasingly. She knows I intentionally didn't mention Quinn. I didn't answer. "Bitter."

We laughed at that. They know Quinn and I are really close to each other in a platonic manner. And they know that I just act like I don't care, but I'm really going to be one of the saddest person when Quinn leaves. "Whatever, Rachel."

Hanna hooked her right arm in my shoulder, "Let's go to class."

"I hope Mrs. Walter is absent today. I don't feel like listening today." Rachel said.

"Me too." We all agreed.

* * *

When we arrived in the classroom, Emily sat beside me on the front, right corner. We always seat on the front; in this subject beside me is Em, beside her is Aria, then Sam, then Quinn, then beside her is Rachel, then Spencer and in the other end is Hanna.

So in other words, Em and I can talk about stuff about Quinn because Aria and Sam knows about it too. Actually, I didn't tell the three that I love Quinn, they noticed it, I just admitted it to them. At first I was scared, but in the end, I was glad I admitted, because these guys really helped me a lot.

We did various plans on surprising Quinn, like talking to strangers to give her flowers, going to a third floor of a building while holding cardboards so everyone can see how badly we don't want her to go, etc. The seven of us participated actually. But Em, Aria and Sam know a deeper reason why we did it; I did it so I can show Quinn how much effort I can do to make her stay; so I can at least say to myself that I tried. While Rach, Spence and Hanna did it simply because we want her to stay.

"So what now?" Emily started.

"I did my best. I mean, it's her dream, there's nothing more we can do about it. She really wants it." I said trying to hide my sadness, even though I know that Emily will see it anyway.

"You still haven't told her yet. Come on, don't let your love go unexpressed, especially to someone you love most." Emily once again said something deep.

"I don't know Em. I just can't right now."

Emily sighed.

I sighed too. We both know there's nothing we can do much. Unless I decided to tell her how I feel. But it's just something I can't really do right now. I'm not good enough for her.

I steal a glance at her. I thought of the times I wanted to give up. Everytime I wanted to give up there's something inside me telling me to just give it time. And maybe that's all we need. Maybe she has to go. Maybe we needed to be apart. Maybe I needed this, so I can make sure that this isn't just one of those impersonations of love.

* * *

Quinn and Spencer weren't around because of Church activities. Hanna was with her suitor, Caleb while Rachel is practicing for a singing contest. That leaves me, Emily, Aria and Sam. These are the times when we really get to talk about my problems with Q.

"So, you're not going to surprise her or anything anymore?" Aria asked.

I nodded. "I don't think there's much to do. She already prepared her papers. She's all set, she's just waiting for the enrollment."

"Aren't we going out? It's summer vacation, and Quinn is leaving soon. Maybe you can tell her then, if ever we go out." Sam stated.

I sighed. "Do you think I'm really in love with her?" I asked, It's not that I'm not sure of how I feel, it's just that I'm not sure if this is what they call real love.

"Is this still a discussion? Look, infatuation can only hold the mind for a maximum of four months, you've been head-over-heels for Quinn for a year and a half. Which means you're in love." Emily stated.

"Woah. Really, Em? Where did you research that?" Sam asked in amusement.

"Shut up, Sam. We're trying to be serious here." Emily slapped Sam's arm.

"Besides, if what I see now isn't true love, then I don't know what else to call it." Aria added.

I want to tell Quinn that I'm in love with her, when the time comes that I'm more than a hundred percent sure that I really am in love with her. I've never felt this feeling before, not with any boys, and not with any girls. But I can't be sure of what it really is. In this world, there is so much of what looks like love, and sounds like love, but it isn't. It's just people saying and doing what they think they ought to do.

"Okay, say let's say you're not in love with her. Isn't it enough that your feelings for her are special? Isn't it enough for you to take risk that she makes you feel the way she makes you feel? I know you're both girls, and I know that you might not admit it, but it bothers you. Well I'm telling you now. It's not about what you are, it's about what you feel. And if you ask me, she deserves someone like you, and you deserve her." It amazes me, how Emily can say those things. I'm a year older than her but she thinks way more mature than I am. It's like she know the right things to say. And she always makes me think twice about my decisions.

I just smiled then looked down. "It's just hard to tell her. I mean, of all the people, why her? Why someone who's so devoted to her religion. You know how they think, homosexuality is a sin." There, I finally said it. That's why I'm so afraid of telling her, because there is a bigger chance that she will reject me.

"Sometimes, the hardest things are the same as the right things, S." Aria said nonchalantly. Most of the time, me and my friends are crazy, but it amazes me how they suddenly turn into mature people when we talk about problems.

"Love shouldn't be a secret. If you love someone, tell them. You'll always regret it if you don't." Emily added. I was about to say something about how hard it is when she continued, "I know it's hard for, trust me, I know. But if you really love someone, you'll set your fears aside."

"If only I can make her stay."

"It's painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go. But it's more painful to ask someone to stay if they really want to go." Emily does it again.

Sometimes, it makes me think how Emily knows so much about these things. She never told us anything about her love life. I don't even know if she has one. She never mentioned that she experienced being in love either. But she's got to be in love, or else, where do these words of wisdom comes from?

* * *

I hope Quinn can go to our secret place like I asked her. I think I'm ready to tell her now. I've thought about this a lot of times. And I don't think I can let her go without telling her how I feel. I've been practicing on my head over and over what I'm going to say to her, when I felt her hands on my shoulders.

"You seem to be thinking deep."

I chuckled nervously. I tapped the grassed ground, she sat beside me.

"So, what's the matter?" she asked. I don't like this feeling. She doesn't seem to be comfortable. But, I can't back out now.

"I have something really important to tell you." Her smile faded. And it made me a million times more nervous. She kept silent. She doesn't just keep silent when I turn on my serious face. Now, I was having second thoughts again.

"I know, I can't make you stay here. I know, even if I say this to you, I won't be able to change your decision, but I wanted to tell you this. I-" I saw her look at me straight in the eyes. It made me stop talking. I don't know if I'm just imagining things but her eyes looked like it was pleading.

I tried to give her a questioning look, but I didn't get any response. I cleared my throat. I was about to speak again but she cut me off.

"I already know." That's all she said. I waited for more but that's all she said.

"Know what?" It scared the hell out of me. What is she talking about? What does she know? Am I right all along? She pretends to not notice because she doesn't love me yet she doesn't want to ruin our friendship?

She didn't answer. Instead she smiled. But it wasn't the same smile she usually has. All I can hear is silence. I did the best thing I could think of, look at her, pleading for an answer.

"I will always love you. So go easy on yourself." I couldn't believe what she just said. I almost died of happiness. The butterflies in my stomach seemed like flying wildly.

And out of all the words, what I managed to say was "What?"

"Silly. I said I'll always love you. You're always going to be here in my heart. You're my friends." It's like she gave me wings, taught me how to fly, then all of a sudden when we reached the highest peak she cuts off my wings and let me fall to the ground.

I tried to maintain the smile, but it faded.

"Don't tell me you're going to complain about me calling you silly." Quinn said in a feigned annoyed tone.

I wanted to smile but I really can't. I know it was my fault, because I let myself expect too much. But, all my dreams were like, it crashed down. I had the courage but now, I don't know anymore.

"Hey, what's wrong? Sorry if I called you Silly." Quinn said and reached my hand.

I didn't let her touch me though. "Damn, Quinn, why are you so numb?"

Quinn just gave me a confused look.

"Don't you have just even the slightest idea how much you make my heart beat faster just by thinking about you? How could you not notice that I love you?"

She didn't answer. She stood up. But she didn't walk away.

"What, you're going to walk away now?" I didn't want to get mad but I am. I'm mad and hurt. Sure I don't expect a positive answer, maybe I'm hoping, but she didn't even bother to look at me. Is that her answer? Silence?

I stood up, and faced her. "Would you please talk?"

Something pinched me in my heart. She was crying. I didn't know what to do, or how to react. This time, I can't read her, I don't know why she's crying, heck, I don't know what to do. "Quinn?"

She looked at me. She didn't bother wiping her tears that are still streaming down on her face. But still there was no answer. Then she looked away.

"Santana, I know that you love me. I do. And I appreciate all the things that you do for me." She finally spoke. And it lit a little hope in my heart. "And someday I might return the favor of you guys being such good friends." You've got to be kidding me. She is definitely playing dumb right now. I guess I've got my answer. She doesn't love me back.

"I understand." I said coldly. She didn't even had the guts to recognize my feelings for her, and that hurt so badly.

She gave me an apologetic look. "Sometimes you have to put a fake smile on and pretend like it never happened. It's not called giving up, it's called growing up"

"Easy for you to say. You don't know how hard it is; hearing something that absolutely kills you inside and having to act like you don't care." By that, I left. I don't want to cry in front of her. This time, it's not because I'm afraid of being called weak but because I want to convince myself that I can handle being away from her; I can handle this heart-break. I want to convince myself that I'm strong enough turn my back from someone I love so much.

* * *

**Quinn's POV:**

"Easy for you to say. You don't know how hard it is; hearing something that absolutely kills you inside and having to act like you don't care." She said it like venom. I think she hates me right now. I want to tell her that I do; I do know how it feels like.

"I do know how it feels like, Santana; every single time. When you talk about how hot those other girls are, or when you tell stories about how much effort you made for your exes because of how much you love them, I have to make sure my expression is neutral even though I feel jealous inside. Even though secretly I wish you did those sweet things to me instead. Everytime you say cute stuff about me, or say cheesy lines, I have to pretend that I don't feel butterflies in my stomach; I have to pretend that my heart doesn't flutter so hard…And the worst part is I have to pretend that I don't love you back as much as you love me." I wish she could hear all of this. I wish I have the courage to tell her how much I love her too, but I can't. I'm not as strong as she is. I can't tell her yet, not until I'm ready to face the world and tell all the people in it how much I love her.

I'm not ready to face my parents and tell them that I'm in love with a girl. I can't handle seeing them disappointed and disgusted because I fell in love. I'm afraid that people will judge me for being me. I have to learn to be strong first, and when that day comes, I hope she still loves me back.

* * *

**Is it good? Let me have a feed back.**

**This was inspired from real life. Just thought it'd be interesting.**

**Hope you like it...**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

* * *

**Sometimes, the best way to stay close to someone you love is by being just a friend.**

I wish falling in love have traffic lights too, so that I would know if I should go, slow down, or just stop. Because I think I've been loving so much a lot lately, and not just with random people, but with three of my best friends.

* * *

I thought after we graduated high school, I'd graduate from the feelings she gives me too. It took me a year to realize that I'm wrong. I thought I was sure that what I felt for her was purely platonic. And the summer after graduation was enough time to brush these feelings off. But lately, I've been feeling the same feelings again. I look at her, and I see a dream that I can't have. And everytime I use the word 'friend' to describe her, I die a little inside.

It took a year took a year to prove myself I was wrong. I thought the feelings were reversible, but I guess my love for Spencer was only temporarily suspended.

I don't know how it happened; it just did. It was senior year and I just woke up one day and I never looked at her the same. One day I looked at her and I see something more than I did the night before; like a switch has been flicked somewhere. Since then, I've never stopped caring for her.

I thought last year that I'm done with loving her as something more. I thought what I felt before was something that just seemed like love. But some weeks ago the feelings came rushing back, because I remembered why I tried to stop them in the first place.

"_Hey Em, are you okay? You don't seem yourself lately." Spencer said with a concerned look._

"_I'm just-" I stopped when I felt her hand in my forehead. She was checking my temperature._

"_You have a fever, Em. Why didn't you say so?" She said an authoritative tone. "Come on, let's get you to the clinic." She dragged me to the clinic._

_I can only smile, one, because she was holding my hand, and two, because she's panicking; I find it cute when she panics, 'cause when she panics it means that she cares._

* * *

_After my check up, the nurse told me that I just needed some rest, so she advised me to take a nap there._

"_But, we have a quiz later. Can I take up that first?" I asked the nurse._

"_No. Even if you take the quiz there's a chance that you'll fail because of your condition. I'm sure Mrs. Calvin will give you a special quiz." Spencer butts in._

"_You're friend has a point. I'm sure she'll be able to explain it to your professor." The nurse agreed to Spence._

_Spencer smiled in victory. "Now," she placed her hands on my shoulders then walked me towards the bed. "Why don't you sleep here and take a rest."_

_I lied in the clinic bed. "Why are you still here anyways, we have a quiz, don't we? The Spencer Hastings I knew would've buried her face in her notes right this moment." I teased, but I meant it too._

_She sat in the bed. "Well, maybe you don't know me well." She stated._

_I just raised my brow. That can't be true. I know her well. "Yeah right. After God and your family, your studies is your top priority, tell me I'm wrong." I said surely._

"_There are things that are more important to me than studying, you know?" she smiled. "Besides my religion and my family."_

_And I can't help but smile too. She just practically told me that I'm more important than her studies. I didn't know _

"_Will you stop staring at the curtains now?" Spencer demanded. I didn't realize that I was drowned by my thoughts again. When I looked at her she kept talking. "I almost got jealous of the curtains."_

_I know that even though Spencer is a really smart person mostly she talks about things that are far from related to the topic, but that statement really confused me._

"_Why are you looking to them for an escape when I'm right here beside you?" she questioned seriously._

_My eyes widened. I didn't know what to say to that. Of course I can't tell her that I'm thinking about her, like, all the time. "I was just thinking about the quiz. I really reviewed for it, you know?" I lied._

"_Aw. Sorry, Em. But you're smart, I'm sure you're going to pass any test." She encouraged me. I'm not so sure if I should be thankful that she didn't notice that I'm lying, because if it were Aria, she would've easily known that I'm not telling the truth._

"_Look, Emily. Take a good rest. I don't want you to be absent tomorrow. No one will defend me from Sam and Santana's teasing." She said while smiling. It's her saying 'I'll miss you if you'd be absent tomorrow, so don't be. Okay?'_

"_Okay. But, Spence, aren't you used to those two by now?" I whined._

"_I just like it better when you defend me." She said with a beaming smile. What the heck? Does she really have to say these things; it's making my heart pound twice as fast._

I was scared. Because I cared too much. I cared so much that I don't know if I can tell her without it seeming to be worthless compared to how I feel. It really scared the hell out of me. I tried to stop loving her, because even though I knew that I love her, I can't make her love me back.

But the thing is, I'm still stuck here, being in love with my best friend more and more each day. And I'm still scared.

* * *

Spencer wasn't my first love though.

My first love is Aria.

I could not tell if I loved her the first moment I saw her, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at her walking towards me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with her.

Unknowingly, she thought me how to love, and move on from love. She was my first love and my first heartbreak. I've never told her that I love her; I was a coward. I'm afraid of what people would say, but the thing is, I'm more afraid of what I'd think of myself. I grew up thinking that being homosexuality is wrong. That's why, every time I give advice to Santana, I feel like I'm stabbing my own heart, because those advices should've been my advice to myself.

My entire high school, I've been in love with her, and I haven't told a single person yet because I'm still unsure. Or maybe it's because I don't want to admit just yet, that I'm attracted to girls too. I don't want to admit just yet that my first love was a girl.

But it's all in the past now. I've moved on, or at least that's what I tried to do, not because I fell in love with Spencer but just because I have to. I'm not planning on figuring out how to stop loving her, I'm just trying to learn how to live without her, 'cause I think that's much more possible.

It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder I try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. I feel like some kind of criminal for having felt,or for having wanted to be wanted. And it confuse me, because I think that these feelings were wrong and it makes me feel so small because it's so hard to keep it inside. And it scares me when I finally let it out and it doesn't come back. I feel like I'm left so alone that I can't even explain.

"_Do you think first love never dies?" I asked her in a serious tone._

_She looked at me before she answered. "No. I don't think so."_

_I waited for a further explanation but there was none. "That's it? You just don't think so?"_

"_Yeah. Why?" she asked me nonchalantly. I sighed in relief; I thought she's going to ask me if I ever had a first love._

"_Nothing." I said, avoiding leading our conversation to a complicated one. But then, my curiosity gets to me sometimes. "Have you ever been in love?"_

_She looked at me again, and then smiled. She hesitated at first but then she continued. "Yeah, with a girl actually." I froze. There was a part of me that had hope, but I didn't want to get my expectations that high._

_She noticed that I'm in deep thoughts. "You think I'm serious?" My head turned to her immediately._

"_Are you joking?" I inquired._

"_No." she simply answered. She was smiling but I know that she's serious._

"_Is she someone I know?" I tried to get something from her, but knowing Aria, she knows how to answer just._

"_Yeah. Sure." My head was spinning at that time. Is it me? If it were me, what am I supposed to do? Do I tell her now? I'm still not sure yet, but this is my chance isn't it. So many questions, so little time. But in the end, I decided not to take the risks. I can't fight for her anyways. I don't want to admit to myself that I really am in love with her, how much more with other people?_

"_It's getting late." I knew right there and then, I've made my choice; if the only way I could be around her is to be her best friend, then I'd settle for that. _

It was a choice I made a year ago, before we graduate from high school. I felt that it was okay since we'd still be classmates because we have the same course; we still get to be together all the time. But this year, she actually left. She shifted course. Of course I still didn't tell her how I feel; I'm still me; the same Emily I was a year before; a wimp; a sacredly cat.

Maybe the reason why I want to help Santana so bad to confess to Quinn how she really feels is because I know how much it hurts to love someone so much, and not be able to tell them.

I can't help her get her happy ending, but at least I can help her have a peace of mind and heart. I love Santana, and I don't want her to feel the constant pain I'm dealing with. I just can't stand that. I don't want her regretting the chances of telling Quinn how she really felt about her. And having her 'what ifs' haunt her.

I admire Santana, and she doesn't even know it. She took the risk; one thing that I wasn't able to do.

* * *

"_Are you really leaving us too?" Santana asked Aria while we were eating in 7/11._

"_Yeah. My dad finally agreed to let me take journalism." She said enthusiastically._

"_Why can't you just continue engineering? I mean, one year is a big deal." Sam said._

"_It is, and so are the years to come." Aria said. She has a point there. It's been her dream to become a reporter someday. And we personally think that she's going to be good at it. Before the gossips explode, Aria and I are done talking about it already. We're great at observing things._

"_So we can't really stop you from shifting, huh?" Santana said sadly. Quinn's departure is depressing enough. "But what about us? What about Emily? You guys are partners in crime, who's going to be her partner now?"_

"_Yeah, she's going to be a loner. Right, Em?" Sam supported Santana._

"_No, actually. Aren't you guys going to be there for me?" I frowned. It was my defense mechanism. I don't want to let Aria see how devastated I am._

"_Way to go, Em." Santana said sarcastically._

"_What? It's not like Aria is a big of a deal." I said harshly. Well, it wasn't really that harsh. They know I was just kidding._

"_You're such a meanie" Aria said, slapping my arm._

"_Ouch." I rubbed my arm. "What? I'm just saying." I laughed._

_"You're so dramatic with Quinn's departure, but when it comes to me, you talk so casual." I heard her murmur._

_"So you're jealous?" I raised an eyebrow and anticipated her response._

_"NO!" she pouts and crossed her arms._

_"Good. It won't matter to us anyways." I smiled at her with a smug look on my face._

_"Have I ever told you that I hate you?" she tried to look fierce and mad, but she just looked like a pouting angel to me._

_"Have I ever told you that I have fishes as my pets?" I retorted._

_Sam, Santana and Aria gave me a confused look._

_"What does that have to do with anything?" Sam found it obscure._

_"Oh, sorry. I thought we were talking about the things that doesn't matter." I smirked._

_Sam and Santana laughed as usual._

_"You're such a cruel person. I hate you!" she slapped my arm again, but this time, harder._

_I laughed. "I love you." I wish someday, I could tell her that in a different circumstance. But I guess I could only wish._

"_I'm going to miss seeing this view." Sam sighed, looking at us with adoration._

"_True." Santana stated. "Me too."_

_I'm going to miss this too; being with her; teasing her. It was part of our daily routine. Actually, all of us like teasing Aria. Her reactions are so cute. But I like teasing her best; I get to talk to her all the time. And despite that, we were the closest. When we're together, we can laugh at everything. It's like we have our own little world. Just like when Santana is with Quinn. We're a little louder and crazier though._

* * *

Then, there's Hanna. Unlike with Aria and Spencer, it wasn't like something just clicked. It wasn't like a switch was just flicked somewhere. It is an on-going process.

Hanna and I don't really talk much before. I mean we talk to each other a lot, but there weren't any real conversation between us. But since Quinn and Aria left, we had more time to talk to each other. We began to have deep conversations, until the next thing I know, I began to care so much.

* * *

"Hanna, you know I'd go to the end of the world for you, right?" Rachel delivered flirting with Hanna. It has been our hobby; pretending that were a love triangle. It was Rachel's crazy idea actually; Hanna and I was both crazy to ride on. Currently, I'm Hanna's 'girlfriend'.

"Really? Would you stay there though?" I joked. Rachel glared at me. Hanna laughed. "That is the reason why Hanna chose me over you, Rach. You're so corny." I smirked.

"Oh yeah? Why don't you show me what you've got." Rachel challenged.

"Sure." I walked towards Hanna who was sitting across me. I sat between them. "I've got two words for you, my love"

"What?" Hanna replied. Rachel was anticipating my response.

"I love you." I said sweetly while looking at Hanna seductively. They both laughed.

"But that's three words, Em." She whispered, as if she didn't want Rachel to hear it.

"Isn't it that you and I are one?" I asked feigning confusion.

Hanna just placed her palm on her face while smiling. Rachel smiled too while rolling her eyes.

"You liked that didn't you?" I bragged. "Come on, you liked it, right?" I placed my arm over Hanna's shoulders. These little things aren't new to us; the hand holds, or the kisses on the cheeks. We're used to this; we all are best friends after all.

Actually, it used to be nothing. But now, I feel like I'm taking advantage 'cause it means something to me; all the little things.

"I love all the things that you do, mylove" She said, flirting back. For a second I thought she mean it.

I was about to say something but Sam interrupted us. "Sometimes you really give me chills." he said walking towards the bench across us. Santana and Spencer was behind him.

"Yeah, sometimes it gives me chills too." I said. That would be true if I said that, weeks ago.

Hanna pushed me gently. "Really?" she raised her brow. "Could you leave some space so Rachel could sit beside me? Since I give you chills." She's playing her role consistently.

I laughed. "I was just kidding. Besides, I'm referring about the good chills" Normally I would've let her pretend that she's mad at me. But I'm enjoying 'us' now. I enjoy being able to act like I'm her girlfriend. And when she's being sweet with other people, especially Rachel, I get really jealous.

"You heard her, Em." Rachel chuckled. "Now, if you'll excuse me." She stood up from her spot and signaled me to move. But of course I didn't.

"Make me." I declared. Then Hanna stood up and sat at the other side with Rachel.

Rachel winked at me. I felt annoyed. Not with Rach but with myself. I shouldn't be pissed that Hanna chose to sit with Rachel over me because Rachel didn't even really like her that way. It was just a silly act. All of this is just a silly act. This used to be fun for me, but it isn't anymore.

I know it isn't fair. Whenever I hold her hand, or hug her, or rest my head on her shoulder and vice versa. I feel those feelings that people describe on those sappy romantic movies. And I feel really bad because it's always different when you think something more into something.

* * *

"Guys, where do you want to eat lunch?" Spencer asked.

"In our mouths." We all roll our eyes at Sam. That's always his answer when someone asks that.

"Where do you want to eat lunch?" I asked, directed at Hanna.

"Me?" she asked in confusion. Then it hit me. She always eats lunch with Caleb every Friday. I always forget that fact. More like I try not to remember.

"Oh yeah. I almost forgot." I tried to sound indifferent. I hate Fridays.

"She's gonna eat lunch with his 'suitor'" Spencer emphasized the last word. She really didn't have to remind me that.

"He **is **still my suitor, Spence." Hanna catches on. Rachel and Spencer always whine about how Hanna and Caleb are not supposed to be acting like a couple since they aren't yet. That's the thing I don't get really. Why doesn't Hanna just make them official since they act like couples anyway.

Although, I like the fact that they are not officially together, I just don't get it. I mean, dating and holding hands while walking, and being too close for comfort really removes the essence of not being officially together. So I don't know what the logic in there is.

I was drowned in my thoughts that I didn't even notice that Hanna left already.

"Where do you want to eat?" Rachel asked me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Anywhere is fine with me." I said nonchalantly. It doesn't matter, Hanna won't be there anyway.

"Can we eat at McDonalds? I'm craving for Chicken fillet." Spencer suggested.

"McDonald's it is." I declared.

"McDonald's again? Seriously, Em?" Santana said with distaste.

I rested my arm on Santana's shoulders, "Come on; oblige to Spencer's suggestion sometimes, San."

"Fine." She said warily.

Spencer smiled at me. I smiled back; I just realized that her happiness is essential to my own. Now I'm confused; still feeling these feelings makes me feel like I'm cheating with Hanna, even though I know that we're not really together and I know that she's freaking dating with Caleb right now.

* * *

We were sitting in our usual place. We call it 'The Circle'. Its formation is actually an octagon shaped seat, though. It was a puzzle for me why we call it that.

"Hey guys" Hanna called out as she approached us. And of all the people, she sat beside me.

"Em." She seemed to notice that I didn't tried to acknowledge her presence.

"Hey. How's Mr. Friday?" I pretended that I'm enthusiastic about it.

She raised her eyebrow. "Mr. Friday?" she said smiling. "He's fine." I hate this view; not seeing her smile, but seeing her smile because of someone else.

"You seem happy." I said it more to myself.

"I am, Em." she tilted her head to look at me. "You know what, you seem strange."

"If ever I ask you to have lunch with me next Friday, would you come?" Right after I said that, I wanted to put it back in my mouth. I seem to catch her attention. Luckily, the others don't seem to hear us because they're busy with their own conversations.

She looked at me to see if I am serious. "I would want to." she frowned. "But I already promised my Fridays to Mr. Friday."

"Shame." I looked down smiling. I don't know if it's just my imagination, but I saw a glimpse of disappointment in her too.

Then I looked at her, "Then I'd be your Ms. Monday, Ms. Tuesday, Ms. Wednesday, Ms. Thursday, Ms. Saturday and Ms. Sunday." I looked at reaction first, before continuing. She was smiling genuinely, which is a good sign, so I continued. "Until one Friday, you'll wish that you are with me instead, and then I'll be your Ms. Everyday." I wrapped my speech with a smile.

I didn't know if she thought that it was part of our act. For me it was very real; it's what I feel. It's what I want to say to her. She looked at me with adoration. That can't be that part of the act. We aren't good actresses.

She pressed her lips together then a smile was formed. I was suddenly nervous. Hanna isn't usually silent. She should be talking right now of whether how sweet or how corny I am.

"Don't tell me that was just a joke, Em. Because that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard." She said it hesitantly; shyly rather. It was rare to see her shy.

Does she think it's a friendly statement? I don't think I still cared. "I'm serious. You're special to me, you know."

"Since when did I become special? When Aria shifted course? When Quinn transferred school? Or when Rachel had this crazy idea of acting like the three of us are in love with each other?" She was looking at me observantly, like she's trying to read my mind.

"No." I mouthed as I was shaking my head. "When we were in the powder room, and you and Rachel are pretending to be together. When you hugged her tightly pretending to make me jealous. When Caleb teased you that he'll draw you that dream house you always wanted in trade for a kiss, and I realized…I minded. I resented the idea actually." I confessed.

I didn't know if she had catch on by now. I don't know what her next reaction would be. All I know is that I can't let her go. Not her. I can't let her go without telling her how much I love her. This time I'm going to choose her; not just our friendship, but her.

* * *

**I can't really describe the Circle that well. I don't think it's big of a deal though.**

**But I might post a picture of it on my dash.**

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**Was it good or...? Let me know.**

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	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

* * *

**Hanna's POV:**

"No." she mouthed. "When we were in the powder room, and you and Rachel are pretending to be together. When you hugged her tightly pretending to make me jealous. When Caleb teased you that he'll draw you that dream house you always wanted in trade for a kiss, and I realized…I minded. I resented the idea actually." She professed without any hesitation.

This is the hard thing with Emily. She never let people in. She's so good at acting that sometimes I think she really meant the things she says. And it scared me. Is she serious? What do I tell her if she is? Do I love her back? I haven't really thought of it yet. I didn't take the time to think about it because I thought that it was nothing. That we were just acting.

But what if she is just acting? Still, what do I say? I can't think of any response as of this moment. My mind is spinning. All I could think of was her smile, her eyes, and the sweet things she did for me. My heart is beating so fast that I can't even feel it is beating. She's giving me feelings that I avoid to feel for anyone.

But she just told me that I'm special to her. She didn't tell me that she loves me.

"Hanna?" Emily asked nervously. I haven't realized that she was watching me the whole time. I love hearing her say my name. I don't know why, but when she utters my name I feel like its safe in her mouth.

I cleared my throat as well as my thoughts. I didn't succeed on the last part though. "Can we…talk later? After class?" I was panicking inside my head but I forced a smile, so she wouldn't get the wrong idea or anything. She smiled back, and suddenly it was so easy to smile bigger.

"We're…" she was unsure of what to say. She put the strands of her hair at the back of her right ear.

"Why do you look nervous? We're just going to talk…if that's okay with you." I said trying to make it light.

She smiled as she got the message. We are totally fine.

* * *

**Emily's POV:**

"What's the tension all about?" Santana asked me innocently.

"What?" I asked impeccably.

"You. Hanna. I saw you two. Come on, you can tell me." She pried.

"You know, I should be the one asking your condition. Hanna and I are fine." I'm good at turning things around with Santana. "I'm sure Quinn can handle things, but you…not so sure."

Santana rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. I don't need her." It's so easy for me to tell that she's lying.

"Look, you know that I know you. You're Queen of denial, I know that, but it's me you're talking to here."

"She said she didn't love me back. And she doesn't even miss me. What do you expect from me?" I felt bad for her. But knowing Quinn, I know it's just a misunderstanding.

"Did Quinn really say that she doesn't love you? As far as I remember, she just didn't said that she's in love with you. And I know for sure that she misses you, San. It's just her defense mechanism." I justified.

"I swallowed my pride for her, Emily. I didn't expect her to hug me and kiss me after I confess my love for her, but she could've at least considered my feelings. She freaking told me to forget my feelings for her, like it wasn't a big deal. I was willing to risk everything for her, Em" I know where she's coming from, but I just know that Quinn loves her too.

"She loves you, Santana. We both know she's not good at words. She bid a decent goodbye to you, didn't she?"

"If she loves me as much as I love her, she would've been brave enough to tell me that she loves me too. But she didn't, because I'm just her friend." She said resentfully. It makes me sad how Santana is this sad. I wish I could do something to make it all better.

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have." Santana didn't answer to that. She was not the usual hard headed girl. From what I see, it made her think too. And that's great because I really believe that Quinn loves her so much.

* * *

_Quinn and I don't talk a lot, but when we do, it's something meaningful, or deep._

_We have a lot of vacant lately since the semester is about to end. Quinn and I felt like talking, so we decided to go far from our friends, so we can talk privately. I liked talking to Quinn personally, we understand each other easily, and sometimes, in our silence, very much is said._

"_I wish you didn't have to leave." I said truthfully._

"_But, you know, I have to. This is my dream." She answered immediately._

"_Yeah, but will miss you. I'll miss you. And most of all, Santana will."I'm confident to say it because I know she's aware of it. No one ever really confirmed anything to anyone, but I think we're all aware of what's happening._

"_I'll miss you guys too. I know it's hard for you but its hard for me too."I never attempted to ask Quinn how she feels, because I know that like me, she doesn't want to talk about thing like it. And I that its appropriate if Santana find it out herself._

"_You do know that she'll be miserable if you leave, right?" Quinn is aware that Santana tells me everything._

_She just nodded. "But you're here for her. I think that would be enough."_

"_But you're the reason why she's a better person now. You changed her, Quinn. And if you leave, she might do her bad habits again." I'm really worried that Santana would be lost if ever Quinn really leaves._

"_She made promise that she won't." She said confidently. She trusts Santana and it was no secret._

"_It's Santana, Quinn. You know how she is." I don't really think I can fill in, Quinn's position. I let Santana do what she wants, and then I'd be there for her at the end. Quinn on the other hand stops her from the things that she thinks isn't good right from the start._

"_That's what I want to tell you. I want to ask you to please take care of her." she said to me, but her eyes were directed to Santana. "I'm worried for her too, you know? Don't let her curse/ say bad words. And stop her when she tries to kill people, because sometimes she tells me that she wants to kill people." I smiled at her. "I know it's just a joke, but still…just to be sure." She really sounded like Santana's girlfriend right now._

"_I'm not sure if she'd follow me though. She only follows you." I know that's a lie, because Santana does what I advice her often, but it's also true because, Santana does whatever Quinn wants._

"_That's not true. I know she obeys you. Don't you even deny it." Quinn said knowingly._

"_Not really." I denied._

"_If you say so. I'll just tell her to obey you then." This is what I love about Quinn, she's such a genius._

_I just nodded while smiling. If only Santana can hear us right now._

"_And one more thing; don't tell her about our conversations about her. It might boost her ego." She teased, which caused me to laugh. Santana can really be a bighead sometimes._

* * *

"What the heck, San?!" I half yelled, half whispered. I was rummaging her bag because I she asked me to get her phone there, when I saw a lighter in her bag. "What the heck are these for?" I glared at her.

"For lighting things?" Santana answered sharply.

"We're so going to talk after class." I warned her.

* * *

I didn't want our other friends to know about my conversation with Santana so right after our teacher dismissed us I grabbed Santana's hand and dragged her out of the room fast.

I dragged her to the girls' comfort room so they wouldn't suspect.

"Wait here." I ordered Santana. I went outside to talk to Rachel first, 'cause I know she'll come up with so much speculations.

"Hey, Rach. Santana and I might be a little late. She's having a hard time with her stomach." I reasoned out.

"Okay. Does she need anything?" she asked concerned.

"Oh, she'll be fine. It just happened that this wasn't her luckiest day." I smiled.

"Oh. Okay then, we'll go?"

"Yeah. We can handle this. Not, literally." I joked. They laughed except…Hanna. I saw how restless she seemed to be. But I tried to neglect it.

"See you later." Spencer and the rest trailed off.

But Hanna was still standing on her previous spot.

"I thought we're going to talk?" Hanna said indifferently.

I bit my lip. I didn't know she was referring to the previous class. "I thought we're going to talk after all our classes." I gave her an apologetic look. I didn't want her to think that I'm avoiding her. "Later, Han. I promise. Don't worry, I won't stood you up."

"I know that, Em. But…" she was looking at the ground. Of course it won't be something good. "Caleb-" that's all she has to say. I know, they always meet up after classes, mostly on Fridays.

"We can always talk next time." I said as casually as I can.

She bit her lip. "But, Emily, I really want to talk to you." She protested.

"And we will. Just not now." I think I uttered that a bit sharply, but I can't help but feel zealous just hearing Caleb's name. "Look, I really need to go now. Santana is waiting for me." I felt guilty to just leave her there, but it's not like she's going to get lost.

* * *

**Santana's POV:**

"Where have you been? I thought I'll grow roots in here." I complained as I see Emily approach me.

"Sorry, I just made sure no one will hear us." She apologized then closed the door.

"What's the big deal?" I started.

"Since when did you start to smoke again?" I can see that Emily is annoyed. I tried to answer but before I can, she talked again. "You promised Quinn, didn't you? Do you really want to die young?" I know she's mad at all, but I think that's she's overreacting.

"So what if I promised her? She's not here, so that promise is void. She wouldn't know if you won't tell her." I said coolly. She promised me to always be at my side before, but she's not here now.

"What the heck is wrong with you?" Emily raised her voice slightly. I swear she's extra annoyed today.

"What the fuck is wrong with **you**?" I snapped at her. Okay, so I don't usually talk like that to Emily. I promised Quinn not to say bad words anymore, but I'm really pissed because I don't get a text from her. I mean she said she'll keep in touch but I only get a text from her when I text her first, and when I finally get to text with her, she's always in a rush.

Emily's eyes widened. "What did you just said?"

"What's wrong with you? You're not your usual self. Is this about Hanna?" I know Emily's good at turning things around but so am I. And I really am concerned about her. She always got my back, so I'd help her out with anything too.

"Don't try to change the topic here, Santana." She glared at me.

"So there is something going on with you and Hanna." I confirmed.

She shook her head. "Do you really want to break all the promises you made to Quinn, huh?" she ignored what I just said.

"It's not that." I said calmly. "I thought I'm going get over her, Em. Or at least, I thought nothing's going to change except the physical absence but I'm wrong. I don't get to talk to her anymore; I'm lucky enough to have fifteen minutes of her twenty four hours. And it really disappoints me." I confessed.

This is why I hate being in love. It's horrible. It makes me vulnerable, and it makes me put my walls down and it opened my heart; and Quinn was so rude to get inside it and mess it up.

"Everything's going to be alright." Emily declared. I know. But that doesn't change the fact that it's not alright now.

Emily hugged me. It was the first time that she hugged me really. It's not really our thing, it was Rachel's, Hanna's, Spencer's and Aria's but it was never our thing. Emily and I are never sweet with each other.

"I'm sorry, San. I wish I could make it all better but I know I couldn't. But Santana, rebelling isn't going to bring her back. But if she knew that you stick with your promise; then she'd be happy. I'm sure of that." Emily said caressing my back.

I wasn't crying but Emily knew that I needed that hug. I just miss Quinn, and I love her so much that it hurts.

"Could you do me a favor, Em?" I made an eye contact.

She nodded for me to continue. "You've been like my diary, you know that right?"

"Yeah." She mouthed.

"And you've done so much for me, that I don't know how to pay it. All I can think of is that I want to be a good friend to you. And I don't know how to do that if you don't tell me, just even the little things that are going on in your life."

"Just be there for me. That would be enough." She simply said. "Come on, we're going to be so late if we don't get moving."

* * *

**Quinn's POV:**

I wanted to call Santana right now. I want to hear her voice. I want to hold her, and just be with her somehow. I miss them. I miss her. I miss the way she looks at me. I miss the way that she makes me feel that everything is alright, by just being there. I miss being happy by just sitting beside her while doing absolutely nothing. And I constantly wonder how she's doing.

I told her that we should both move forward. It's going to be like this for four years. And I don't want her to wait for me; I don't think I'd be enough. I don't want her to be stuck waiting for me; she deserves so much better than that.

I'm hoping that she'd find something better in the future. She might meet someone who can make her happy. But at the back of my mind, I wish that she'd never learn to live without me. So when I decided to come back and take her back, she'd accept me.

I need her to help me get through this loneliness but I'm too scared to ask. I told her to move on. I can't call her, because I know that it would be less painful while it lasted. I have to give her space. I feel like I'm torturing us, but I believe that it would be worth it. Someday, she'll thank me that I let her go. Or someday someone will thank me for letting her go.

As for me, I know I can move on. But I'll bring her in my heart. I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I love her. I'll continue moving forward but I'm going to keep our memories with me. I have to make my choice worth it. I don't want to leave Santana for nothing.

It's ironic how she knows every detail of me, but the thing that I want her to know the most still goes unnoticed; the fact that I love her. I know I'm hurting her, and I deserve this pain, this pain that I feel because she doesn't even know how hard it is for me too.

"_Thank you for coming, Santana." I was so grateful that she still came._

"_What do you want to talk about?" she said coldly. It pinched my heart. I know that she's still hurt._

"_I'm leaving tomorrow." I said looking at her._

"_I know." She said disinterested._

_I wanted to cry. But I don't think I had the right. "Please don't be like that, San. You're my-"_

"_I get it okay? I'm your __**friend**__. You don't have to remind me all the time." She said resentfully._

"_I'll still be here for you, as long as you need me. We'll always keep in touch." I poured out._

"_You're all I need, Quinn. Don't you get that? I can't pretend to not love you. I just can't" she practically yelled at me. But I felt bad for her much more. I didn't know what to say. So I looked at the ground. "You're always like that, Quinn. Don't I deserve any response from you? You're leaving and I still get nothing."_

"_Don't pretend then. Move on, San. You'll get nothing from waiting for me." My tears were now falling freely._

"_Why are you crying?" she suddenly softened. I hated myself much more. She's so nice to me._

"_Because I hate myself for hurting you." She placed her hands on my face then wiped my tears with her thumbs. I held her hand and she seemed to flinch a bit._

"_Then why do you keep on doing it, Q? Don't you really love me?" I saw the hope in her eyes and it broke my heart because I know I wouldn't satisfy her with my answer._

"_I love you, Santana. You're important to me. You're my best friend." Suddenly, her eyes were dead again. _

_But when she spoke, her eyes were full of emotions, "I love you Lucy Quinn Fabray. Not in a friendly way. Although I think we are great friends.__You told me many times that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you'd even consider. But I had to say it, again and again, if I have to. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything that you are. I've never felt this way before and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore that would kill me. So be it. But before you go I have to tell it to you. I hope someday you'll learn to love me too.__" Then she looked at me, as if I'll melt. I couldn't feel my feet. If only she knew that 'someday' came way past than she expected._

_I pressed my lips together. I didn't know how to tap that. "Someday, Santana. But right now, I want you to look forward. I wouldn't tell you what to do. But I want to let you know what I want you to do; be happy. I want you to choose to be happy." I said in my sincerest tone. _

_I looked at her and she was still staring straight at me. Her face was slowly coming near mine until I can already feel her breathe. I thought she's going to kiss me. I wanted her to kiss me actually. Well, she did. She kissed me in the forehead._

* * *

**Boringsiot: Sorry if you think I cheated you or something :) But it just looked like a one-shot but it really isn't. So I hope, you're not upset.**

**Anyways, I hope you like this chapter.**

**Tell me your thoughts, if it was good enough.**

**And of course, I wanted to thank all those readers who reviewed.**

**Sincerely, it makes me smile.**

**Those who followed and marked my story as favorite, thank you as well :)))**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

* * *

**Hanna's POV:**

Two days and three nights have passed. Emily and I still haven't talked yet, I mean talk-talk. She's always occupied by Santana, but sometimes she just avoids me. I don't know, I want to talk to her, but honestly I don't know what I'm going to say. Considering that it's weekend, she could've made time to talk to me but she didn't.

* * *

"I'm just gonna go to the comfort room." Emily said to them. Yeah, she didn't even look at me.

I followed her. "Em, wait up." At least she waited for me.

When we got to the comfort room I spoke. "I think this is the best time to talk."

"Not really. I'm going to pee, if that isn't obvious." Emily said bitterly. Her tone was fine but I can just feel that she's acting different.

"Oh. Okay then. I'll wait for you here." She sighed and went in the cubicle without a word.

* * *

"Can we talk now?" I asked her right after she stepped out the cubicle. She walked towards the sink to wash her hands. "Em, are you avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?"

"I just have so many things in my mind right now." Emily said tiredly.

"Are you that busy that you can't even think about me? About replying to my texts?" I know, I must've sounded selfish but she can text Santana with her busy schedule. So why can't she do the same to me?

"Hanna, that's really unfair. I was occupied okay? I texted you once, I told you I was busy."

"Busy with who?" I don't know what got into me. I am annoyed. She told me, she implied to me, rather, that she likes me. But she is so not acting like she does.

"What's wrong with you?" What's wrong with me? I don't know. But I'm irritated by the fact that she prioritizes Santana more.

"I asked you first. You implied that you like me, but right now you're acting the other way around." I said matter-of-factly.

She gritted her teeth. "You told me we'd talk. I know it was Friday then, but Hanna, all I needed from you was a little time. You could've texted him that you'd talk to me first before you go see him, but you didn't. Obviously, you'd rather be with him to do what you always do than to settle whatever is between us." She didn't say it like it was an accusation, it's like she stated the most obvious thing. Which irritated me more because it was not like that.

"That's the problem, Emily. There's never been 'us'. There's just you and me." I said frankly as I crossed my arms. "You never let people know what you think exactly; you never let us in. That it's so hard to understand you sometimes. I mean, I wanted you to insist, Em. I wanted you to tell me that 'No. Hanna, can you talk to me first. I needed to talk to you so bad.' But you never did. You acted like it's not a big deal. Apparently you love your pride more than me." I immediately regretted what I said. I think I was over the top. I know I offended her.

"Well, I'm sorry. I didn't know you like playing hard-to-get." She said sarcastically. "Isn't it enough to tell you how I feel? Do you not know how hard that is for me?" She looked at me with disappointment. "You're supposed to be one of my best friends. I didn't know that I had to beg for your attention to get it." That sting through my heart. I know she has a point. I didn't know what to answer back. I lost all the words I'm supposed to say.

"I'm sorry. I didn't-" I tried to apologize for my words.

I can sense that she's mad at me right now. She took a deep breath. "Hanna. We don't really have to talk about this. Just forget what I said."

"No!" I said immediately. "We can't leave it like this."

"Then say what you have to say instead of enumerating my faults." She raised her voice which caught me off guard. She never uses that tone to anyone of us. She's looking straight at me. Her face softened when she saw that I was about to cry. "I told you what I had to say, don't you think it's time for you to say yours?" she said in a gentler tone.

I just looked at her. "I was confused. I'm sorry. Friday, I didn't know what to say to you. It's just that, I wasn't ready…I didn't know what to say-" I stuttered.

"Do you like me? Or love me, even?" she blurted out. Her face was flat. It wasn't a face that was expecting. It was an expression that someone has when she's facing a death penalty.

I felt really bad. I love her, of course I do. But I'm still not sure of how much. If I tell her that I do, what happens next? Or if I don't, how will she feel? I bit my lower lip. I know that she's hurting right now, and she's gonna hurt until I say something. I'm hurting the nicest person I know and it's not the nicest feeling.

"I love you." She stated with conviction. "That's all that matters to me. You don't have to answer anything. All I needed from you was to listen." She said in her sweet voice, but it wasn't purely sweet, because I can clearly hear the pain in her voice.

Her expression was unfamiliar to me. I haven't seen it before, it was somewhat a look of pain, yet it was a brave one. And it made my heart ache.

"Em." Was all that I managed to say.

She shook her head. "You're the one who suggested to talk. I actually planned to leave it there."

The next thing I know, my tears were falling freely. I can see her fighting hers. I wanted to hug her. Like we always do. Like she always do when she can't find the words. Or she doesn't want to say anything. I feel comfort when she does it. "I love you, Em."

She looked at me with a look of endearment and understanding. "I know you do." she choked. It was a quiet one, like she's crying without tears.

My mind was telling me to pull her into a hug. But my body wasn't moving. Emily, being the stronger one, walked closer to me. She lifted my chin with her right hand that led me to look at her eyes. She managed to smile. It made me even more sober. She's always like that. I can almost feel how much pain she's in right now, but she still smiled _for me_. To tell me that it's okay.

Then she turned her back at me and faced the door. So many thoughts were rushing in my head, but out of all of it, I gripped the back of her shirt, which caused her to stop her tracks. We stayed like that for a few moments.

By the time that she faced me. There was no longer hurt in her face. "Sorry, MyLove. I was carried away. Let's go?" she said in a bubbly tone. She called me with our playful nickname to each other. I smiled, though I can still see in her eyes the feeling that her smile covers. I nodded my head finally.

* * *

**Emily's POV:**

"What took you so long?" Santana said as soon as she saw us.

"We met someone Hanna knew along the way." I quickly lied. Hanna just nodded.

Santana raised an eyebrow as she crossed her arms. She was about to say something but it seemed that she shrugged it off.

"Let's go, guys." Sam said lazily.

"Go where?" I asked curiously.

"Mr. Schue texted me. He said that there will be no class for today. He's picking his son from the airport." Spencer said continuously.

I nodded my head. "That's good news. I can go home now." I said enthusiastically.

"What?" Spencer said in surprise. "No, Em. We're going to the mall." My eye widened. This is Spencer we're talking about here. Normally she's the one who's so eager to go home.

I would've teased her. But I'm not in the mood. I feel like going home. Today's happening is really tiring. It's these kinds of times that I get tired of pretending; pretending that everything's going perfectly with my life.

"Come on, Em. It's not everyday Mr. Schue takes a leave. You know how diligent that guy can be." Spencer stated.

"It's not a normal thing for you to insist on going to the mall either." I said.

"Well, the more that you should not go home." Spencer rationalized. She smirked knowing that she won.

Everyone was asking me to go with them at the mall, of course except Hanna. She's strangely quiet.

I don't know if I should feel guilty that I'm acting normal, but this is my defense mechanism. I can feel that she is staring at me every now and then. But I try to avoid looking back.

"It's not like I have a choice." I said defeated.

They cheered. "Good. This is going to be fun." Rachel said as she clapped her hands.

* * *

Everything seemed to be normal; Hanna is herself again, at least she seemed to be. We played Air hockey; our favorite game. We ate ice cream at 'Mr. Sundae'. We did all the usual stuff we do. Although once in a while I see Spencer staring at me which isn't usual. Hanna as well was looking at me once in a while, but in our recent encounter her behavior is understandable.

And then there's Santana. The whining was recognizable, but I can sense that something's bothering her. She bitches around as usual but she's quieter. So when it's time for us six to part ways I approached her.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yeah. Definitely." She stated.

I raised an eyebrow. Since she didn't continue, it only meant that it's a serious matter. "What is it?"

"There is something you are not telling me." She stated without batting an eyelash. But I know her too well. I know she's really bothered about that, but that's not the reason she's upset. I just kept silent. When she's ready, I know she'll tell me.

She let out a deep sigh. "What's the thing about you and Hanna?" she whispered. I shoot my head in her direction.

"What?" I said astounded.

"Come on, Em. I know it's not the most obvious thing on Earth but it only takes to know you both to know that there's something happening between you two." Santana said calmly.

"It's not Hanna, generally" I said shortly which left Santana clueless. "Do you know the feelings you always tell me? The things that Quinn unconsciously makes you do, or feelings she makes you feel? I guess I'm feeling it for a long time now. I mean, I do know I was feeling it for a long time now."

"Wait." Santana interrupted as she pulled a little away from me. "You're not gonna confess your undying love for me right?"

I slapped her arm. "Of course not."

She let out a sigh then smiled widely. "Good. Cause I don't know if I can take that in."

I chuckled. "Oh, shut up. I'm trying to be serious here."

"Well, don't act like it's not possible." She said defensively. "Have you seen _me_?"

"Please. I think you don't have a space for me because your ego is taking most of it." I teased.

"Oh. Touché." She smirked.

"Anyways, you ruined the momentum already." I reminded her.

"Oh come on. Never gonna happen again." She shoots me a sickening sweet smile, literally.

"Okay, well." I didn't know how to start again. But Santana patiently waited. "I'm trying my best to help you with Quinn, maybe partially because you're my friend, but mostly because I know how it feels like." Her face turned serious. I find the strength to continue. "I know how it feels like to love someone, especially a friend. The feeling of fear, the fear of losing someone because of the feelings that you have." She smiled softly at me. I guess she was happy because she knows that I don't just understand her, I also feel her. "That's why I don't want you to just give up. I admire you, you know? For being able to say freely how or what you feel."

She just smiled at me; asking me to continue. So I did. "I know the pain of not being able to express how you feel. And when you confessed your feelings to Quinn, I envied you. But I came to the realization that I should do it too. You told me before that you're afraid, but you still did it because you can't help it." She nodded. "Well, that's how I felt, I didn't think that was the right time but I still did because I can't help it."

"And? How did it go?" she asked concern.

"I don't know how to classify it. But cutting it short; she didn't say she love me back." I said quietly that I didn't know if she heard what I just said.

She looked at me with empathy. I was surprised by her next step. She hugged me. **Santana** hugged me. I was taken aback but as soon as I recovered I hugged her back. "I'm really glad you told me this."

The thing with Santana and I; we were never good with feelings. We sure have lots of it though. Probably, we are actually great at it, when we think about it in our heads, but saying it to other people is a different story.

Or maybe we are great at feelings, were just not that good at expressing it. That's most likely it.

She was the one that pulled away. "So, you're in love with Hanna? Before college?" I wondered why she assumed before college. "You were in love before I fell in love with Quinn, right?"

"Oh. That's right. Well, yes and no." I answered. She titled her head in confusion. "I am in love with Hanna, now. But I was in love with Aria before you fell in love with Quinn."

Her lips formed an 'O' "That's quite a surprise."

"You think?" I asked.

"I didn't have a clue. It never looked like…Wow. You're so…" she said unbelievably.

"Great, right? I told you before I'm good at acting." I boasted.

"Well, I can't argue with that I guess." Santana said. "Oh, before I get lost, you mentioned earlier that you don't know how to classify it?"

"Mmhm. We're in good terms." I confirmed.

"So when did that happen?" she asked probably referring to my confession.

"At TheCircle. Last Friday." I said briefly.

Another shocked face came from her. "You're really good at hiding things, aren't you?"

I shrugged. "Well, since we're talking about confessions here. Aren't you going to tell me your **real **problem?"

"Well…" she started. "I've been sending Quinn a few messages for days now." She sighed. "I didn't even get a single reply."

"Maybe she's busy." I tried to reason.

"Maybe. But it doesn't make me miss her less." She breathed.

"Have you tried calling her?" I blurted out.

She looked at me for a while. "No. I'm afraid she won't answer my calls too. So I didn't bother."

"You're thinking too much." I stated matter-of-factly.

"No." she said with conviction. "I'm thinking about her." She said seriously.

I smiled at her remark. I reached for my phone in my pocket.

"What are you doing?" she asked with a warning in her tone.

"I'm calling her." I said.

"Calling who?" she asked dumbly.

I ignored her question and dialed Quinn's number.

"Emily, don't." she tried to stop me. Of course I didn't let her.

"Hey, it's my phone. I can call whoever I want." I reasoned. She tried to walk away just in time when Quinn answered my call. "Hello, Quinn?" She couldn't help but stop her tracks.

She looked at me to see if Quinn was really on the phone. I walked towards her and gripped her wrist.

"_Em. Do you need anything?" _Quinn asked. I pressed the loudspeaker option.

"No. I'm just checking if you're still alive." I heard a laugh on the other line.

"_Yeah, I'm alive and kicking. Though…_" her voice seemed to turn pale. "_There's so much things to do. And I need to finish these this week so I can go home on the weekend._" Santana's head shoot up.

I myself was pleased with her news. "You're going home?" I assured.

"_If things turn out well. There's no day that the professors won't leave us any assignments. It's sickening sometimes. Not to mention the daily quizzes._" Quinn complained.

"Well, I really hope you can come here on weekends." I looked at Santana. "I miss you. _We_ miss you."

I could imagine Quinn smiling. "_I miss you too._"

"Uh, Quinn, I have someone with me, you might wa-" I heard an unfamiliar voice call Quinn.

"_Em, I'm really sorry. My group mates are here. We need to finish our project soon. I have to go. Sorry._" She apologized.

"Yeah. I understand-" she's getting used on cutting me off.

"_Oh. Please tell San that I'm just totally busy right now. Bye._" The call ended.

As I look at Santana she seemed disappointed. "Well, at least we know she's really busy." I tried to comfort her.

She shrugged. "She could've at least texted me that, so I won't look stupid waiting for her reply."

"Come on. She remembered you." I said in Quinn's defense.

She nodded her head, still disappointed. "She read my messages. But there wasn't a single reply." She said it more to herself than to me.

"Santana," she must've known that I would say something in Quinn's defense, so she cut me off.

"Emily. You don't get it. No matter how busy she is, she could make time to call me or at least text me if she wanted to. I…I guess, maybe I wasn't that important to her than I thought I was." She half whispered. I can sense that there are so many things running in her mind right now.

Times like this, I feel guilty. I always tell Santana that Quinn loves her even though I'm not a hundred percent sure. I always encourage her to pursue her feelings for Quinn. "Are you tired?"

She just looks at me for a while, "I love her a lot, you know?" I nodded when she looked at me. "I'm tired now_ from_ loving her, but I'm not tired _of_ loving her. I know after I have my sleep, I'm gonna wake up, still in love with her."

I guess she's right. No one gets tired of loving. People just gets tired of expecting, waiting and hurting.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

* * *

**Santana's POV:**

"You're back" I said under my breath. I was stunned with this girl standing right in front of me.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am." She said in a mellow voice. She purses her lips while looking at me with teary eyes.

"I didn't expect you here." I said indifferently. Quinn has this bad habit of unintentionally putting my guard down and makes me regret it the next. I just hope she wouldn't smile; her smile very much weakens me.

"I miss you." It wasn't a sad face, or a happy one. It was…Quinn's face. No pretentions, no walls; just her. It was the most heartwarming words I've heard from her so far. She didn't hold back.

I hesitated on saying I miss her too. I haven't said anything yet but on the judge of the look on her face, she can see that I'm battling with myself inside. But she couldn't blame me right? She's the one who always teach me how to fly then suddenly shoot my wings.

"I'll take your silence as a way of saying you miss me too." She half smiled.

I didn't bother contradicting her statement. It's true after all. "Don't you think it's kind of late to roam around?" I arched a brow.

She smirked. "I'm not roaming around, Santana" Oh how I missed that. I just appreciate my name a hundred times more when she's the one saying it. "You're mom told me you'd be here. So no, Santana; I'm not roaming, I know exactly where I'm going."

"What time did you arrive home?" I asked, trying not to lead the conversation to the critical part.

"Now." She stepped closer to me. "As in…now." Then she looked at me straight in the eyes. I shook my head in confusion. I didn't know what she was trying to say. And for a second she looked down. "We're still friends, right?"

"It hurt so badly, Quinn." And for the first time tonight, I speak what I feel out loud. It made her look at me and I saw a glimpse of sadness. But knowing myself; I don't want to see her sad. "But yes, I'll always be your friend." And after a while I realized, I shouldn't be so happy about that; always being just a friend.

She sighed. "That's good to know." And I felt a pinch in my heart. "Because that's what we both trying to do all this time, right? Protect our friendship." She looked at me in approval.

I nodded gently. "Yeah. One thing that will always be a bigger deal to me."

She shook her head. "Our friendship isn't a one big thing, Santana. To me, it's a million things. And those million things are the reason why I'm holding these feelings back; to save those million little things."

I smiled. But my smile wasn't purely happiness. I opened my mouth but nothing came out.

She continued talking instead. "But I'm willing to risk that now." That statement made my head turn to her. She looked at me straight in the eyes. "I was lost, Santana. I was lost without you."

"A single text, Quinn. That's all I ever ask from you when you were away." I didn't deliver it in a harsh way, it's more like begging for an explanation.

"All you ever say in you text is how I was or do I miss you. I don't want to tell you in a text that I'm torn without you, that I'm not fine. And you should have known that I miss you. The moment I turned my back from you, I missed you, Santana." Her voice was shaky. I wanted to wrap my arms around her that moment but I didn't know if that would be the best thing to do. "And I definitely didn't want to talk to you on the phone because I know I'd break down. And that wouldn't be good for either of us."

Am I dreaming? Assuming? Or is Emily right all this time? Quinn does love me the way that I love her. I gulped for what I'm about to ask next "So you're saying…"

"I love you. And you might not believe it instantly but I do. I guess I was just afraid to say it out loud. I was afraid of practically everything, and everyone. And I guess I still am, S. But I just can't hold it in anymore."

As much as I was enthralled with what she said and how happy I am to hear her words, all I managed to utter was "Why?"

"Why?" she questioned.

"I mean, I don't know if I can trust my ears for what I'm hearing right now. And I don't think my brain is functioning well…" I didn't even know if I was making sense.

"I guess I realized I would never want to see you with anyone else but me. I love the way you look at me, S. I'd never want to see you look at anyone else that way. Do you…Do you understand what I'm trying to say here?"

"Kind of…" It's official. I'm totally looking dumb right now.

"The point is; I'm losing you. And I'd never want that to happen. It makes the whole holding-back-my-feelings pointless. And if that's the case, I'd rather take a chance with you." She said without a pause.

I just stood there, it wasn't like that's all I want to do but I kind of froze.

"Do you still love me?" Quinn asked frankly, I can sense that she gathered all the courage she can get to ask me that; it was not her thing.

I smiled. "I'll always love you. And if ever you might be wondering; I'm in love with you. _Still_ in love with you." I said sincerely. It was a different feeling; saying her that. This time, I know she wouldn't take it negatively, she might even like to hear it.

"Only me?" It wasn't an accusing question; it was more of hoping that I would answer yes. But I know that question was something more. I raised a brow. "You don't like Em, do you?"

I was taken aback at her question. But I manage to recover the next second. I wouldn't want Quinn to get the wrong idea. "No. I might have been though…" I answered honestly. I didn't know how to describe her expression, but it was definitely not a pleased one. I hold her hand with my two hands and lift it in the level of my neck. "If I weren't this much in love with you." I smiled, expecting her to smile back.

"You really delayed the last part, didn't you?" she asked amused.

"I kind of wanted to see what your jealous face looks like." I smirked.

She chuckled. "My jealous face is indifferent. The one you saw was my I-hate-myself-for-not-telling-her-earlier face."

I smiled at her with amusement.

"What? I've been practicing this whole week on what I'm going to say to you; to make up for all the hurt that I've caused you. I thought for a second that I was too late." She admitted.

"It was worth it, after all. All the waiting, and the hurting; it's all worth it. You make hard things worth it. If this is just a dream I wouldn't mind being in a sleep forever." I said barely audible.

"I would always love you, so go easy on yourself." Quinn said with her biggest smile.

I'm aware that I'm grinning like an idiot right now but it doesn't really matter. "I can't wait to tell Emily about this."

I then noticed that her expression became serious. "San?"

"What's the matter?" I asked nervously. I didn't know what she was going to say but my happiness was cut short.

"Can we keep this a secret? For now. I'm just not ready yet." Quinn pleaded.

I sighed. Then all the questions and doubts comes running back. "Are you sure about this? Because you can still back out." I forced myself to say. It's not like I have much of a choice.

"I might just have said it now, but that doesn't mean I haven't been feeling it for a long time." She said in sincerely. I even felt guilty for doubting her. But I just couldn't figure out what pushed her to confess her feelings to me all of a sudden. "All I'm asking is time, S. I'm not ready to face my parents, and everyone else. You know how people are; they wouldn't care about what good you did once they see your flaws."

"Loving is not a flaw, Q." I understand her, I do. But it was a harsh truth. I know she has a point but it doesn't change the fact that it's painful. She was about to say something but I intentionally continued. "But I'm willing to wait. I waited not knowing that I have a chance with you, what more now?"

She smiled thankfully. She slightly opened her mouth but closed it immediately, then opened it again. "Can I hug you?"

"Can _I _hug you?" I asked her permission instead.

She nodded. "I'd love it either way."

I hugged her. For the first time. It felt real. I wasn't thinking of what might happen next, I wasn't thinking of holding her longer, like I used to. In fact, I wasn't thinking at all. I'm just feeling. And it was the best thing I ever felt.

"I so love you." I heard her whisper. And even though I couldn't see her face, I felt her smile. And so I broke the hug to see her face. She finally said it. I can't think of any word that is a superlative of smile so maybe that's just it; I smiled.

I still don't know if I'm just dreaming, because it's too good to be true. But the realness that I feel; this must be reality. It's so easy for me to believe her, because what she said was exactly what I have always wanted to hear.

"Do you want to hear the honest truth?" Quinn said out of the bloom.

I got curious and just nodded.

"I didn't really miss you." She confessed. I can feel the frown that my lips formed.

Then she smiled. "_You_ were missing from me. You are a part of me. You are essential to my being. You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood. And I could not function well without you." She uttered in a sweet voice.

"You really delayed the sweet part didn't you?" I smirked.

"We're quits now." She said sheepishly.

I smiled again. It's ironic how I managed to smile in one night a hundred times more than these past weeks. Quinn has that effect on me.

* * *

**Emily's POV:**

It was around 9pm when Hanna came at my house. We had a bit of an argument. I know I wasn't on the right place but I was really in a bad mood. I was hurt by Hanna unintentionally, I was mad I guess, and when she approached me I wanted to yell at her, but I couldn't because I know it would her feelings too. I still didn't want to talk to her but she talked to my Mom, hence Mom demanded me to talk to her.

Hanna was standing on the other side of my room's door. So I didn't have any choice but to face her. I couldn't neglect her that much; she's Hanna after all.

I opened the door and I saw that she's really bothered.

"What?" I said frugally.

"You know exactly why." She crossed her arms as she was speaking. "What did I do wrong now? I thought we were okay, Em."

"And we are." I said in a matter-of-factly way.

"Then why are you acting that way?" she questioned, her voice escalated just a little bit louder.

I realized she was still standing outside my room so I pulled her and closed my door. "I was pissed, okay? Don't I have any rights to be pissed now?" I asked sarcastically.

"Why?" she begged for an answer. "What did I do?"

"Why do you assume that my emotions always concern you? Just so you know; my world doesn't revolve around you." I said indifferently.

She sighed. "Well, that hurts." She stated in a gloomy way.

I just shrugged.

"You talk to Sam, Rachel, Spencer and Santana in a normal way. But when it's me, you act so…unlike you. I was lucky enough to get a complete sentence from you. Worse, earlier you even act like I wasn't there." She complained. "Now tell me if it doesn't concern me."

"I'm just not in the mood of talking to you right now, okay?" I was trying to tell her to just drop it. This is the problem with me; I don't like being wrong.

"You are really hard to understand sometimes." She said as she shook her head.

"Thanks for reminding me. You can always walk out, you know." I said sarcastically.

She breathed deeply before speaking. "I can't act dumb anymore. Are you just playing with me? Is all of this some kind of a joke?" she questioned. I know what she was referring to.

I wanted to say yes so she wouldn't think that I really love her but know if I ever do that, it would ruin everything between us. I know I would hurt her. So I stayed true. I scoffed. "Why would I joke about something like that?"

"You make it sound like I'm your everything, but sometimes you end up making me feel like I'm nothing. Sometimes you make me feel so special yet sometimes you make me feel like shit." It was new to me; hearing her complain like that. I don't know if it's just my imagination but she sounded torn and sad that moment.

"I'm sorry if you feel that way." I said sincerely. "But Hanna, it seemed useless for me to show you how special you are when you're so busy getting somebody's attention." I admitted honestly in a calm voice.

She shook her head. "Are you mad about the hug?"

My head shoot at her direction. "What?"

"When Caleb hugged me in front of everyone." She stated. "Is that what earlier was about?" she asked curiously.

I didn't answer. I know she would assume that it's true. And it is.

"It was just a hug, Em. It wasn't a big deal. It was platonic." I didn't know why she's trying to reason to me. I mean, shouldn't she be mad? Because I don't have any right to be jealous or anything and I even threw my anger at her. But I was glad she bothers to explain to me.

"When it comes to you, it's always a big deal." That one slipped on my tongue.

I saw a glimpse of flattery in her eyes. "But I just hugged him. It's not like a kiss or anything."

"You don't understand." I said wanting to drop the topic.

"Then make me." She pleaded.

"He didn't just hug you back. You let him, for a moment… hold my whole world." I said shyly that it's barely audible.

Then a smile formed in her face. And for a second I felt relieved or happy even.

She pursed her lips. "Em? Can I ask you a favor?"

"What is it?" I provoked her to go on.

"Can you not leave me?" as I look at her, I saw pleading eyes. I knitted my brows. "I know this sounds selfish. But please. I know that at times I hurt you, but please just give me time. I don't want to hurt you, Em. Trust me. It's just that, I'm not sure with my feelings either-" she continued to ramble.

But then I cut her off. "Even if you ask me to; I won't let you go. I don't believe that true love means letting go. For me, it means loving too much that you'd never think of leaving at all. So trust me when I say that you're stuck with me…until you decide to leave me."

That's when I saw Hanna's tears flowing from her eyes. I reached for her and wrapped my arms around her. "I don't know what to say to you anymore."

"You don't have to say anything, really." I breathed.

* * *

So I can definitely say that Hanna and I are okay. I know this is only temporary. A day or two, I'd see them again, together. I'd be hurt again. I'd tell myself that I don't have any right to feel jealous again. And so on. It's kind of becoming a routine. And that's not really a good sign. But I'm in love, and love always makes things worth it.

Estimated, Hanna and I talked for half an hour. Since it's getting late I decided to walk her home. My parents were asleep at that time so they wouldn't mind if I'm the one who walks home alone anyways.

I opened the gate for us. Much in my surprise, after we stepped out, both of us stopped tracks when we saw Aria standing still. "Aria."

By the look in her face she was surprised too. "Hanna?"

I could see confusion in both their faces. Aria might be confused as of why Hanna was still in our house that late. Hanna wonders why Aria was standing in front of our residence at this time of day. I for one don't know either.

"To what do I owe this honor?" I asked Aria.

Aria strokes her nape as she speaks. "I uh…Just wanted to see you." Then she smiled.

I smiled too. I didn't know how much I missed her until now. Sure, we go on the same university, but our schedule doesn't match these days. I spread my arms, gesturing her to hug me. And so she did. She hugged me tightly.

It's a bit awkward though, knowing that Hanna was just beside me. But Hanna didn't know that I have a thing for Aria _before_, so it was good right? Just an innocent hug. It's not like she'd be jealous because she doesn't like me that way.

Then she hugged Hanna too, of course. "Didn't expect you here." She smiled.

"Yeah. Didn't expect you here either. Especially this late." She replied while smiling.

* * *

We decided to walk Hanna home since it's getting really late. We talked about random stuffs while walking. It didn't take too long to reach Hanna's house. As usual, it was already quiet. I bet her mother isn't home yet.

"Thank you for walking home. You sure you don't want to stay here for a while? I'm sure Kate and Luke wouldn't mind."

I wanted to stay with her a little more, but at the back of my head, something's telling me that Aria has something important to say.

"I'm good. I'm sure you could use some rest." I kindly declined her offer.

Aria hugged her. "Can we reserve that invite for next time? When you know, it's not this late?" Aria joked.

Both of us chuckled. "Yeah. Sure thing." Hanna answered.

So we both bid our goodbyes to Hanna and vice versa.

* * *

There will always be the first true love. The one that never really worked out but you kept your hopes up too much. The one who got away. The one who taught you all you need to know about love. Or maybe almost. And the one that until now, is still the one you look back to whenever you try to love again.

It so happens, that mine was standing in front of me…

This is going to be a longer night than I thought…

* * *

Busy -_-

Luckily, two professors of mine didn't show up in class so I had time to update :))

Yehey!

Hope you like it guys...

Don't forget to drop some reviews.

Thanks for your time XOXO


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm sorry for the late update guys! I really am. I wanted to update sooner but I had to finish the miniature I'm working on with my groupmates, so I wasn't able to...**

**Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. I know most of you are probably Hannily and Quinntana shippers but I must warn you that this chapter is Aria and Emily centric but that doesn't mean they're endgame though. Well, I really have to write this part down because it would be needed for the storyline. So I hope you continue reading :))**

* * *

**CHAPTER 6**

* * *

**First love:** it isn't the first person you kiss, or the first person you date. It's the person that you'll always compare everyone to. The person that you'll never truly get over with, even when you have convinced yourself that you've moved on.

* * *

As for my first love; I still like her. I can't deny that. I still love her, the way I used to. But whatever kept me from holding on before, it's gone now. Now it's just me hanging here, and I could let go of a word but I can't. Maybe it's because a part of me needs to still hold on because I'd miss her. I'd miss her running in my mind and all the conversations that we had that never came true.

My feelings are blurred, honestly. Most of me know that we aren't meant to be more than friends. But some part of me won't let go. Ever since. I could end it now, but what would happen then? This empty spot would be there and I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know what might have been. So I'm scared that if I let her go now, I'd never get the chance again.

* * *

"So…I can see that you and Hanna are close now, huh?" Aria said with an uncertain tone.

I caressed the back of my neck. "Yeah, kind of."

There was silence between us. Silence, that's new. I remember back then, when I'm with Aria I used to beg for that.

"Why are you smiling?" she asked curiously.

"Nothing." I answered. "Anyways, you have something to say, right?"

"Yeah." She breathed. "I was just checking how you are."

"This late? Seriously?" I asked, not convinced.

"You texted me, remember?" She smirked. Oh. Right. I was not in my right mind earlier, and decided to text her.

"I did my project due tomorrow with my group mates before I went here, so I'm sorry." She was looking at the ground.

"You came. Because I texted you a sad face?" I asked amused.

"I was worried, okay? You'd probably do the same." Aria pouted.

I smiled. "Of course I would. And I would've come the moment I received your text." I said matter-of-factly.

She smiled back. "I know." She whispered. I wish she also knew the reason I know that would mess things up now.

"I just missed you actually." I lied. But it was sincere at the same time.

"Emily Fields misses me." She repeated, seemingly saying it more to herself.

"Oh please. As if I don't tell you that." I whined.

"Well, it's always better to hear it personally. Especially when you sounded like you really mean it." She reasoned.

"I mean it every single time, Aria." I said truthfully and sincerely.

She just smiled. "I really thought something bad happened. I guess Hanna already helped you with it?" she sounded sure yet as if waiting for me to confirm it.

"Yeah." That's all I'm gonna say. I didn't have to say that Hanna was the main problem in the first place. Or at least didn't want to tell her. I used to be honest with her, but something at the back of my mind is telling me that I now is not the right time.

"That's it? Aren't you going to tell me what it's about?" she said pouting her lips. I saw a hint of disappointment in her part.

I just shrugged.

"I guess my efforts are worthless, huh?" she said it like she was telling it to herself, but she really wanted me to hear it.

"Oh come on. Don't be such a drama Queen. You might catch a cold here, let's go inside." I said not wanting the gloomy aura to penetrate.

"Nevermind. You know what? I'm going home." She said, obviously annoyed. She attempted to walk away but of course I wouldn't let her do that.

I hold her wrist. "Come on, Aria. Let's go talk inside." I said almost begging.

She seemed surprise that I practically sounded desperate. She knows I have a thing with my pride. "Are you sure we're going to talk about it?"

"No. We're going to just stare at each other the whole night." I rolled my eyes at her.

She crossed her arms. "I don't get you lately."

"I'd be surprise if you get me, Aria." I said mockingly.

"And here I was thinking that you've changed." Aria said rolling her eyes at me.

I laughed. "I'll always be your Emily." I said absent mindedly. I saw her tense up. That's when I realized what I've just said. For the second time there was silence polluting the air.

There was a staring contest. Until Aria decided to break the silence. "You do realize how sickinengly sweet that sounded right?" she asked bluntly. I would probably feel all kinds of nervous if it wasn't for the sweet smile plastered on her face.

"I'm sweet like that." I shrugged. "Now, can we please go inside?" I asked trying to push aside what I've just uttered.

* * *

**Aria's POV:**

The thing with me and Emily, is that we were never sweet to each other. Or at least normally she isn't sweet to me. But still, I know she loves me. It's obvious on her simple gestures. It's funny how she acts so tough to us, when it's obvious that she's such a softie.

She can be really sweet sometimes though. Come to think of it, I've heard the sweetest things come from her mouth. She's probably the best friend anyone could have. But I'm not planning on telling her that though; she's the best friend I've ever had but I'm not going to tell her that and help her increase her pride.

I hate her pride sometimes, but at some times it makes her the Emily that I know.

"I don't really get it. Why do we have to stay here anyways?" Emily asked impatiently as usual. I don't know why she acts so impatient when she's with me. All she ever does is complain here and there. My theory is that she does that to burden me. She likes teasing me, and irritating me, unforutnately it's her favorite hobby.

"_I asked you if you want to go to the grill, and you said no. So deal with the heat." I reasoned._

"_Well, that's because I thought we're going home if we didn't go there." She said rolling her eyes at me._

"_You'd probably not even say a word if it's Quinn who asked you to stay here." I mumbled to myself._

_Unfortunately, Emily heard it. "That's because she's Quinn, Aria." She said matter-of-factly. Obviously trying to mock me._

"_That's the point. Why do you people always give her a special treatment. It's sickeningly unfair." I complained, pouting._

_I heard her giggle. A smile stayed on her face while looking at me intently. "I like teasing you. You know that?" she asked happily._

_I rolled my eyes. "I'm not numb, Emily. Of course I know that. That's practically the most obvious thing in the world." I stated that made her laugh again._

"Let's go." She said grabbing my wrist.

"_Where are we going?" I asked irritably._

"_The Grill. I can't stand the heat here. You could've at least chose a place where there's shade." She whined._

"_It's a park, Emily. What do you expect? An air conditioner? Is it my fault that there's not much trees in there?" I said reasoning with her._

"_Whatever. It's still your fault no matter what." She declared._

_I just rolled my eyes._

_Her grip never left my wrist until we were in front of __**The Grill**__._

_We just stood there._

"_You're not planning to go inside?" I asked her curiously since she didn't show any intention to._

_She shook her head. "What for? It's not like I'm going to eat or anything." She said and I stare at her in disbelief. She noticed the way I look at her, "What?"_

"_So you're telling me that we went here for nothing?" I asked arching my eyebrow._

"_Isn't it obvious enough that I don't want crowded places that much?" she answered me with a rhetorical question. "Don't worry, I bet Ezra is going here instead of the lame park."_

"_If I didn't see him today, I'll hate you forever." I said crossing my arms._

_She rolled her eyes at me. "He'd be here." She said knowingly._

_I looked at her suspiciously. "And how can you be so sure?"_

"_My instincts are telling me so." She said proudly._

_I looked at her in disbelief._

_I went on with my rant and Emily continued her self declared job on pissing me out. After a few minutes, I saw Ezra approaching the Grill._

"_Oh my. There he is!" I exclaimed quietly not wanting him to hear me. I was amused to see him but I was more amused at how Emily has guessed._

"_See how amazing my instincts are?" she asked proudly._

"_It's probably just a coincidence." I scoffed. I didn't want to boost her ego._

_She just smiled smugly. "Anyway, I'll be leaving now." She said attempting to walk away. But I stopped her from doing so._

"_Wait." I said holding her shoulder. "Don't leave me here. I wouldn't know what to do."_

"_Give him your present. Greet him a happy birthday then walk away." She said nonchalantly._

_I frowned at her. She wasn't even giving an effort on helping me out. She knows I have the biggest crush on Ezra._

_She sighed heavily. "Just trust your instincts, okay?" she advised me._

"_What? I'm not sure if that's a good idea." I said nervously. He's getting nearer and nearer._

"_Look, I know instincts are unexplainable, but there are certain times that you shouldn't just set them aside. I don't know how to elaborate but just do it. He's birthday only comes once a year." She said rapidly. "Go!" she pushed me and I unfortunately bumped into someone._

_When I looked up, I saw a handsome creature staring at me. I was struck; like a deer in the headlights._

"_Hi! I—I'm sorry for bumping into you." I stuttered._

"_It's okay. It wasn't a big deal." He said nicely._

_I saw Emily roll her eyes. I would've rolled my eyes at her too, but a gorgeous man is in front of me at the moment._

_I kept the conversation going, __**trusting my instincts**__. It went well so far. I look at Emily every now and then, who seemed to be waiting impatiently. I already gave Ezra my gift for him. And confessed my liking on him. That would just make it more reasonable on giving him a gift, right?_

_After a few chats, I managed to ask for his number. I just hoped he gave me the right one. I'm not usually forward, but I observed that Ezra is a shy boy, and I don't know if we'd get anywhere if I didn't do anything and wait for him._

"_Uhm. Aria, It's really nice meeting you but unfortunately, I have to go. My parents are kind of waiting for me inside." He said politely._

_I smiled sheepishly. "Of course. Sorry for taking too much of your time." I apologized sincerely._

"_No. Its okay, I really enjoyed our chat too." He said sweetly._

_I smiled at him once again and bid goodbye._

_After he went inside the Grill I turned too Emily. "You're extra impatient today, Em" I said frankly. "What's wrong?"_

"_Try to wait for your friend who's busy flirting with a gay guy." She answered sarcastically._

_I was taken aback by her comment. It's not like I'm not used at her insults or teases. It's just the she sounded serious and I'm not really used at her insulting other people than me. That's not really her thing._

_I crossed my arms. Worry took over me. I know I should be annoyed and all that but this is not the usual Emily. And she did wait for me and help me with Ezra. "Is something wrong?" I asked concerned._

"_No." she sighed. "Let's just go home."_

"_What's with the sudden change of mood? Do you have another headache?" I didn't want to pry but it was so sudden._

_She looked at me intently for a while. Her expression was unreadable, and I can't deny that it scared me a bit. It always scares me when I couldn't read Emily. "Don't worry, Aria. I'm not mad at you or anything. You know how headaches get the best of me." She said, smiling._

_Somehow I felt relief but that didn't stop me from wondering if she's being honest with me. I sighed out of frustration. This is one of the reasons why I have a weird feeling whenever Emily isn't teasing me._

* * *

**Emily's POV:**

People always say that things are easier said than done. But really, there is one thing for me that is easier done than said; it's loving truly. From the moment Aria and I started talking, I knew I wanted her to be around. I'm not going to lie; I still love her. It's just that it feels so natural for me to love her. It's like I wouldn't be me if I don't. Still, that doesn't change the fact that I'm scared of losing her because of how I feel. I know confessing to Hanna was a step, but I don't know what is really keeping me from saying to Aria what I feel about her.

I don't really know if I still need to tell it to her since I chose Hanna. No, scratch that. I didn't choose Hanna. I just felt that Hanna was the right one for me. But her being here, it messes up my mind in different kinds of ways.

I entered my room with a tray of snacks and drinks in my hand. I found Aria sitting on top of my bed where I left her. She was fidgeting with her hands.

"Hey." I said softly, I didn't want to startle her. She turned her attention to me. She seemed troubled. "Is everything okay?" I asked concernedly.

She nodded her head. "So, are you ready to tell me what was your problem earlier?"

I bit my lip. Am I? I didn't know, but it's not like I have a choice. I don't want to lie to her anymore. I placed the tray on my study table and sat beside her. "Well…" I started. "As you know, Hanna and I became really close." I said emphasizing the word 'really'.

"Uhuh." She responded, nodding.

"And, well, I guess I was possessive at the time. And I wanted her full attention." I guess I wasn't ready. At least I wasn't lying. I was just…telling half the truth. "But then Caleb got in the way. And I might have lost it." I looked at her and she doesn't seemed convince.

"O—kay. That's it?" she asked. Her expression was unreadable, I guess I would've been relieved if she looked suspicious about it, but no. Her face was blank, and it scared me a bit. I hate it when I couldn't read her.

"Look. It was nothing, just a misunderstanding. But you…you doesn't seem yourself." I said shrugging the current topic.

She smiled smugly. "The usual, Em. Trying to project it to me, huh?"

I raised both hands. "Guilty." I admitted. "But seriously, is something wrong?" I asked seriously. I stood up and sat at my swivel chair instead so I could face her.

Her expression turned from blank to nervous to scared to blank again within just a second. It was a very fast transition. She opened her mouth but closed it again. It made me nervous.

"Aria?"

She looked at me intently. "Do you happen to-to like—to like Hanna?" she stuttered. My eyes widened. I expected anything but that.

"Wha—what made you think that?" I asked as if it was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

She pursed her lips together. "You know you can always tell me everything, right? We're like best friends." She assured me. She sure is acting weird right now. It's the first time she ever said that out loud; that we're best friends. And lying would be an understatement if I told myself that that didn't made my heart leap.

I nodded while a goofy smile crept on my face. "We're not _like_ best friends, Aria. We **are** best friends." And I was glad she was just as happy.

She cleared her throat. "So…would you answer my question now? And just to be clear, I wasn't referring to the platonic kind of like." She said hesitantly.

I breathed deeply. Would I answer her now? I'm scared. I don't even know why we arrived at this situation. It's pretty messed up. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I hated myself for being such a coward.

She sighed deeply. She holds both my hands. "You didn't have to answer. I think we both know the answer to that." She stated knowingly. "Over thinking ruins you, do you know that?" she asked while smiling.

I just smiled. Relief washed over my body. At least now I know she accepts me for what I feel. I nodded. "Unfortunately, I do."

There was an exchange of silence. I couldn't look at her for long so I avoided an eye contact. But on my peripheral view, I can see that Aria was looking at me intently.

"Do you remember the time when you told me to trust my instincts?" she said breaking the silence that fills the air.

I thought it was just an icebreaker or something but she proved me wrong when I nodded. I felt soft lips pressed on mine. Saying that I was shock was an understatement. It was my first full kiss. I wasn't able to react immediately but after I gained my consciousness I kissed back.

I'm having my first kiss with my first love. My mind was a blur. But my heart on the other hand surely loves this moment. I mean who wouldn't? Her hands left mine and cupped my face. I didn't know how to describe it, I mean, I never had one to compare it to, but it was nevertheless passionate yet sweet. This kiss was definitely the highlight of my day; heck, even a year.

It was just like the kiss on those sappy romantic movies. But this one felt more real. I couldn't think of anything else at the moment. Or even anyone, anyone but…Hanna. As soon as she crossed my mind I broke the kiss. The feeling of Aria's lips on mine lingered, but there was a pit in my heart feeling all kinds of guilt.

I didn't imagine that this would be the effect of my first kiss. I felt really confused and guilty, yet a part of me was contented and happy, but mostly confused. While the kiss was happening, it felt so right. But now, I don't know; it didn't feel so right anymore because there's this girl in my mind and she's blonde and has this perfect smile, which I promised to love unconditionally.

I saw a disappointed Aria in front of me. She probably noticed that I wasn't that happy. "I guess my instincts were stupid after all, huh?" she chuckled in a forced kind of way.

I felt guilt. I was happy about the kiss. I really was. And I don't want to see her sad because of me, but the timing was just…if it happened a month ago, I would've even been able to fly out of happiness. But I have Hanna now. I mean, maybe not really, but it's kind of like that, I guess.

"I'm sorry." Aria said apologetically. "I'm not sorry for kissing you, though. I'm sorry for making you sad and confused"

I looked at her eyes directly. "I thought, you had a thing with Ezra, your 'prince charming'?" it was a lame question, yet it was an important topic too. I couldn't bear it if she was just caught up with her problems. That would definitely break my heart.

She chuckled lightly. "Turns out, I don't need charming." Her face seemed serious. "I need someone who knows what unconditional love is. Someone who knows how to be honest, true and faithful." She holds my hand tightly. "And it turns out, I wasn't looking for a prince."

"I love you." I blurted out. I wanted to shove it back at my mouth but I know I couldn't. I finally said it. And I didn't have to force it out. It came out naturally that I couldn't believe what I said myself.

She just squeezed my hand. "And I love you too." Then once again I felt her lips into mine, but this time it was a quick one. She straightened herself then spoke again. "I should probably get going."

I shook my head. "I won't let you go anywhere. It's dangerous outside. I'd be a bad best friend if I'd let you walk your way home alone. Stay for the night. I'm sure my parents would say the same."

She smiled at me adoringly, "I was kind of hoping you'd ask that."

And all I was able to do was give her the same kind of smile.

* * *

**I'm really hoping to update soon...**

**Please still keep the reviews coming! Alerts would be very much appreciated as well...**

**Thank you for your time dears **


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

* * *

The first thing I checked the moment I woke up was the presence of a certain brunette. I had to know that last night was real, and it wasn't just a dream. But disappointment dawned me as I tap the space of my bed, Aria was no where to be found. I immediately got up and called her name. "Aria?"

I checked her in my bathroom. "Aria? Are you there?" I called her once again; still no sign.

I went downstairs and found my Mom making breakfast. "Mom."

She turned to look at me. "Aria has classes on Saturdays remember? She left early." My mother stated knowingly.

I sighed in relief. At least it wasn't just a dream. Suddenly my mood was bright again. I walked towards mom and kissed her on her cheek. "Good morning, Mom" I greeted sweetly.

She arched an eyebrow at me. "Someone's in a good mood." She stated.

I just shrugged and smiled at her. "Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What's it about?" she asked me while preparing the plates on the table.

"Well, can I go at the Lopez's place? You know, hang with Santana as usual." I asked hopefully.

"Of course, Dear. Your father and I are going at this hospital meetings anyways."

* * *

"All you have to do is listen to your heart, Em." Santana said casually as if it was that easy.

"Are you not listening to what I'm saying? I told you I'm confused, Santana, and so is my heart. So what happens now?" I asked letting out a frustrated sigh.

"I thought you got over Aria?" Santana asked probably confused.

"Probably, that's what I thought so too. But it seemed to me like I'm wrong. I mean, no. I never got over her. I got through with my feelings for her. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?" I ranted.

She looked up and then looked at me. "Nope. Not at all."

"You do know you aren't helping that much, right?" I asked frankly but not in an offensive kind of way of course.

She sighed and took a deep breath. "Look, I love Hanna and all but seriously, she hurts you, Em." She looked at me to see my reaction but a gave her a queue to continue. "And when your first love knocks on your door, because she's worried about you and practically risked her safety just to see you and check on you, you don't get to just let that pass."

I smiled at the thought. "Yeah. That was sweet of her. But-"

"See? That look on your face." She pointed out. "That is not a look of someone who got through her feelings with her first love, Em" she stated enthusiastically. I rolled my eyes at her. She just shrugged and continued speaking, "To cut it short, you should give it a try."

I tensed up and gave her a disapproving look. "Are you crazy? When I told Hanna that I was in love with her, I wasn't kidding. I wouldn't let a statement like that out if I weren't a hundred percent sure. I'm in love with Hanna, Santana. I know I'm confused and all but I was always sure that I'm in love with her."

"Then why are you here for again?" she asked rhetorically.

I just looked at her intently. I didn't even know why. I knew in only a matter of time she'd speak what's on her mind again.

"Not everyone gets a chance with their first love you know? I may sound bias, but I'm just speaking the truth. Aria makes you happy, Em. The way I see it, she loves you more than Hanna loves you." She uttered carefully.

"Well that pinched my heart." I said forcing out a chuckle. I didn't like what she said, but if I'm being honest with myself; she's really telling the truth.

"Truth hurts." She shrugged. "Whatever happened to the smart, Emily I know?"

"She fell in love." I whispered…more to myself.

It caused her to laugh silently. She nodded in agreement.

And there was a short silence.

I knit my eyebrows together and stared at her, that caused a confused expression on Santana's side.

"What?" she asked curiously.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked suspiciously.

She tensed up. "What do you mean what's wrong with me?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Or should I rather say, what's right with you?" I said scooting closer to her.

She let out a sarcastic laugh. "Don't you dare project this on me, Emily Fields." She shook her head. "Nope. Not this time. You're the one who's on the hot seat here."

I smirked. I know she's hiding something. I know Santana all too well to not notice. She doesn't sound broken and sad, and that's not something usual since Quinn left.

"Really? We're going through this right now?" she shook her head in disbelief.

"Spill it." I said in total confidence that she's hiding something.

She opened her mouth then closed it again. Her face full of secrets now turned into a one sad expression. "I can't"

"What do you mean you can't?" I knitted my eyebrows in confusion. "You can't or you don't want to?" I asked to reassure.

She looked at me with sadness in her eyes. I know she's trying to hide her sadness but like I said I know her too well. I kept silent. I didn't know what to say since I didn't know what it's about.

"I want to tell you, you know? I want to tell everybody but I can't." she said truthfully.

I nodded. "Well, whenever you can, I'll be willing to listen, okay?"

She smiled at me, sighed and nodded.

There was silence again.

"Hey, Em." She spoke.

"Yeah?" I turned my attention to her.

"Just give it a try, okay?" she looked at me with somewhat pleading eyes. "You always make people around you happy, and that's not wrong at all, but just don't forget to try to make yourself happy too." She ended her speech with a sweet smile. Unusual Santana once again.

I was about to say something but I was cut off by a phone call.

"Sanny, Spencer is on the line!" I heard Mrs. Lopez call out.

"Okay, Mom. Be right there." She shouted back. "I'll be back." She told me then rapidly left the couch towards the telephone.

After a few minutes she came back. She immediately searched for her phone.

"What's up with Spencer?" I asked out of curiosity.

She continued rummaging the couch. "We have to see her, she said she's been texting us. Check your phone."

"What?" I immediately took out my phone from my pocket and saw her texts.

Santana finally found her phone. "I hate myself that put this phone on silent mode."

I dialled Spencer's number for confirmation.

"Em." I hear Spencer say on the other line. It was her unusual tone, a quiet one.

"Hey" I said gently as a start up. "Are you in your house?" I asked concernedly.

"No, I'm at the park. I can't stand it there." She said between what seemed sobs.

I hate her voice right now. I hate that it sounded so fragile and vulnerable and sad. A part of me dies a little inside.

"Spence…" I can't even manage a normal tone. "We'll be there okay? Wait for us."

I can sense that she was nodding right now. "Okay." With that the call ended.

I looked at Santana. "I'll see you in the park." I said and trailed off when she nodded.

* * *

I arrived at the park and found a crying Spencer but she wasn't alone. She's with three blondes and a brunette.

I walked towards them after taking a deep breath. I walked directly to Spencer who was crying in Rachel's shoulders. Everyone was trying to console her. I can't handle seeing her like that, it hurts me so much that I didn't know what to say.

Santana and Aria arrived shortly.

I wanted to hate her parents for fighting and hurting each other. I wanted to hate her father for cheating but I couldn't. I don't have the right to.

So I just stood there watching my friend cry her heart out. She wasn't used to this. She grew up having a peaceful and loving family; that's why she grew up such a sweet girl. She always looked up to her parents. She believes that true love exist because of them. And right now, I couldn't imagine what it even feels to be in Spencer's position.

"You're just standing here?" I heard a familiar voice whisper to me.

I turned to my side to see Hanna looking at me knowingly. I just smiled at her.

"Don't know what to say to her? Or do you think there are so many of us already to console her and it's enough for you to just be here?" she asked knowing what's on my mind.

"Both." I half whispered.

She just smiled and just stayed standing beside me.

"You can always stay at our house, Spence. I mean, at least for a while." I heard Rachel say.

"Yeah. I think that would be a good idea right now." Quinn said gently in agreement.

"It's better crying there than here in public, Spencer." Sam added.

* * *

After a few talks we went to Rachel's house. Her parents are not always around so I think it's really a good idea if Spencer stays there. Besides, Rachel won't be that lonely.

Rachel served us foods, which Sam helped in preparing.

* * *

After a few more chats and attempts in distracting Spencer, which seemed to help a bit, I decided to take my leave. "Spencer, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go now." I asked Spencer's permission, of course if she said no I would definitely stay.

"It's fine, Em." She smiled, assuring me.

"Sorry, Spence. There are just things bothering my mind too…" I said apologetically. I honestly wanted to be here for her, but there are these two people that I couldn't get my mind off.

"I understand, really." She holds my hand and squeezed it. I can feel the stare of three people: Santana, Hanna and Aria on me.

"Em" I heard Aria call me after a few steps from the Berry's right after I turned right to at the corner. She ran towards me. "Is this about last night?"

"I don't know, Aria." I said cannily.

She bit her lip. "I'm sorry about the kiss-"

"What kiss?" Hanna's voice interrupted her.

Both of us tensed up. Both our eyes turned to her. I felt like I was caught red-handed and I didn't know what to say or do. I froze.

Hanna pursed her lips together. Anyone who saw our reaction would most probably suspect. I didn't even know if she has the right to be jealous, I mean, we're not together or anything. But nevertheless I felt guilty. "What kiss?" this time she was looking directly at me. Her voice seemed to almost crack.

Her eyes; they were pleading. As if she wanted me to deny it. Sadness washed over her face.

Aria was waiting for my answer too. Probably, she wanted to see if I'd deny it or anything.

I know the more I kept silent the more both of them will get hurt. "Aria and I shared a kiss last night." I said looking at the ground. There's no use of denying it anyway. She'll find out sooner or later and it might just hurt her more.

She was having an internal battle, I can see it. Hanna was shaking and I didn't even know if I should hold her. She just nodded, holding her tears.

I took a step closer but she turned around. "Hanna." I mentally cursed myself for not being able to say anything else.

"We'll talk tomorrow." I heard her say then she stepped back to Rachel's house.

* * *

I felt a tear fall down from my eye. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say." I said directing with no one in particular.

"So did." Aria said, sounding exhausted and stressed. "I shouldn't have brought it up that bluntly."

I wanted to roll my eyes at her. But if this didn't even happen, I didn't even know how to say it to Hanna myself. "Things between us are still confusing for me, Aria. After the kiss, I didn't know where we stand. You said you're sorry about the kiss, do you regret it?"

"No. Because I've been wanting to do that. What I mean to say before was that, I'm sorry about the kiss, for it being so sudden. I had class today so I haven't really had the time to talk to you and straighten it out." She bit her lip. She always does that when she wanted to say something. "Do you regret the kiss? Our kiss."

"My first real kiss with my first real love? Never." I said without batting an eyelash. Because really, I didn't regret it. It was sort of magical while it lasted. It's just that the circumstances, the situation, it messes it all up.

Aria was just standing there like she froze or something.

Then a realization hit me that that was the first time I confessed to her that she was my first love. Well, so much for romance.

* * *

**Hanna's POV:**

I shouldn't have followed her. I didn't even know if I should be happy that I knew the truth. I have the right to be angry right? She told me that she's in love with me and I'm holding on to that. I mean, saying that you love someone is like promising someone that you'd be trustworthy and loyal and faithful right?

I'm mad at her, at both of them but I'm madder at myself. I would have all the right to be angry right now if I was with Emily. I'm angry that I couldn't call her mine. I'm angry of how unsure I am if I have the right to even care.

Emily is single and so is Aria. So there shouldn't be an issue, but I can't help it. I feel that there is this deep pit in my stomach that might just eat me alive. I feel so insecure. They kissed, and that should have been me. I wanted that to be me.

I almost jumped as someone called my name that snapped me out of my trance. "Hanna." I thought for a millisecond that Emily followed me but I recognized that the voice belonged to Santana.

I immediately wiped the tears on my face. "San." I forced out.

"Why are you just standing in front of the entrance door?" Santana asked with a concerned tone. I bet she knew what had happened. She looked at me briefly. "Are you crying?" She stepped outside. I guess she didn't want others to know.

"It's just me being stupid." I reasoned effortlessly.

"Don't be like that." She said sympathetically. "Can you, tell me what happened?" she asked gently not wanting to force me to say something.

"Do you know about me and Emily? And what happened between Aria and Emily?" I asked out of desperation. I need to get this out somehow. And Santana was the best choice for me.

"I can't believe this is happening to us." I heard her whisper to herself.

"Do you want to go inside? Or would you want to just wait here? I'll be back in a minute." She said probably going to bid goodbye to our friends inside.

"I guess I'll just wait here." I said as I tried to smile.

* * *

**Santana's POV:**

I went inside Rachel's house again. It was a good thing Spencer was asleep already. Her head was on Sam's lap. At least I wouldn't feel guilty to leave.

"Santana, where's Aria and Hanna?" Rachel questioned. She was probably worried since the two left without notice.

"Aria's with Emily…" I said to make her at ease.

"And what about Hanna?" she asked out of concern.

"She's outside. We're actually going to leave if that's okay." I asked for their approval. Of course Quinn shoot up her gaze to me. It didn't came up in my mind that she wasn't aware of the current situation, so she'd definitely be curious.

"You're going home with Hanna?" she asked me with an arched eyebrow and a crossed arms. She tilted her head, signaling me that she's waiting for my response.

"Uh…" I can't tell her. I know she's my girlfriend now and all, but this isn't my secret so I don't have any right to tell her. "She's having this headache. Do you want to come with us?" I just hope that would make her less suspicious.

"She has headache? I have pills here. She should rest first. I'll just call her mother in any case." Rachel said in Berry style.

I smiled at her, "She's outside, it's not that serious. She just wants to go home."

"Well, okay. If that's what she wants." Rachel approved.

"You guys sure does act weird today, you know that?" Sam butted in.

Quinn stood up from her seat. "Are you going to be okay here by yourselves?" Quinn asked both Sam and Rachel, ignoring Sam's comment.

They both nodded. "I better carry Spencer to her bed." Sam said as he carried Spencer bridal style.

"Hey!" I called Sam which caused him to turn. "No funny business Sam. Or I swear I'll ends you." I threatened him. It was a joke of course. I know Sam wouldn't do such thing, but it was half meant though, just to be sure. I smirked at him.

He just rolled his eyes at me. "As if." Then he went upstairs towards one of the guest room.

"You better go guys. We'd be fine. Sam's going to stay the night." Rach told us.

Much in my surprise, Hanna was inside the house walking towards us. "Han."

"I texted my mom. Told her I'd stay the night too." She said like wearily.

"Are you okay? Your headache seemed pretty bad." Rachel commented. "Take a seat, okay? I'll get you some medicine."

I looked at Hanna with a puzzled face. I thought we had an understanding that we'd talk. That's the least I could do with my friends. "I thought you wanted to go home, Hanna?"

"I changed my mind. I couldn't take this headache. I want some sleep as soon as possible." She reasoned to me casually.

I sighed. Then as soon I've been aware that Quinn was eyeing me suspiciously. "What?" I whispered to her.

The bad thing is that she didn't say anything to me.

Rachel came back with the water and pills.

"Uhm. Rach, I'm sorry for the effort but can I just get some sleep?" Hanna asked nicely.

"Sure. Are you sure you don't want to drink this?" Hanna drank the water but not the pills. "You can sleep with Spencer upstairs." Hanna nodded and headed up stairs.

"I guess, we're gonna get going." Quinn said sweetly. Then we bid goodbye and started our way home.

* * *

"Quinn. Come on, talk to me." I begged my girlfriend. Girlfriend. I still get really happy being able to say that, even just in my mind. It sounded so right in many ways.

"I am speaking to you, Santana." She said coldly.

I held her hand and turned her to face me. "What's wrong?" I pulled her closer to me.

She avoided my eyes. "Nothing."

"Quinnie, I'm sorry if I did anything wrong." I said feigning innocence.

"Don't play dumb with me." Then she pushed me lightly. It would even be much better if she pushed me because she's mad but the thing is that she's just ashamed and she's scared of what people will say. "We're in a public place." She whispered. It hurts, but I'd get what I can.

I wasn't in the mood on being sweet anymore. "I'm sorry." I said, not really meaning it. I would never be sorry for being sweet to her. And for showing little things of my affection to her.

She sighed. "Let's just go home."

* * *

Our way back home was unusually silent. Both of us didn't dare to say anything until we arrive at the Fabray's front gate.

"Take care on your way home." She said blankly. But it made my heart feel a little lighter, sensing some care in her words.

I nodded holding back my smile. I turned my back at her to walk home but I couldn't bear with the fact that we're not in good terms. So I decided to talk to her first. "Quinn. I…" she looked at me patiently. "If you're jealous with Hanna, don't be. I'm happy though, you know? Because it made me felt important."

"Don't get used to it, though" She warned me. Trying to hide her smile. "Why would you even go home with her anyway? Without even telling me." She asked without a hint of accusation, just pure curiosity.

"I'm not in the right place to tell you. But Quinn, trust me when I tell you that you're the only girl in my heart." I said sincerely.

My eyes widened when she kissed in the cheek. In front of their house.

She held both my hands. "I'm sorry if we have to keep our relationship a secret. I know it's hard for you. And trust me it's hard for me too. But we're gonna get better. I promise." Just knowing that she's trying is enough to make my heart feel so fluffy.

"I know. As much as I want to let the world know how much I love you, I'd rather keep you to myself, and secretly call you mine. Besides, I'm a little scared that the world might take you from me, I'm sure the world wants someone as beautiful as you too." I smiled sheepishly.

"You're so cheesy it's killing me." She commented as she joined me laughing.

"But seriously. I love you and I'd wait until you're ready, Q. As long as we're both trying, I'm staying." I said with a face of determination and sincerity.

She just smiled with adoration and tenderness in her eyes. "I'm helplessly in love with you, Santana Marie Lopez." She said in an angelic voice.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Since it's Christmas break already, I'm able to update sooner than usual, so Yey! :)**

**I hope you like this chapter guys.**

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**More confrontation in the next chapter by the way...**

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**Thanks for the alerts, follows and all. Love you guys ;))**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

* * *

_Are the choices you are making going to really make you happy NOW or happy eventually?_

**Santana's POV:**

I really wanted to spend my whole day with Quinn because the weekend is almost over and she's leaving tomorrow. But it's not like I have a choice because it's Sunday. Her half-day of Sundays is always spent in Church. Not that I'm complaining that she so dedicated in church but you can't blame me to be somehow disappointed that I can't be with her for half the day.

I have Sunday requirements too, like waking up at 7 am to be ready for mass. My abuela always make sure that I wouldn't miss Sunday masses. The thing is, I'm Catholic and Quinn isn't so we don't get to see each other at church. Which is okay though because it's less distraction to what I'm really supposed to be doing at church.

Emily, Hanna and Rachel though, go at the same church as my family does, so we get to see each other. Which is great because I have to talk to Hanna. Hence, I approached her right after the mass.

* * *

"Let me get this straight, Hanna." I started. "I love you. But I don't love you for Emily…" I look at her to see her reaction but there was sadness and then guilt suddenly dawn me.

But I have to tell her these things so make her think. At least I can say to myself that I did something and I didn't just sit in the corner and watch as both my friends are risking for happiness. "You're that person who wants a Disney fairy tale kind of love story and we both know that it is not going to be the case if ever you choose to be with Emily. So as early as now, tell her if you're going to give it a go or not."

"I know but it's not that easy, Santana." Is all the answer that I got from her. "Look, Emily is…she's something else. These feelings that I feel for her is something that I couldn't articulate just yet. I really feel bad, San, I do…" she looked down and placed her hand on her forehead.

"I don't like you for her, but I like the way you make her feel, Hanna." I looked at her sincerely searching for understanding. "If you're afraid that she'd stop loving you if you let her go, then you're wrong."

Her lips were just pursed. She chose to remain silent. Probably because she doesn't even know what to say.

"I'm sorry if you think that I'm attacking you but Emily has been so nice to us. She makes us happy above all and I want her to be happy too. And it so happens that her happiness depends on the decisions that you make."

"Emily always make me look at a better perspective, you know? And right now, I don't know what to do. Because this is not something that I could just tell to everyone. I'm sure she wouldn't want that." she sounded so broken that made my heart ache. I hate seeing my friends this sad.

I pulled her gently into a hug. "We're here for you. I'm not as good as Emily in giving advice. But I'm here to listen. And I'll try my very best to understand." Next thing I know she was crying. And I almost did too. This whole thing shouldn't be happening. We all are supposed to be happy.

* * *

**Emily's POV:**

I felt nervous as I pressed the doorbell.

After a few seconds Hanna opened the door for me.

She looked so distressed, which caused my heart to die a little inside. She led me to her room.

None of us dared to speak. She wasn't looking at me at all. She was just playing with her fingers until I cleared my throat.

"I didn't meant for the kiss to happen, Hanna." I started.

"I'm sorry for acting like a victim here. I know I'm not in the right position to react like this." She said blankly.

"No. Don't say that please." I stepped closer to her and lifted her chin so we can have an eye contact. I held her right hand with my free one. "You have every right to feel whatever you're feeling. I know we're not dating or anything—but even though you don't think that you belong to me, I know that I'm yours…and I told you that. And even I would feel betrayed if ever that happened to me."

"Let's not talk about the kiss anymore. I understand, Em. I really do." She responded. "I just need you to be completely honest with me." I nodded with anticipation. She took one step away from me. "Are you really in love with me? Or are you just projecting your feelings for Aria to me?" Hurt was evident in her eyes.

"I am deeply in love with you Hanna." I said in all honesty. "But…"

"But." She repeated. "It always scares me when someone says something positive then continues with a 'but', because most of the time, I end up getting hurt." She said in a tone that almost discouraged me to continue. She's different from the one that I call 'My love' before. She's torn and confused and I couldn't handle it. A part of me made me hope that I shouldn't have pursued my feelings for her.

_What I realized, is that I wasn't being a good friend anymore. The moment I started loving her the way I do now, I stopped being a good friend to her; I started doing things, not for her but for me. I started doing things not for wanting to fill in her needs, but to get her to love me. I wasn't being a nice friend anymore. And I realized I needed to stop._

"But I don't think, this love that I feel, is what we both need right now." I struggled to say it out loud.

She was shaking her head in disagreement.

"Mr. Friday is going to get hurt. I am hurt and so are you." I said to her truthfully. I wanted to believe otherwise but I'd just fool myself. "This isn't healthy for any of us."

She was shaking her head. "If I tell you now that I love you too, would you stop whatever you're saying and just be with me instead?" her tone was pleading and desperate that it hurts so bad.

I control every ounce in my body not to kiss her and tell her yes. It wouldn't be right to give in. "I can't do that to you." She looked at me puzzled. "I don't want to pressure you, Hanna. I don't want to take advantage of you because if I did, we'd both end up regretting. I know you're confused right now. Feelings really mess up decisions, I know it because I've been there."

"No, Em. I love you. I really do love you." And I was really glad to hear that. Although I always hear that from her, but the feeling never gets old. But it wasn't the answer that I needed.

"I know. And I love you too. And I love Aria and Santana and Quinn and Sam and Rachel and Spencer. Because that's what friends do, Hanna; they love each other. But the thing is, you're not in love me. There is a big difference in loving and being in love. Let's not be confused." I tried to explain as clear as possible, hoping we'll be on the same page.

She stayed silent for a while. We stayed silent for a while. I know she wanted to say something but she refused to. A part of me was disappointed. If only she said that sentence that I wanted to hear ever since I would push away all the fears and regrets and I'd fight for my love.

But she didn't…

A forced smile appeared on her face. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm confused right now, but if ever…you'd still be waiting for me, right?"

There was something in me that sensed hope, because on the way I see it, she's looking forward on the day that she can proudly say the words that I've been wanting to hear from her. "I'd always be here for you, Hanna. I just want to act like a real friend to you; not just some person who wants nothing but for you to love her back. Because that's not the case; I am your friend before I fell in love with you…and I still am." I guess I just need her to be happy. I need one of us to be happy.

* * *

**Quinn's POV:**

I'm in this part of life when I'm with Santana, thinking of how happy I am; these kind of moments where I'm so happy that I'm afraid of the next moment because it couldn't possibly be quite as good.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." That's all I have to say to make the aura not so happy anymore.

"I know." She breathed.

I looked at her keenly. "'I know'? That's all I get?"

"What? You want me to cry? And beg you not to go or something?" she deadpanned. But I know she's just trying to irritate me.

"Well, that's what you always do." I said in response.

She smirked at me. "Oh yeah?"

I nodded while biting my lower lip.

"You're lucky then. You must be very special to me." She has her signature smile in her face that could save the world from the brink of destruction.

"Maybe I am." Holding the smile that she plastered on my face.

Then for a moment she was silent. She was busy with her own thoughts. And I didn't bother disturbing her contemplation. It was an opportunity for me to just stare at her.

Then I felt her hands on mine. "What do you think will happen to us next?" she asked me with a soft smile.

"I honestly don't know. All I know is that I want to deal with things as soon as possible because I don't want to keep you a secret, Santana. You deserve much more than that, because you're someone anyone should be proud to have." And it made my heart flutter equally when I saw that she was touched. I really want to tell everyone, even if they're not asking, but right now…I just can't.

"I'm not rushing you, okay? It's fine. I mean, I'm not saying let's stay as it is, but if you're not ready yet, it's fine." She assured me, squeezing my hand.

"You're not going to find someone else better than me while I'm gone, right?" I said half joking, half serious. I'm not usually insecure but when it comes to Santana, I'm just like this. I know there's a lot of girls that would want her attention.

She scoffed. "Are you serious? I should be the one worrying about that. Yale sweetheart." I laughed at the address.

"If _ever _anyone would show me any motive, I'd tell them, 'Sorry, but you know what? I already have someone special in my life so better luck next time.' I'd smile then walk away." I assured her, and then she is laughing.

"I love you." She said, followed by a kiss in the forehead. I know she's happy like I am. But I know she's sad at the same time. And she's scared to like I am. "Make sure to text me, okay?"

"Of course. I'd even call you. And this time, there's no reason not to do that now." I said fully aware that I broke that kind of promise before.

Nicholas Sparks said: "The scary thing about distance is that you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget you." But being enveloped in Santana's arms, I'm confident that she'll miss me and I feel that I'm secured.

"I'm not really scared about the distance anymore." She said confidently which puzzled me. "I'm more worried about your parents and my family. I'm more worried about the time that they would have to know. I wouldn't know what to do, if I'd lose you."

Her words, just imagining that it will someday happen is scary enough. The thing is, I can handle all those people that would get in the way, but if it's my parents, that's a different story. "We're going to get past it all, together. If our love isn't enough-" I shook that thought "No. **Our love** **has to be enough**."

She smiled at me. It wasn't forced; it was her smile. Though I know the fear is still there. "If something's bound to happen it will, right?"

I nodded.

"Well then, I guess we don't have to worry _that much_. Because I'm pretty sure I was born to share forever with you." She tried to sound convincing. Well, it really didn't completely made me feel okay but it did make me feel better.

* * *

**Spencer's POV:**

It's amazing how my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, throwing a grenade at my mother, while my father was aiming his gun at me, and Melissa was trying to stab my father, my parents would say we should stop having this public 'discussion'.

One thing for sure, if ever I'd get married someday, I would never fight in front of my kids, because I know I hated seeing my parents fight.

Whatever happened to 'Family…where love begins and never ends'?

"Spencer, where are you going again?" my mother asked. I wanted to be far from home as often as possible, I can't deal with their constant 'discussion'.

"To Rachel's." I lied. "I left my bracelet at her house, Emily gave it to me so…" I trailed off. I didn't want to stay at the house any longer so I left as soon as I can.

I couldn't deal with the drama right now. My head is messed up enough.

I was walking in the streets when I bumped into a familiar shoulder. "Aria!" I immediately wrapped her with a hug.

"Someone's excited to see me." She joked. We both chuckled at the moment. "You out for lunch?"

I shook my head. "No, but that can be compromised."

"Good. Because I'm hungry." She said before she grabbed my hand and practically dragged me to McDonalds.

"Seriously?" I shot her an amused look.

"What? Don't judge. I know you like it here too." She said defensively.

"I know. It's you that I'm surprised about." I answered as we both enter the fast food chain.

We ordered chicken fillet like we usually do, then sat at one of the seats available.

"So…" she started the conversation.

"The war at home isn't over yet apparently." I answered knowing what her concern is.

"They're going to work things out. Your parents are the sweetest, they love each other, believe me." She said trying to comfort me.

"Why would he kiss whoever that woman is, if he really loves my mom?" I said with bitterness. You can't blame me though, I really looked up to them. They were the reason why I believed that someone could find true love, and now, that belief fell apart.

"I couldn't answer that." And I gave her a 'see?'-look. "But people make mistakes, if Uncle Peter doesn't love your mom and you, he would've left you, but he didn't." she has a point there, but I brushed it away because right now, I'm just mad.

"Whatever. Can we please not talk about this now. This has been our topic yesterday at Rachel's, and it's really stressing me out." I know she wanted to protest but chose not too. When she didn't speak anymore I tried to open another topic. "How about you? Are you getting along with life?"

She looked at me and stopped eating. "Not really."

"Explains why you eat too much." I teased which made her glare at me. I just smiled sweetly at her. "Why? What's wrong?"

She sighed deeply. "Well, first off, I kissed someone…" that caught me off guard but it drew my attention more. "Which is my first kiss."

"You? Initiated the kiss?" I made sure because I swear, if anyone took advantage of my friends I'll have them arrested. When she nodded I was relieved. "What's wrong with that?"

"I think the said person is…" I can see some hesitation in her face. I was about to say that it's okay and all that but she continued. "I think that said person is committed to someone else." Well that's awkward, the plot is familiar but it's not like my friend is going to ruin a family.

I tried to think of any response. I cleared my throat first. "I guess, when you fall in love with someone who belongs to someone else, acknowledging the truth is painful; the more you know that they love each other, the more painful it gets. And it would be more painful if you choose to interfere." I'm not being bias at all. I'm not good at these kinds because I've never been in love, so I said what I think is the right thing. "You have to keep the feelings inside. Waiting for that person you love to notice that you're right there."

I could see tears threatening to fall from her eyes, and I felt really sad. I want to hug her but the table is between us and I know she's trying really hard not to make me see that my words stung her. "I'm so wrong, huh?" is the response she came up with.

"Maybe it's just the wrong timing." I tried to comfort her. She gave me a half smile.

"They are not together, Spence. But, the person that I want is in love with someone that loves someone else too." She said forking her chicken.

I caressed my temple. "You know I only know little about those things, Aria. I'm sorry. You know what, you could seek help to Emily. You know that girl is like some genius hermit in giving advice." I smiled at the thought of Emily. It's like she always know the best things to say. Aria on the other hand almost choked on her food. "Are you okay?" I asked concerned while giving her drink as I chuckle. "Take it easy. No one's going to steal your food." I joked.

"Shut up, Spencer." She said when she found her composure back. "Thank you for the concern." She rolled her eyes sarcastically.

I laughed. "But seriously though, talk to, Em."

It was her turn to laugh, although I didn't know what is so funny about what I said when I used the word 'seriously'.

"She's busy, as of the moment." She said briefly.

"So you tried talking to the love guru." I concluded. "I'm sure she'll make time for you like she always does." I said confidently. If there's someone I believe that will be there for me whenever, it's Emily. She's a good friend like that.

"I'll put that into consideration." She whispered while chewing her food.

I smiled at Aria's cuteness. "Does anyone ever tell you not to talk when your mouth is full?"

"Well excuse me. When did my mother possessed you?" she responded that made us both laugh.

Life isn't so harsh after all; because somewhere along the way, I met my best friends. And with them it's like nothing can go wrong. They are one of the reasons I _couldn't_ _**not**_ thank God that I'm very blessed.

As of this moment, my friends are the glue that keeps me whole and refrains my life from falling apart. For a moment, thank God I bumped into Aria, I forgot that I had my own problems…

* * *

**A/N:**

**Thank you for those lovely people who reviewed.**

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	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I really hope you like this chapter guys. It's longer than the usual chapters because I wasn't able to update for a long time. And I tried to balance the storylines for the Hannily and Quinntana stuffs.**

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* * *

**CHAPTER 9**

* * *

"_I guess, when you fall in love with someone who belongs to someone else, acknowledging the truth is painful; the more you know that they love each other, the more painful it gets. And it would be more painful if you choose to interfere."_

"_You have to keep the feelings inside. Waiting for that person you love to notice that you're right there."_

"_Maybe it's just the wrong timing."_

Spencer's words kept replaying on my mind. For the nth time I can feel tears flowing from my eyes. Her words stung deep. I know it's true. Truth can be cruelly painful sometimes.

"_My first real kiss with my first real love? Never."_

I was her first love, maybe there's this chance that she'll love me that way again, right? I mean, people say, first love is always special. I know that because Emily is special to me. I don't want to get my hopes up but a girl can dream, right?

"Hey!" I heard someone call out that snapped me out of my trance. When I looked up I saw Santana running towards me.

"Santana. You're early." I commented.

"Well, I believe in the saying that the early bird catches the worm." That hit home. I know she didn't address that remark to me but it stung. I wondered if I confessed my feelings earlier things wouldn't be this complicated. Santana might've noticed my expression. "You're early too. Care to share?"

"I couldn't sleep so I decided to come early…" Emily and Santana is kind of a transitive property when it comes to things like this. She sat beside me. "So I guess, you know about the situation."

She nodded. "Just so you know; I'm rooting for you." She smiled at me. And I couldn't help but smile. It's good to know that I can talk to someone who completely knows the situation I'm in, plus, she's rooting for me.

I smiled at her. "Really?" I asked that sounded hopeful.

"Yeah, until Hanna come in terms with her feelings." And here I was thinking that she's serious. I slapped her arms. "Ouch! I was just trying to cheer you up."

"Well, you're not helping." I said as I try a pout.

She just laughed at me. "But seriously, I like you for Em. She still loves you in _that_ way, I can feel it. Just wait for her, she'll come around."

I smiled at her genuinely. "I hope so." Then I looked at her intently. "Just so you know, you don't have to tell me, I _will_ wait for her." Of course I will.

It was her turn to smile. "Good. I didn't have to use force then." She said jokingly.

I laughed at her joke actually. "Do you know that I was her first love? Do you happen to know when?" I blurted out.

"Hmmm. Well, she did tell me she loved you first. I didn't know when exactly but I think it was since high school, because she said she fell in love with you before I fell in love with Quinn." I didn't know if I would be glad to hear that or hate myself because I didn't know how many times I blew my chance of being happy with Emily.

* * *

"_Do you think first love never dies?" Emily asked me in a too serious tone. I was taken aback, one; she doesn't usually take me seriously, two; it's about love, a topic that isn't her thing in my opinion._

_For a moment all I did was look at her. __I decided to answer really briefly to lessen the tendency to spill my feelings. "No. I don't think so." I lied. I actually believe that first love will always be special, just like how special Emily is to me._

_"That's it? You just don't think so?" she said in somehow disappointed tone. She wasn't satisfied with my answer obviously._

"_Yeah. Why?" I tried to sound indifferent as possible. I wonder why she's asking these things now. Does she have a first love? I didn't bother asking even though I am curious. I know she wouldn't answer me anyway._

"_Nothing." she said briefly. I was hoping she would spill whatever it is that's bothering her, but as expected she just shrugged. Her next question however…"Have you ever been in love?"_

_That almost made me jump out of my seat. Where does she get these kinds of questions? I almost tell her that I've always been in love with her, but I managed to suppress my feelings. Instead I breathed deep and just smiled before I could think of a better response. "Yeah, with a girl actually." She tensed. At that moment I didn't know what to think, I was scared that she would look at me in disgust._

_She wasn't saying anything, it's like she just froze. I decided to break the silence. "You think I'm serious?" I noticed that she responded fast._

"_Are you joking?" she asked in an unreadable expression. I wanted to take back what I just revealed, but I didn't want to lie to her about that biggest detail._

"_No." I answered in full confidence; well I tried to sound really confident._

"_Is she someone I know?" she pried. I wanted to answer, 'Of course you know her, Em. Unless you haven't met yourself yet.'_

But I'm not ready for rejection, especially from her. Importantly, I'm not ready to lose her as a friend. So instead I just said, "_Yeah. Sure." She was quiet again. I was waiting for her to speak. I hope she would catch on. Or even just joke about it, like 'Don't tell me, it's me. I know you can't help it, a lot of people can't but…' and then I'd tell her, right there and then. But she didn't._

_She was just there in her own thoughts. I couldn't stand being with her right now. I know if this conversation continue, I'd tell her how I feel, so I spoke before she did. _"_It's getting late."_

* * *

"And there I was, so scared that she would reject me." I said with oblivious regret in my tone.

Santana must be staring at me because she noticed that I was having an internal dilemma. "You were both scared I guess. The three of you are scared, or at least was."

"We're a bunch of scared teenagers." I agreed.

"Hmmm…You were scared of rejection; Emily was scared to take any risk; while Hanna is scared to make the wrong decision…"

"Well that's stupid. For me, Emily will always be the right choice." I said nonchalantly. Not Hanna, but the fact that someone is hesitant of taking a risk with Emily.

"That's because you're sure that you're in love with Emily. Hanna on the other hand, is confused." Santana defended.

"Hmm…I thought you're rooting for me. You seem to be taking her side." I feigned hurt. "Is it because she's blonde and I'm not?" I tried to joke.

A small laugh escaped her lips. "Maybe. But I have a more specific type."

"Quinn." -The only word that I need to say to put a smile on my friend's face. Santana seems happier these days. I wonder why. "You don't seem bitter anymore. In fact you seem better." I commented.

"Here's the deal. Solve your problem first, before you mind other people's business." She said in a nice Santana way, which by the way, still sounded mean to me.

"I take it back, you're not better. You're still mean." I crossed my arms and stood up.

She just laughed at me as usual. "Where are you going?"

"None of your business." I said feigning annoyance.

"As if I'm gonna buy your acting, Aria." I heard her say then I walked away…or I was going to, but three familiar figures caught my attention; Spencer, Rachel and Emily. They were coming this way.

"Hi, Aria!" Rachel greeted from a not so far distance. "Where are you going?" she asked curiously right after they manage to come right in front of me. I didn't answer her because I was focused on Emily. I wasn't sure if I should greet her or wait for her to greet me. I tried to make eye contact but she walked past me and took a sit beside Santana.

That hurt.

"Aria?" Rachel asked again.

"I was trying to walk out from Santana. But since you guys are here, there's no need to do that." I explained, for the sake. "Where's Sam?" I asked, attempting to distract myself.

"He said he's on his way. And by that, he probably meant that he just finished taking a bath." Spencer stated which made me chuckle. By now were used of Sam's tardiness.

"How about…" I suddenly felt awkward about continuing but Spencer continued my question for me.

"Hanna? She can't make it. She texted me that she's sick." Spencer didn't sound convinced just like me. It has probably something to do with our dilemma.

"So guys. I mean girls, where are we heading to? Is it going to be a movie marathon this time? Or we're gonna roam around the mall?" Spencer asked…

* * *

**Santana's POV:**

"You don't look happy." I commented at Emily's weary face.

"How can I be happy? She's sick and I'm here walking around the mall." She said obviously referring to Hanna.

I sighed. "You're not even sure she's really sick. It could be just a stupid excuse for all we know." I speak my mind.

"It doesn't matter if she's really sick. I know she's not feeling well, or else she would be here." She reasoned, which, most probably is correct.

"You're right. And I bet she doesn't want to see you or else she would be here." I said what I honestly think.

She sighed. "Santana."

I just shook my head in response. I know she's in love and all, but I didn't know she could be this incapable of thinking straight. Okay, wrong choice of words. I even laugh mentally at myself a little bit.

We headed to the elevator but it was crowded.

I smirked. "What's the smirk all about?" Emily raised an eyebrow.

"It's like this…" I started. "Why would you insist on going inside the elevator if there's no space for you there, when in fact you can take the stairs; you just don't want to take notice of." I was pretty impressed at myself for being able to resemble it to her situation.

She was indeed taken aback. I know I hit a homerun remark. And what a perfect timing: Aria decided to call me at this point of time.

"Hello, Aria." I didn't fail on emphasizing her name.

"_What's taking you so long? Is someone drowned in the toilet?_" Aria asked sarcastically.

"What's taking _me_ so long?" I asked in a teasing tone.

"_Both of you. Are you planning to come back?_" she said in annoyance.

"Yeah. Be there in a sec., don't miss _me_ too much." I said alongside with a smirk.

"_You better be._" She said in an authoritative tone. Then it turned into an almost whisper, "_Would you stop talking and get your as back here._" Yup, she still has that psychic thing.

I just chuckled. "Okay, bye." The line went off and turned my attention to Emily. "So, see what I'm saying?"

"You could always wait for the elevator to be empty. It happens." She said wittily. I was about to argue but the elevator went open once again and it was kind of empty. So I choose to just smile and kept quiet. I hate it when chances sides with her.

* * *

"Where is she?" Aria asked the brunette confusedly.

"She checked if Hanna's okay. She might not return." The brunette said with a soft voice which just formed an o-shape on Aria's mouth.

"I'm surprised you didn't come with her." It was a statement but it sounded more of a question to Emily.

"I'm sure Hanna's not in a very bad condition, I' pretty sure she can handle herself, she's a strong girl." Emily replied. She seemed to be saying it more to herself, trying to reason with herself why she doesn't need to go there herself. And Aria wasn't amused.

"If she can handle herself why'd you have to ask Santana to go check on her?" it was a question that Aria wanted to ask Emily but decided that it wouldn't matter. At least not in her case. She's just glad she finally got to talk to Emily, after being avoided for the past minutes.

* * *

As planned, Santana went to the Marin's residence to make sure that Hanna is okay. Supposedly, Emily was the one who's going but Santana thought it would be better if the two would have some space for themselves. She thought it would be nice if Emily could enjoy some quality time with their friends.

So there she is, sitting in Hanna's bed, staring at her blonde friend with puffy eyes, obviously from her continuous crying.

"For a second, I thought she was the one standing at that door. I panicked, really, not knowing what to say, or do. But it caused me happiness, even for just a very little moment." Hanna stated looking down at her bed while she's seated Indian style on it.

"Yeah, well you don't have to rub it in my face that my presence is not wanted here." Santana joked, trying to make her friend smile genuinely. Sadly, she didn't succeed on her first attempt.

"No, it's not that." Hanna said briefly. They both know what she meant by that but it still kind of annoyed Santana because she never liked the broody side of her friend. She's just not used to it, and she refuse to get used to it.

"Would you get mad at me if I told you that she wanted to visit you but I stopped her?" the Latina confessed in an asking manner. She thought it would make her friend happy somehow.

But instead of a smile, she was given a confused look. "Why would you do that? You're really not my fan, huh?" she used a serious tone but the last part was more of a half joke.

Santana didn't know if she should smile, "Hey, I'm your fan, just not, a Hannily fan just _yet_."

Hanna smiled at the _Hannily _remark. Ridiculously, she was happy that their names were together even though the two of them are physically and emotionally apart.

"You're scaring me. What's so funny about what I said?" Santana asked confused. She was smiling though, seeing a smile on her friend's face.

"Just yet?" Hanna asked trying to change the direction of their conversation, she was a bit shy of the reason she's smiling. Hanna waited patiently for an answer since her friend is busy texting. "Don't mine me, I'm just gonna wait here until you finish texting." Hanna seemed a bit better now since she was able to throw jokes.

"Don't judge, it's Em." Santana said teasingly. She knew it was a bit of a sensitive topic but the text was from a concerned Emily so it couldn't hurt that much, she thought to herself.

"What did she say?" the blonde asked curiously.

"She's just asking if I'm already in your house; if you're doing fine and the sick part was just an excuse." Santana stated the texts Emily sent her, well, some of it.

"That's all?"

"She's wondering why you didn't come. She's wondering if it's because you don't want to see her." Santana continued.

"What did you say to her?" Hanna was trying to make sure Emily doesn't get the wrong idea.

"I said that you're just really tired from all the shit that's going on." The brunette said slowly and casually.

"Well, I appreciate your answer but try refraining yourself from cussing." Hanna took notice of Santana's use of foul word.

"You're starting to act like Quinn too." Santana couldn't help but comment, while a smile on her face is plastered.

The action caused Hanna to smirk. "When will you ever comment something about Quinn and not have that dreamy smile of yours?"

Santana grabbed a pillow and hit Hanna with it. "Shut up."

Hanna's expression turned from happy to serious.

"What?" Santana asked briefly. Which kind of sums up for 'Is there a problem?' 'Why are you looking at me like that?' 'Did I say something wrong?'

"Nothing, I'm just glad that at least some of us are happy." And there she goes with her gloomy side of her again.

"Cheer up, Hanna. You can be happy too. You just have to let yourself be." Santana answered without batting an eyelash.

Santana wasn't sure if Hanna was planning to answer her, she didn't have time to see either because her phone rang with the name of Quinn Fabray appearing on her screen. She signaled Hanna to excuse herself for a moment.

"Quinn. You're calling." Santana said with a nervous chuckle.

"_Where are you?"_ Quinn asked demandingly.

Santana was having a hard time choosing her answers; she knew Quinn can get suspicious sometimes. "Didn't I tell you where I'm going?"

"_You did, that's why we're having this conversation._" Quinn answered at an instant. She almost scared Santana Lopez with her tone.

"Ahh…" Santana was confused.

"_Rachel said you're not in the mall with them._" Quinn stated, waiting for confirmation even though she's pretty sure it's true. "_…which, in case you don't know, is where you said you were going to._"

Santana cleared her throat trying to stall. "And why would you call Rachel before me?" By that time, Hanna stood from the bed and sat on the chair in front of the mirror to fix her hair.

"_That's not the issue here_." Quinn tried to reason, clearly annoyed.

"Oh, but it is an issue to me." Santana didn't want to argue with Quinn, but finding a reason to be annoyed, she started an argument. It was a valid question, right?

Quinn sighed. She knows Santana is in the mood of fighting and she's annoyed isn't a very good combination. "_Just tell me where you are._"

"Why didn't you ask your _girlfriend_?" Santana snapped.

Quinn didn't like the remark. "_I actually asked Rachel, I just want to hear it from_ _**my real girlfriend**_." Santana checked Hanna heard, but the way she sees it, Hanna wasn't really paying attention on her conversation with Quinn. Fortunately, her phone wasn't on loudspeaker.

Santana sighed, she knew Quinn has the right to be irritated but her ego gets the best of her. "I'll talk to you later." She stated like it's not debatable.

"_Santana, you're starting to get on my nerves._" The blonde on the other line warned.

"The more we should talk later Bye, Quinn." The Latina said before she cut the line. She felt guilty on cutting their conversation like that, but she tried to justify herself. She just might say something she might regret, and she didn't want to have that kind of conversation with Quinn, in front of Hanna. After all, their relationship should still be kept a secret, according to Quinn herself. She'll understand, Santana thought.

Santana deeply sighed. "So much for being happy. Huh?" the Latina tried to joke to clear the air.

Hanna just smiled. "You'll fix it." She said simply.

Santana smiled back. "Hope so."

"You know what; let's go to the mall. It's like one in the afternoon, they're probably still there." Hanna suggested, she seemed feeling better and confident to see Emily.

"Are you sure? I mean, she's there." Santana asked.

"Locking myself in my room won't solve anything." The blonde pointed out.

"Well, you should've thought of that, hours ago." Santana remarked, it was meant as a joke but Hanna seemed to take it seriously.

"Yeah, well, I know you're not feeling any better now, so, I figured you want to talk to Emily since that's what you always do." Hanna said truthfully.

My face softened for so many reasons, "I didn't really helped on making you feel better did I?"

"Come on, you came here instead of enjoying watching movies and eating ice cream and playing arcade games, that means a lot to me, Santana. You're genuinely nice to me and I know that's totally not for everybody." I smiled at what she said. I think I'm finally getting better at being a good friend.

"Now, get your ass dressed up; we have some ice cream eating-arcades playing-movie watching group date to attend to." I said as I throw a pillow at her.

* * *

"Quinn, sweetie, what's wrong? You look like you just carried all the problems in the world." Quinn's roommate, Mercedes, said as she entered the room seeing the blonde girl closed to crying.

"I couldn't look that bad, Cedes." Quinn replied. "Do I really look that bad?" she looked at her roommate.

Mercedes chuckled a bit. "Maybe I exaggerated a bit, but really, what's wrong?"

Quinn just sighed.

"Come on, you know you can tell me, I'll listen." She assured her friend. She then, sat at the seat facing Quinn.

"Remember when I told you I had someone special back home?" when Mercedes nodded she continued. "Well, we've been…" Quinn sighed again hesitating to continue.

"Together?" the bigger girl finished Quinn's sentence which made the blonde panic. "Why do you look startled? There's nothing wrong with that, you're seventeen and you're in love." Mercedes made it sound like there's nothing wrong with it but Quinn knew better, so she just kept quiet.

Quinn contemplated if she's ready to say that she's in love with her best friend, which is a girl. But that's the good thing about being away from home, right? You can be away from what people think about you, you can make a new reputation, a new image. One thing for sure, Quinn wanted to be just herself this time.

"What if that special someone isn't…" she wanted to say it, she really do, but she's scared, she's afraid that if she tell it to anyone, her parents might know, and they wouldn't stand a chance.

"Is it…uhm" Mercedes stopped halfway thinking twice if she wouldn't offend Quinn with what she's going to say. Sure, they've been pretty close as time goes by but she doesn't know if she's already in the right place to talk about these things. Quinn wasn't really the type of person that talks about herself.

"It's Santana." Quinn continued. There was a relief after that but it didn't take long that she felt emotionally naked. And it scared her. She waited for the other girl's reaction, she expected to see a shocked Mercedes but all she sees now is a smiling girl, like she knew it all along.

"I knew it's only a matter of time." The darker girl said. She held both Quinn's hands. "Quinn, there's nothing wrong with that. It's like loving a boy, but with longer hair and minus the extra appendage." Mercedes' words comforted Quinn; she said it so casually like it's not a big deal.

"You make it sound like it's not a big deal." Quinn spoke her mind.

"Did I?" she laughed. "I'm sorry then, falling in love is always a big deal, Quinn." Mercedes ended her sentence with a smile.

"This world that we have, Santana and I, it's a beautiful place, it's perfect. And I'm afraid that if I invited somebody in to see our home, they might mess it up or take it away from me, and I can't afford that, Cedes. I've never felt…_this_. And it's the most terrifying, yet most beautiful feeling in the world." Quinn said dreamily.

"I don't see what's wrong with that, except, are you on the same page? I mean, some people are just not pleased to be kept a secret, especially when they're the kind of person that's proud of what she have, and proud that she's in love." Mercedes explained I Quinn knew exactly what she meant. And if she's really being honest with herself, she's practically describing Santana unintentionally.

"She said she's going to wait, until I'm ready. And I know she meant it, Cedes, I do. But we're physically distant, and I have these thoughts, like, what if she finds someone who's out and proud to be with her? I want to be that person that doesn't care about what other people say, but I'm not and because of that I know at some point I'll lose her." There were tears that wanted to fall from her eyes but she's fighting it. She remembered that Santana is with Hanna right now, the girl who doesn't care of what other people say, and that scares the hell out of her.

"Quinn, the least you could do is trust her. I know, I don't know her that well, but she calls you every night, even before, although you don't answer her, except that time when we have exam the next day, because she doesn't want to disturb you, and isn't that a sign that no matter how many people or whoever they are, the last person she thinks about each day is you?" Somehow, even if it wasn't new information to her; she felt a bit better, actually hearing it again.

"She lied to me today though. She said she's going out with our friends on the mall, but when I called Rachel, you know, one of my friends, she said she's not with them, she's with Hanna." Quinn just felt like she needed to let it out.

"Like you said Quinn, you weren't there. You didn't know what really happened, if there was an emergency or anything. It's not like you caught her kissing someone else." Mercedes immediately answered wittily.

Quinn nodded in realization. _I shouldn't really have made this a big deal in the first place; Hanna is our friend. She's just a friend, and a best friend at that._ Quinn thought to herself.

The blonde stood up to reach for the girl in front of her for a hug. "Thank you, for being so smart. Now excuse me, I'm going to call my girl." She pulled away with a smile.

"Go for it." she smiled at Quinn then look at her watch, "and excuse me, while I grab some snacks with my boyfriend." She winked dramatically then trailed off.

* * *

**Quinn's POV:**

"Quinn?" I can't be more relieved that she finally answered the phone. Aside from the fact that hearing her voice calms me.

"Santana." I said in a low voice and shy tone.

"I'm sorry." Oddly enough, we both uttered at the same time. Based on the silence that filled the line, she's still upset.

So I continued the apologizing. "It was a very petty thing to fight over. I'm sorry for being shallow. It's the distance, and my insecurities, I'm sorry, San. I snapped. There's just-" I rambled.

"Shhh. It's okay now, Q. I'm sorry too. I didn't notice that you called me a couple of times hence you called Rachel instead. I hadn't noticed until I checked my phone again. I was really stupid and…" she sighed. "I love you." The way she said it; there was no need for any further apologizing. "No offense to Hanna, but she has nothing on you, Quinn; Not in my sight, not in my belief and not ever."

I laughed. She's being all kinds of sweet again that it made me feel guiltier yet touched. "I'm really sorry, Sweetie."

I heard a choke or close to that description from the other line. "Santana, are you okay?" I asked abruptly.

"Yeah. Yeah, Babe. Just, refrain from calling me that again next time." She sounded serious but I find it funny. "It's not funny, Q. You sounded like my mom."

I smiled because of two reasons, 1; I like it when I get to annoy her in a good way and 2; I expected a more dramatic reconciling and relieved that it turned out like this. "I'd settle for babe then."

"Yeah. Please do."

"I'm happy we're not fighting anymore. I don't like the feeling even just one bit." I sighed.

"I can't promise you we're not going to fight ever again, because there's a great possibility that we might, judging on how stubborn we both are. But we'll make it through. Because I love you." Santana isn't really making it easy for me to be away from her, everything that comes from her mouth makes me want to fly to her and kiss her.

"And don't forget that I'm in love with you." I added.

I can judge that she's smiling too. "Yeah, we'll make it through because we're in love with each other. And also because I only want you. You're my type."

"That's really comforting, San. Good to know you like _blondes_." I teased.

She chuckled. "I didn't say girls like you are my type, Silly. I said _you _are my type. Apparently, my only type ever since I met you."

"I don't know. You're such a chic magnet; I can't help but be worried." I said to try her.

"Sometimes, I just stand here and wonder if you'll ever understand just how much of me belong to you."

* * *

**A/N (Again):** Criticisms would be accepted as long as it's said nicely, I need it sometimes. Please comment about what you think of this chapter and the story over-all. Thanks!


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

* * *

**Santana's POV:**

... A month had passed…

Things were pretty much the same ; Spencer is still single, Rachel's still a diva, Sam is still a dork, Aria and Em has a thing going on,and...okay, so maybe it weren't the same after all, anyway, Hanna feels lonely, while Quinn and I, well, I am always in love with Quinn Fabray, nothing's ever gonna change that.

"Mercedes? I thought you're..." I heard Quinn's voice as she opens her room's door. Shock was evident in her eyes as when she saw me.

"Surprise?" I said shrugging my shoulders.

"Santana." she said breathlessly, her eyes shining as ever.

"Don't I get a hug or something?" I said and pout.

She just smiled, she pinched me in the cheeks. "Wow, I...you're really here." she said as she was shaking her head in disbelief.

She's too cute, I can't help but chuckle. "You know, usually, when people think they're dreaming, they pinch themselves and not the person they're with." I said then I hold her hands that's still on my cheeks.

Without further a due, she pulled me inside her dorm room and closed the door. Then hugged me after. How i missed her. Because she's been busy with her studies, she wasn't able to come home for a month.

"I missed you." was all I could say while I'm wrapped with her arms.

"I love you." she said as she tightened the hug.

"'I missed you too' would've been fitting but your answer is good too." I was the one too pull away. "So, what have you been up to?"

She motioned me to sit at their couch as she sat too. "Well, I've been making this research...and then there's this math problems that I have to solve that's due on Monday. And-"

"I guess I have a bad timing, huh?" I frowned. I don't want to be her distraction from studies.

She looked at me like she didn't know what to say because I'm most probably right. "Well, aren't you going to help me with math problems?" she smiled happy that she thought of something to reply to me.

I scoffed. "Yeah, cause that's totally what I came here for." I said that to tease her but she seemed to take it seriously based on the pout that she's making. "I'm just messing with you. I came here to be with you, and we're together now, so even if it meant I have to squeeze my brain to solve those math problems I'd do it."

Okay, so that statement totally paid off because she's smiling her biggest smile and that totally made my day, beside the 'i love you' that she said a while ago.

"You're the best girlfriend ever." She sat on my lap and put her arms around my neck. And then the next thing I know is that my eyes are closed and we're nose to nose. And if my heart was beating fast whenever I'm with Quinn, my heart is totally pounding wildly now.

But I totally weren't thinking that she's going to kiss me or anything. So I wasn't totally disappointed when she didn't.

She cleared her throat as a cue that I should open my eyes. "I, um...you must be thirsty, I'll just get us something to drink."

* * *

**Emily's POV:**

"Are you worried about what other people might think?" Aria asked me.

"Well, aren't you?" Is all I could answer. Because answering her question leads into a realization that I'm not even sure I'd like.

Then her face contorted a little. "I'm scared of what they can do to us. I'm afraid of what _you_ think."

Her tone was determined, with hope that we were on the same page. I wanted to answer her, but I wasn't sure what to say.

She sighed in defeat. "Forget it. I'm just going to leave now." She stands up, grabbed her pouch and walked out.

I didn't know if I should follow her. What change will it make if I did? It wouldn't make my fears go away, it wouldn't make me love Hanna any less. But I followed her anyway, because I didn't want her to think that I didn't care, because I do.

"Aria! Wait up." I said after being on a trance. I ran because she was halfway out my door and she walked faster to reach our front door. Good thing we were alone in the house, I wouldn't have to explain why I'm running and shouting at the house. "Aria Montgomery!"

She finally turned around to face me, with her arms crossed of course. And a pout which is a total mood killer because that kind of make me smile.

"What?" she asked seriously.

I took a deep breath first. "Look, we were okay this past few weeks so why is it a big deal to you, changing whatever is this that we have?"

"That's the problem, Emily. You don't know what _this _is. And I don't know either. I'm not good with labels but whatever this is, it has to mean something."

"And it does. It means something: I love you." I answered with at most sincerity. "I'm asking you to just let it be. What harm could it cost us?"

"It means that _I_ can lose you, whenever, Emily." She stated like it was the most obvious thing on Earth. "One day, when you realize that you can't live with _her_, and that you want to be with each other, you can just pretend that we didn't have anything special. Just like that, because that's where you're good at. You're so great at pretending that you don't care that sometimes, I believe it too." she said in frustration. "I always try to read between the lines but sometimes I don't like what I was reading into it."

"Well, congratulations, because that will never happen. She'll never love me in that way." I said bitterly after an incredulous laugh.

I noticed her shoulders fell. "I take it back. Maybe we did, never had anything special." She said indifferently. She tried to leave but I stopped her.

"I didn't mean it like that. You're not a rebound, okay?" I'm the worst person ever. This is why I don't want to commit or promise her anything, because it would complicate everything more; especially when I'm not sure if I could keep it.

"Well you sure make me feel like one." She said briefly, and coldly. But she didn't seem cold to me, she seemed really vulnerable, and it broke my heart to pieces.

"I'm sorry. If I'm making it hard on you." I really feel guilty. Somehow I already know that she probably feel that way but it's still different hearing her say it. I took steps closer to her so I could hold her hand, hoping that it would somehow make her feel better.

She just shook her head in defeat. "I hate it when I don't know where I stand, Em. So if you couldn't tell me, then maybe I'm supposed to start walking."

And with that she left. Again. And this time I let her. Because I didn't know what else to say. I didn't know where we stand either. I honestly don't know what to even think.

* * *

**Quinn's POV:**

Santana and I were currently having a conversation about some random stuff when I heard a knock on the door. "I'm just going to get that."

I reached for the door and swing it open. Today sure is full of surprises. Last time I checked, it wasn't my birthday. "Mom?"

"Hi Quinnie." Then she wrapped me in a hug.

"Uhm. What are you doing here?" I asked politely.

She pulled away to face me. "Well, your father was on a business trip, so I thought it'd be a good idea to visit my daughter."

I smiled. "Wow. You're…"

She didn't let me finish. "Aren't you going to let me in?"

"Oh yeah. Sorry Mom. I'm just surprised." Very. "Come in."

I lead her inside. I didn't think she would get suspicious with Santana. She's my friend after all. Just a friend in my mother's eyes.

As soon as Santana saw my mom she stood up. "Mrs. Fabray." She greeted nicely.

"Santana. You're here." My mom said in a surprised but calm kind of way.

San just chuckled. "I missed your daughter that much." She said genuinely.

"That's really sweet of you, dear." My mom replied.

"Mom, take a seat." I butt in.

All of us sat on the sofa. Of course I was in between. Well, this is going to be awkward. Sure, my mom and Santana are used to have a conversation, but this is different. They never really talked for more than 10 minutes. Plus the fact that this day was supposed to be my day with Santana. I love my mom, I do, but I've been waiting for Santana to show at my doorstep to surprise me for like, forever.

* * *

**Spencer's POV:**

"Someone's in a bad mood." I stated after minutes of watching Aria play with her food and pout.

She just sighed.

"Mind telling me what's wrong?" I'm sure she was expecting that question. She should because she called me to meet up at McDonalds. She hates it here, I mean, she pretends to hate it here.

"I'm just bored to death." She said plainly.

"You do know you're playing with your fries, right? Your _fries_." It's her favorite, her comfort food. "Just tell me what's bothering you, that not even your comfort food can comfort you."

She licked her lips before she speak. "Remember the time when I told you about my first kiss?"

This is interesting. "Yeah." I leaned on the table so I could hear her better.

"Well, the person in question; we've been seeing each other lately. At first I was really happy, but later on, even when we're together, I couldn't really be with the person in question, because there are unsaid words between us."

"And…you couldn't tell him that?" I simply asked.

"That's the thing. I told her." She said emotionally. Wait…did I heard her right?

"You told her?"

"Yeah. I told her." So I did hear her right. And she realized it too based on the unreadable expression in her face. And now, I was speechless.

The feeling was mutual: awkward. Not really, just…I think we were both not ready for that moment.

And now she's biting her lip and I was playing with my fingers, and there's that silence in the air.

Until she cleared her throat, then took a deep breath, then opened her mouth, then closed it again, then sighed, then looked at me, then spoke. "Genius hermit."

Now, what did she say? "Genius hermit?"

"In our last conversation here. You referred to her as genius hermit." Oh. Her. Now, I surely don't know what to feel.

I mean, it isn't…right. But I know Santana, and I'm friends with her, and her liking girls; it was okay. And at times I'm actually, genuinely happy for her when she gets the girl that she wants.

"Ugh. I wasn't supposed to tell you that yet." Aria snapped me out of my trance.

It was my turn to clear my throat and take a deep breath, and open my mouth although I still don't know what to say. So I closed it again.

She shook her head. "You don't have to say anything."

* * *

**Hanna's POV:**

We were in the park, Caleb and I, for one, because I really don't feel comfortable hanging in his house, alone with him. We've had a few conversations just like what we usually do on weekends, the time before all the conflicts happened.

"Hanna, have you thought about it? About us?" he decided to go to that topic after half an hour of talking about how Stefan and Caroline is better off together because they're great friends, and stuff like that. And half an hour of just talking.

"I don't want you to be my human band-aid, Caleb." I told him truthfully.

He just laughed it off. "And why would I be your human band-aid, Hanna?"

"Because." When he saw my expression, his facial expression changed too, like he knew a storm would hit him. "I don't know if, I could give you my love completely." I wasn't so sure how to put it, to make it least painful.

"But I'm not asking you for a hundred percent, Han." He said like he's bargaining.

I smiled at him sadly and took a hold of his hand. "It's just that I'm really confused, Caleb. I want to be with you, I think that would really be nice. But not like this. Not when I'm not even sure if I'm in love with only you."

She shook his head in denial. "So you're saying that there's someone else?" That was the third time I saw fear in his eyes. The first time was when he asked me if he could court me. The second was when I fell on the stairs.

I didn't say anything.

"How? When?" He asked frantically. "Who is he?" I flinched at the pronoun that he used. Suddenly my worry doubled.

"A great friend of mine." Was the best way I could put it.

"Ironic, isn't it? Well, I take back the Stefan and Caroline thing." He said trying to light up the conversation a bit. He chuckled but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this to you. I know you've been really waiting." I apologized. I hate myself right now. Caleb's really a good guy, he does not deserve this.

"And I'll keep on waiting." He said persistently. And although sadness was still visible in his eyes, there was hope there. And I'm not so sure if I should take that positively.

"Caleb-"

He placed his right index finger on my lips to stop me from talking. "Waiting for you is better than doing nothing at all with you, Hanna. So I'm going to wait, until you tell me that you're sure that I'm not the right one for you."

I sighed. It was not a disappointed sigh. Just a speechless sigh.

"Unless…You're just trying to shoo me away." He added.

I nudged his arm. "Of course not." Then I gave him a warm smile.

When he tightened his grip on my hand, I realized that I was still holding his hand. "I love you. Seriously, I do." He told me sincerely. "And whoever he is, I'm sure, he can't love you like I do."

"I love you too." I answered. And I'm not even lying when I said that. Because I love him. I know I love him more than a friend, but I'm not so sure anymore if I love him most.

* * *

**Rachel's POV:**

Contrary to some of my friends' belief, I'm aware, very much aware that Santana is hopelessly in love with Quinn. And still hopelessly in love with Quinn. It's like the most obvious thing ever. I think Emily told Santana that, but Santana kept on denying it. Like denying it would make it any less true.

I know I can't completely blame her, because of my and Spencer's open disapproval for those kind of relationships, but we are her friends, we have to know, and she should've told us, nonetheless.

Anyway, I love my friend Santana, so when I saw her very first girlfriend walks past me; I grabbed the chance to talk to her.

"Brittany!" I called her name out loud not minding that I was in a public place. "Britt!" when she looked at me, I waved my hand enthusiastically.

She had a big grin on her face when she saw me. And walked towards me. "Rachel!" then she wrapped me in a hug; a tight one.

"You're in town. Since when?" I asked immediately, without beating around any bushes.

"I arrived since Saturday. How are you?" she asked bubbly.

"With 'you', you mean Santana? She's not doing very well." I answered, although I'm quite aware that she means all of us, I had to let her know how her ex-girlfriend is doing.

Alas. She still cares for Santana, judging by the way her face fell. "Why?"

"How would you like to talk about all of it in an ice cream parlor?" I suggested.

She smiled. "I'd love that."

So after I told her the story…

"Wow. That's pretty messed up." She stated.

"Yeah. It is." I agreed.

"Wait!" she exclaimed, and I looked at her in confusion because I wasn't going anywhere. "It's her birthday today, isn't it? April 15."

My smile grew bigger because she remembered. "That's very much indeed correct, Brittany."

"I almost forgot what day it is." She said rather disappointed but relieved.

"Well, you don't have any classes so that's understandable." I stated.

She smiled. "Uhm. Rach? Can I…excuse myself?"

"What? Why?" I need her to make Santana happier on her birthday. Although, I really don't like Santana being in a relationship with girls, I'd rather see her date Brittany again than see her devastatingly sad.

I would've tried setting her up with boys but the last time I did that, she went all Lima Heights on me.

She suddenly looked shy. "I…knitted a scarf for Santana. As a gift. And I was planning to give it to her."

"Oh." My smile grew bigger. "So you're going home and give the scarf to her?"

"That's the plan. Could you…give it to her on my behalf?"

"What? No, give it to her yourself, Britt. I'm sure she'd be happy to see you." I assured her.

"I don't know, Rach. I broke her heart." She said sadly.

I suddenly felt like this was a reckless act, I just did. But, it's obvious that Brittany still loves Santana, and Quinn is too straight to love Santana back. This is for the best right?

"You broke each other's heart, Brittany. Maybe it's your job to mend each other's hearts as well." I replied sincerely.

* * *

**Sam's POV:**

"You did what?" I asked Rachel after I heard her most ridiculous story.

"It's my gift for our friend, Sam. Aren't you rooting for Brittany when we were still in high school?" she can be really clueless at times.

"That was high school, Rach. We grew up. You might be an exemption for that, but things are different now. Santana has moved on. You shouldn't have done that." I said with depression.

"I was doing her a favor." She answered stubbornly, not getting my point.

"You shouldn't stick your nose in their business. It was a year and a half ago. They both decided to end it."

"It's not like I commanded Brittany to make a move again." She reasoned.

"I know, but you shouldn't have told her about Quinn. That's not our place to tell. Of course she would think that she has to make Santana feel better. She always does." I said.

"Yes. Because she loves Santana." Rachel being Rachel annoys me, once again.

"Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you have to be with that person. Sometimes you just have to let them go and live their life…without you, if it's for the better." I quoted that quote that a friend of mine told me.

She scoffed. "Is that why you let her go?" she asked with pure curiosity. I do not like where this is going.

"I don't know why on earth you told _me_ your latest encounter with Brittany, but all I'm going to say is; Again, you made the wrong decision." I said nonchalantly.

Since she was finished with her animated story, she then decided to take a seat beside me, and took my hand with both her hands. Then I shot her a confused look.

"Emma was a great girl, Sam. And you two, did look good together. If you still love her you should try to get her back." Rachel said quietly, unfortunately and fortunately, in her gentlest voice ever.

"You know that's not appropriate. Do you know why I am still single, right now?" That wasn't really a question _question_. It was because Emma didn't love me. That's why we were never exclusive. So how am I supposed to _take her back_, if she was never even mine in the first place?

Rachel seemed to know why, because she fell silent…for a while. "I'm going to get you a girl." She said decisively.

"You're kidding, right? You can't even get yourself a decent boyfriend." I appreciate the concern, but not the idea.

"What's that, Sam? I didn't quite understand you. Probably 'cause I don't speak douche." Rachel can be snarky sometimes, ironically, I like her that way.

* * *

**Santana's POV:**

Well, this is a great day. I'm with my girlfriend and her mom. And the best part is; when I tried to hold my girlfriend's hand, she immediately pulled it away the moment my hand touched hers, like she was burnt or something. That didn't hurt at all. Nope.

After hours of what seemed like forever, Mrs. Fabray decided to go home after she got a call from someone. "Bye, Quinnie." She kissed _Quinnie _on the forehead. "Santana, aren't you going home yet? I'll give you a ride." She offered.

"Thanks, Mrs. Fabray. But I'll just stay a bit longer. Make the best out of this trip." I declined her offer kindly. And Quinn gave me a big grin.

"Well, okay then. Enjoy, girls. I'll be leaving now."

"Have a safe trip, Mrs. Fabray." "Have a safe trip, Mom" Quinn and I said in chorus. By that she drove off.

We headed to Quinn's dorm room. Then I stopped my tracks in front of their doorstep.

"San. Aren't you coming in?" she asked after she realized I didn't follow her.

"I just walked you here. I'm going home." I said plainly.

She stepped out again. "San…I'm sorry. This was supposed to be our day."

"It could've been." I said coldly.

She shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "Are you mad?" she sounded like I have no right to be. "I'm sorry, San. I didn't know my mother will show up here, just as much as I didn't know you'd come here."

"Sorry if I didn't give you the memo, princess." I said with an incredulous laugh.

"That is seriously beside the point." She stated.

"You want to know what's the point? The point is" I started, "I'm your girlfriend." And I whispered that part. "But you couldn't even hold my hand in front of everyone else, in front of your mom as a friend. That's my point."

She sighed. "Santana we talked about this."

"No we didn't. We talked about keeping this relationship a secret, but we never agreed on you treating me like a stranger. Your mom was even friendlier than you are." I pointed out.

She pursed her lips trying to keep herself calm. "Can we at least go inside, for a moment?"

"Friends fight." I said stubbornly.

She took a deep breath. "Seriously?"

"I'm going home." I insisted. And walked away. Of course she didn't follow me. Who am I kidding?

* * *

I felt my phone vibrate when I was already on my trip home. It's Quinn. I could be really hardheaded and not answer, but its Quinn…

"_San._" Was all she said, it sounded pleading; I knew she meant she's sorry, and at the same time she's glad I answered the phone.

"I'm sorry." I breathed.

"_I never wanted to keep you a secret, San. I know our relationship is complicated but don't give up on me, please. I love you. Don't be mad at me._" She sounded like she's going to cry. And suddenly I felt guilty.

"Q. I'm not mad at you. I just…" it's my birthday today, and you didn't even greet me. "I just—I have to be by myself for a while. I'll just call you when I get home."

"_I love you._" She whispered on the phone.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER** **11**

* * *

**Santana's POV:**

"Brittany." I uttered in surprise. I didn't expect to see her here.

"I thought you're never going home." she said in relief. That smile. I missed it. I'm not sure what I was supposed to say, good thing she knew what to do' she hugged me. "I missed you, San." she then pulled away, "Happy birthday."

That was the first personal greeting I received today and it made me feel giddy...and sad at the same time because it would've been so much better hearing that from Quinn. "Thank you, Brittany." then I smiled at her genuinely.

"Here." she handed me a rainbow colored scarf. Of course it's going to be rainbow. "I don't like it when you're cold, so...it'll keep you warm, even when you're alone." Brittany. The classic Brittany.

I couldn't help but smile at her. Then I hugged her. "Thank you, Britt-Britt. Really."

"There's my nickname. I missed it." she said pulling away from the hug.

"I missed hearing that too." my mom interrupted coming from the kitchen. "Brittany, are you sure you don't want to have dinner with us?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine, thanks for the offer though." then she smiled politely at my mom.

"Are you going home? I can walk you. I didn't know you were here." I said. She lives next door so I would know if she arrived, right? Did she came home for my birthday? As if; I laughed at myself. What am I thinking?

"It's better outside, don't you think?" I knew she wanted to talk outside so we did. "I was here since Saturday. I...didn't know what to say to you so, I've been trying to be incognito."

"Well, you're getting better at hiding." I said in a joking manner. And we both chuckled. "Any specific reason why you return home?"

"You?" she said briefly. Then she looked at me straight in the eyes.

"You're kidding, right?" I sounded hopeful. I mean I asked her because I wanted that to be a joke because I wouldn't know how to respond if she was serious, but then, I also wanted to hear that it's because of me it would be nice to know that some people continue to love you, even when you're apart.

So when she chuckled. I was relieved and disappointed. "I'm just messing with you." I laughed, and it was an awkward laugh or forced rather. "You know my Dad's sick, right?"

"Yeah." Right. I almost forgot that part. "His going to get through this."

"I know. He's awesome like that." She said confidently. Our eyes met, and we both smiled at each other. My eyes met her blue eyes, the ones that I missed so much. But the moment I close my eyes all I see is hazel eyes.

"Why aren't we in touch for a year, again?" I asked her bluntly.

She smiled at me. "I don't know, Santana. We were both holding back each other. And I know, if I kept in touch, I won't be able to let go."

I just huffed. "Why can't we go back to just being friends, Britt?" Seriously. We had a great friendship. I never understand what happened with that.

She laughed, and it was not similar to her usual laugh, it was…sad. "Maybe because we were never _just _friends, San. From the beginning, there was something there; even though it took long for us to realize that."

And she was right. Maybe that was the reason. And it made me even sadder. But she's still my best friend, nonetheless. "I love you, Britt." Maybe we can't go back to being just friends, but we can start over and be just friends.

"Yeah. Let's try to be friends. Like real platonic best friends." She was always the one better with words. "I love you too, San." We had one last hug and she decided to go home.

* * *

When I entered the room there was this big package; which has no name tag whatsoever. "Mom!" I called out.

My mother entered my room. "How long was this box in here?"

"It arrived this morning. It's from Quinn. Didn't she tell you?" From Quinn? She remembered. Oh my-she remembers. She remembered and I was pissed about her for not remembering. I'm such an ass. I even snapped at her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked frustrated. Quinn must feel really bad.

"You told me you were going to her. So I assumed that you'd know." My mom reasoned.

I sighed. Then I opened the box immediately after my mom left me; it was stuffed animal; a frog to be specific. I'm not really into stuffed animals but this is from Quinn, so I hugged it; tight. 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you…' I heard Quinn's singing voice. She's singing. For me. 'I'm sorry I'm not going to be with you on your special day. I'm sorry for myself, because I'm dying to see you. I love you. Santana Lopez. You're my nothing, because from what I heard, they last forever.'

If I wasn't crying the moment I heard her voice, I surely am now. That was…peachy. Shit. If only I could go back to Yale. I know I couldn't just do that so I did the closest thing; call her.

"San." I hated the immediate feeling that the sound brought me; she sounded like she's been crying.

"Q." I felt guilt, and it hit me bad.

"Are you home now?" she asked. And I nodded as if she could see me, and she probably did, "Thank God, you're home safe." I know she was relieved but I also knew that wasn't what she actually wants to say.

"I'm sorry I made you cry." I said sincerely.

She didn't even bother denying. "I'm sorry I ruined your day."

I shook my head. "Q. Stop. You didn't. You make my day. Everyday. I'm sorry for being mad at you."

"You have the right to be, S. I just-" I shushed her.

"Maybe I was a little pissed because I couldn't openly show my love for you too other people, but I snapped at you because…" my voice lowered, "I thought you forgot my birthday."

"You what? I—didn't you receive the package?" she asked worriedly.

"I did. I-I didn't know you delivered me the package until I came home. I'm sorry." I felt really guilty, I really am.

She sighed. But it wasn't a sigh-sigh. It was a relieved sigh. And the thought that she was more relieved than mad (because I was mad at her for nothing) made me smile. "I didn't expect you to come here. I mean, I was supposed to visit you. Not that I'm really going to-but it didn't come to my mind that you would effort that much on your birthday because it is _your_ birthday-"

"Q. Quinn!" I exclaimed to stop her from rambling although she's totally cute when she does that.

"Sorry."

"Thank you…for the frog. And thank you, for loving me. Thank you for being brave to love me." I said in my sincerest tone.

"Trust me. It's more of a selfish act." She said in a husky voice. There was silence. But it wasn't awkward. We were just both happy to hear each other's breathing.

I chuckled. "So I'm your nothing, huh?" she contemplated for a while then laughed.

"That. Yeah. People always say nothing lasts forever. So I figured…"

"Dork."

"Isn't that your type?"

"I'd say that's accurate." And I stayed all night with the smile on my face. Best. Birthday. Ever. My day didn't ended with an 'I love you' from Quinn. Instead it ended with a nothing; a start of forever.

* * *

**Spencer's POV:**

It's important to know what you're feeling…

I heard that from somewhere, and I know that's true: It is important to know what you feel, because the only way to heal it is to feel it.

But the thing is; that's hard to for me to do that. For someone like me who's been told to 'Fake it till you make it' or 'Smile to the world and the world will smile back at you.', of course I would think that if I ignore these feelings, it might just vanish.

I just found out that Aria is in love with our friend. Our girl friend. And it should be okay to me, because I was okay with Santana. But it isn't…

How come they make it seem so easy to love that way? Because when I felt it; it sure is not easy. When I felt that same feeling; I refused to feel it. And Aria and Santana made it seemed like it was so easy to feel that way and suddenly I was lost. And it wasn't fair.

I did my best to neglect those kinds of feelings. I did my best to not acknowledge that feeling, I struggled to become adept denying and repressing how I feel.

"_But why?" I thought to myself not realizing I actually said it._

_She furrowed her brows. "Sorry, what?"_

"_Why her? Why would you fall for her?" I repeated my question clearer._

_She shrugged._

"_Are you asking me? Or are you questioning me?" she simply responded._

_It was my turn to furrow my brows, although I totally knew what she meant. "Both, I guess." I shrugged. It was not the time to beat around bushes._

"_I don't know." She said with a smile on her face. "I honestly don't know." Then her smile grew bigger. She didn't know why she loved somebody and she was totally okay with it; in fact, she is happy. And I didn't quite understand why. It was hard enough for me to try to understand why I have to have those kinds of feelings, while she's sitting there, and doesn't mind at all._

"_You don't know?" I just felt like repeating her answer._

"_I think the better question is: why did I pursue it. Why didn't I fight it? I'm much capable of answering that question, Spence." Aria said._

"_Why didn't you fight it?" so I asked her, because that might be a better question. The opposite of the question I've been asking myself._

"_Because I've never felt a feeling this strong. I kept asking myself why I have these feelings, then one day I woke up and I realized that it doesn't matter. When you feel something this strong you don't just stand there and wait for the answers to come to you; you have to act on it. So I did." And at that moment I felt like she was talking straight to me. Like those words was for me. And it made me quiver; because she was right._

_She was so caught up by what she's saying that she didn't notice that I was so affected by her words. "It didn't matter anymore if this is real love, all that mattered was the fleeting feeling I feel when I see her and that continuous thumping beating of my heart when I'm with her." If I was in my normal state I would've teased her on how pathetic she sounded when she breathed dreamingly._

_I cleared my throat. I felt the need of getting out there because she's provoking these feelings to come out, and I wouldn't appreciate it that much. "How long have you been practicing that speech?" I settled for that question._

"_Ever since I watched 'The Art of Getting By'. Decent movie." She said casually. I was so close on admiring her for that speech. "I didn't get that from that movie by the way. I was just inspired by it." Fair enough._

_I am okay with her liking girls. I can deal with that. But liking Emily? Really? "When you said you're seeing each other lately, do you mean that as a-"_

"_In a more intimate meaning." She confirmed. That should be okay. Right? It's obvious that Santana likes Quinn in that way and I didn't seem to have any problem with it. So it should be okay that Aria loves Emily in that way, right? I should be okay with it._

"_I just—I think I need some air. That was too much information for one day." Who am I kidding? Of course I wasn't okay with it. We're talking about Emily._

"_So I guess you're not okay with all of these, huh?" she asked me seriously. I wanted to answer 'Nope. I honestly am not.' But that would've been harsh and she might get the wrong idea._

"_Trust me. I don't mind you dating a girl." Just not Emily. At least not now. It would be painful for me._

* * *

**Emily's POV:**

So since Santana wasn't here yesterday, we decided to celebrate her birthday today, which means, I'd have to face Hanna and Aria at the same time. And I'm worried because I can't ruin this day for Santana.

I knocked on the door. Santana opened it for me. "Hey" she said as she opened the door for me, I kissed her in the cheek before I came inside.

"Happy birthday, Sis." I greeted her as I handed my gift.

"Thanks, _Sis_." She smirked. I know she's not used with those kinds of names of endearments. But she is my sister from other parents. "Do I get to open it now?"

"Well, it is yours now. But I suggest you open it later on." I replied.

She raised her eyebrow, intrigued with what I just gave her. Anyways, we walked towards the couch where Brittany, Aria, Spencer and Sam sat. We aren't really one for crowded parties, I mean we do party but not when it comes to birthdays. We prefer intimate celebrations at said occasions.

"Didn't expect you to be early, Fields." I heard a familiar voice coming from the kitchen. She walked towards us. She winked at me when I faced her.

"Kitty. Didn't expect you here." I said bemused; when I said 'intimate celebrations' I meant with our close friends, not past girlfriends, so I didn't expect her here, really. Not that I mind though. Kitty might be a bitch but she's been really nice to Santana.

"Don't worry, Em. I won't bite. Besides I came here for Santana, not you…" she shrugged and smiled sweetly and sat beside Brittany.

"Wouldn't be surprised if you came here for me though" I joked. It's not a secret anymore right? Santana has definitely a thing for blonde girls. Good thing she didn't had a thing on Hanna though. I just sat on the chair opposite to Kitty.

"Ha-ha. You wish." She laughed sarcastically, and rolled her eyes.

"You still fight like a couple." Sam interjected and the rest of them laughed.

"I totally knew Emily was the reason for our break-up." Santana remarked.

Kitty slapped Santana's arm lightly. "You broke up with me, bitch." Kitty mumbled.

That made us chuckle. "I was just kidding. Does that reaction mean you still has a thing for me?" Santana asked in a teasing tone.

"Is this your plan? I knew I was invited here for a reason." Kitty said dramatically. "I just didn't thought this would be your kind of entertainment; messing with me."

"Hey. I invited you because I missed you." Santana said in a joking manner but we know she meant it.

We talked about random things especially about thing back in high school while we were waiting for our other friends to come.

"By the way, where are your parents, San? I asked curiously.

"They went out of town for a week. Dad has this conference out of town, and wanted us to come, but I decided not to because I'd just miss you there anyways." She explained.

I just nodded in response.

There was finally a knock on the door, which might be Hanna or Rachel, or both. "I'd get it, San." I heard Brittany presented.

After a while Brittany was back with another beautiful blonde beside her. Or may I say more beautiful blonde for my taste; Hanna. I think no one in the world could look as good as her with a V-neck Burnout Top and a floral print shorts on. And it hurts how she's not with me tonight. At least she's not with Caleb.

Finn, Puck and Rachel and Kurt came with the karaoke, of course, who else would bring it.

The party went on pretty well. The good thing about having a party/sleepover like this is that everybody knows everyone and everyone talks to everyone. Well, except, me and Hanna, and me and Aria.

Finn and Rachel are currently having a duet. Sam and Aria are having another petty argument like grade school-ers. Santana, Kitty and Puck are drinking too much for my liking, while having a chat with Brittany and Hanna and Kurt who's kind of busy choosing his song from the songbook. And Spencer is talking with me although she lost me at her first word actually.

"Spence." I, myself is a bit drunk. Not really, I'm in the influence of an alcohol but I'm not drunk.

"Yeah?" her head shoot at my direction.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch what you were saying just now." I said.

She chuckled. "I stopped talking for some time now, Ms. Fields. You're zone out for minutes now."

Oops. I chuckled too. "Sorry, Babe." Like I said, I'm not drunk, so I'm sure Spence tensed with what I said. And she's wearing her 'unknown expression' again. She always have that expression every now and then, and I really don't know why. "Did I say something wrong?"

Her head snapped at my direction. "What?" Her face was Spencer like again. I just shrugged. Maybe I am just imagining things. "You're drunk, aren't you?"

"No…I don't get drunk, Spence." I said defensively.

"You better not be." She said with authority.

"Hey, if you keep drink I'm sure you're gonna get drunk first before I do." I stated. I raised my eyebrows.

"We'll see." She said and gulped the liquor that she grabbed from my hand. Now _that_ is un-Spencer like.

"You do know you're like, challenging me, right?" I said in an amused tone. She nodded. Oh it's on, Babe." I recently had the habit on calling everyone my age that.

* * *

**Santana's POV:**

Rachel and Finn's song is finally over and it's now Kurt and Sam who's singing.

"Santana." Aria whispered in my ear and handed me her phone. Oh shit. It's Quinn. I stood up and went outside.

"Babe." I started. She's probably been calling my phone which unfortunately, I forgot upstairs. I bit my lip, nervously waiting for her response.

"_You shouldn't have told me that you'd call at exactly 7pm, San._" She sounded tired and sad. I'm the worst girlfriend ever.

"I'm really sorry, Babe. I was caught up with the party-"

"_That you forgot me._" She said; it wasn't a question. She didn't sound mad, which made me feel even worse. She was just genuinely sad.

"Q…You know that's not-" true. She cut me off again.

"_Sorry._" She's playing the 'kill her with kindness' technique. And it's working.

"Quinn, don't be like that, please. I thought about calling you…" I tried to reason.

"_But you didn't. Because?_" She waited for my response.

"I'm drunk." I said shyly. I heard her sigh.

"_I'd rather talk with you drunk than not talk to you at all._" She stated matter-of-factly that made my heart melt.

"I'm really sorry, Q. I know you don't like it when I drink…" I really feel guilty. Doesn't alcohol supposed to take away disturbing feelings?

"_I don't like it when you break your promises too._" Quinn said indifferently.

"I'm really sorry. I wanted to get drunk so I wouldn't miss you too much." I breathed deeply. "I wish you were here, Q."

"_What?_" she whispered in a yelling kind of way. "_So you're telling me I'm the reason you're drunk?_"

"I don't think I'm drunk anymore, Q. And it has something to do with you. I'd throw up all the liquor that I've taken if it meant I'd be able to see you." I said sweetly.

She scoffed. "_Good thing I'm here then, huh? You wouldn't have to do that._" So maybe I'm drunk after all. I think I heard her say she's… "Surprise?" she said in the same manner I did when I visited her, as she appeared from the gate, and then she stretched her arms open.

I'm sure my eye widened and I literally dropped Aria's phone. I immediately walked towards her, but unfortunately, I tripped; epic fail. She runs towards me to help me up. "Are you okay?" if she didn't sound so worried I would've rolled my eyes at her. Why would I be okay? I tripped when it almost felt like I'm inside a sappy romantic movie ending.

I smirked at her. "I'm definitely okay now." I remembered, she here; why wouldn't I be okay? I was about to give her a peck on the lips but she placed my hands on my lips.

"You really are drunk." She stated. I forgot that she's not ready for first base. You see, my girlfriend is conservative. She just kissed me on my left cheek instead. Held my hand and walked inside.

* * *

**Quinn's POV:**

I know Santana had girlfriends before, and lots of flings. And I'm not stupid to not know that she had kissed them. And that's probably a casual thing for her, which worries me at times because I can't give her that satisfaction, at least not now.

When we entered the room I saw Brittany immediately. Of course by that time I let go of Santana's hands. We never actually met, but Santana has a picture of her in her wallet, always. But that was before she started subtly hitting on me, at least that's what I'm aware of.

If looks could kill, well, Brittany might not kill me because she looks at me differently. It was a gentle one; like she's happy for me, and for Santana. I don't know if that should make me happy, because I suddenly felt insecure. Isn't she threatened? Or she just has actually moved on? Then I remembered that Santana and I was still a secret so she probably still doesn't know about us.

"You might want to bring me back my phone, San." I heard Aria say.

"What phone?" Santana tried to remember. 'Oh the one I dropped earlier." Aria looked at her unbelievably. "It's safe outside." Santana said casually. Aria glared at her and so did I. "Don't worry; I'll get it for you."

"So you weren't kidding?" Aria said bemused. "You're really…" she pointed at San. "Urgh." She said in frustration.

Our friends and Santana's friends greeted me, they seem very welcoming, even Brittany. "Hi. You must be Quinn." She reached her hand out. "I'm Brittany."

I took her hand. "Nice to finally meet you." I said genuinely. So this is how being around her feels like. It might be just my insecurities, but I feel uneasy.

"Uhm, Quinn, this is Kitty." Santana introduced the shorter blonde. "My _ex_-girlfriend." She continued. Oh. We shook hands.

"Ha-ha-ha, Lopez. Nice of you to emphasize the 'ex'part." She rolled her eyes. She seemed pretty intoxicated. She didn't let go of my hand just yet. "I see you're blonde. You better run before she hits on you." She remarked in a joking manner.

We chuckled. "It might be too late for that." I joked but Santana and I know that's actually true.

Kitty arched her brow on Santana then looked at me. "You didn't fall for her did you?"

"I actu-" I was about to answer but Santana interjected.

"She's the YALE girl who broke my heart into pieces." Santana said dramatically. I know it was part of the past but knowing that she talked to other people how much she's in pain before; it wasn't exactly a good feeling.

Kitty's mouth basically formed an O-shape. "YALE girl finally had a face. And it's a beautiful face by the way."

"Thanks." I smiled at her compliment.

It's a relief that Santana had nice girlfriends in the past.

Santana cleared her throat. "Quinn, before these people tell you embarrassing stories about me, why don't you sit beside Rachel, Sam, Kurt and Finn right there? I'll just get more food and a drink for you."

"Wait up, Lopez. Why don't you let her sit beside us so we can know more about the girl who friend-zoned Santana freaking Lopez? Right, Britt?" Puck protested. Brittany just smiled at him.

"Because you might hit on her 'cause you're drunk and if that happens I might break your face and I don't want that because you're my friend." Santana answered smugly.

"Fair enough." He shrugged. Santana then walked me to where Rachel and the rest are sitting. She left me there to get more food, and drinks.

"So, Quinn, are you staying for the night?" Rachel started a conversation with me.

I shook my head sadly. "I have some issues to deal with, with my family."

My friends suddenly looked concerned. "What issues?" Rachel immediately asked.

I just smiled, "Nothing big. It's a surprise."

Thankfully Rachel dropped the topic.

The party went pretty well, well, for Santana maybe. She didn't spend much time with me, she stayed at the table with Puck, Brittany, Kitty and Hanna. I know I shouldn't be mad because it is her party and she has guests. But some of her friends kept on teasing with Brittany; I really can't help but feel jealous.

I would've complained about how sensitive they are but I'm very well aware that they didn't know Santana and I are together now. All they know is that I'm 'YALE girl' who _friendzoned_ their friend.

I just want to think that Santana's in that table because she doing me a favor on keeping our relationship a secret, and not because she likes it better there.

* * *

Puck just finished singing and requesting Santana to sing. I smiled remembering the times when Santana will sing 'songbird' to me over the telephone.

"_Good evening, Fabray residence. How may I help you?" I casually answered the phone._

"_Good evening. Can I speak to Quinn, please?" she asked nicely. I recognized her voice immediately._

"_This is her speaking." I heard her sigh in relief._

"_I almost thought I dialed the wrong number because the voice sounded like it came from an angel." There she is with her sweet talk. "Which you're not obviously." She added quickly. "The funny thing is, I can almost hear you blush." Then she laughed._

"_Shut up." I pouted. "What do you want? You do know I have a cellphone right?"_

_I can practically hear her shrug. "The telephone is nearer to me at the moment." She casually replied._

"_What do you want?" I feigned annoyance._

"_I'm bored." She said briefly._

_I arched an eyebrow. "Well unlike you, Ms. Lopez, I have things to do, like studying. That's what normal students do."_

_She laughed at me. "What planet are you from? Seriously, Q. Normal students don't study, at least not when there's no tests the following day."_

_I sighed. "I'm not just a typical student then."_

"_Yes, you're not." She agreed. "Anyways, I met this beautiful lady and I'm planning to serenade her, do you think that's too peachy or its okay?"_

"_I think that's a bad idea because you can't even sing." I teased her._

_She scoffed. "You really don't know me yet, do you?"_

"_Huh." I replied. Come to think of it, I haven't really heard her sing. But I can tell that she has a beautiful voice that can make people swoon. But of course I wouldn't tell her that._

"_You asked for it. Don't blame me if you'd fall for me after this." She joked. I just scoffed at her because she didn't know that I already did. Or at least I think so._

"_Are you going to sing or what?" I said impatiently._

_I heard her clear her throat. "For you…there'll be no more crying. For you, the sun will be shining" she continued the song until the chorus. And I was stunned. And knowing Santana, she's aware that I was actually stunned. I know she's smirking at the moment._

"_What did I tell you?" she said proudly. "Would you look at that, Quinn Fabray is speechless."_

_I cleared my throat. I felt like that song was for me even when she already said that it's for a girl she just met. "You didn't finish the song."_

"_I think that's enough for a sample. It's for the special girl so I won't finish it yet."_

"_Whatever." I rolled my eyes. Does she really have to remind me that she's just practicing it on me?_

"_Hey, you're free to compliment me now." She stated._

"_I didn't like it." I lied._

"_What?" she exclaimed. "You definitely liked it. But never mind, what do I expect from you anyway? You're queen of denying"_

* * *

**A/N:**

**Another chapter for my lovely readers…**

**Sorry for any mistakes. This is non-beta by the way.**

**But please, please review… Tell me what you think about the chapters so far.**

**Just so you know Brittany might not be sticking around in this story…but I needed her to get the story moving. We'll see...**

**Thank you for all the kind reviews by the way and the alerts too.**

**I really appreciate it and it really keeps me motivated. XOXO**

**I'll update as soon as I can, as of the mean time I'm going to study for my midterm exam. So if you could kindly include me to your prayers? or Wish me luck. Either way. Thanks!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:**

**First of all I want to thank you guys for all the reviews.**

**You don't know how happy I am when I get notified about a new review on my story.**

**And in case you care, I passed the exam! Yeah, how great is that, right?**

**So I got a bit carried away in writing; this chapter is longer than usual.**

**And please tell me if I'm moving a bit fast or slow, yeah?**

**I hope you like it!**

* * *

**CHAPTER 12**

* * *

_Love is inaudible—until you hear it. And once you do, you'll never forget the sound of her voice._

It wasn't the first time that Quinn heard Santana's voice. It wasn't the first time Quinn heard Santana's voice singing that song either; Songbird. But it felt just like the first time for Quinn. Santana had a clear, lyrical voice and her song remained in Quinn's ears long after the music has ended.

"I remember singing that…" the blonde snapped back to reality as she heard the same voice that drove her to her fantasies. "To a girl, a beautiful girl, I serenaded her without even knowing it." The Latina smiled remembering the memory looking down and looking back at the blonde, but the blonde's eyes was blue instead of hazel.

Quinn's smile faltered. She was expecting that look to be directed on her. She expected that that smile would be for her. Unfortunately, it wasn't. And that was enough to break her heart, right? It would've broken into pieces, if Santana didn't continue speaking. "This was the first time I sang this song to her in person."

And it clicked. It all comes back to them being in a secret relationship. Santana didn't look at Quinn because that would've been so damn obvious. So she's reflecting her words for Quinn to Brittany. As bad as that sounds, that was what the Latina is doing.

"This might not be the first time I would tell you this, but, I would've proudly announce to the world how much I love you, but they might steal you away from me, and I don't think I'm ready for that, yet." Santana said looking to no one in particular.

"She's obviously pertaining to Britt." Finn said to Rachel.

"But they were so open with their relationship, so it's unlikely to be Britt." Sam reasoned. Quinn could only smile.

"You're right." Rachel agreed. "Maybe it's Hanna." Rachel concluded since the two girls have been hanging out and Santana seemed to be looking at Britt who's beside Hanna. The short brunette could sense that the Latina was totally reflecting.

That obviously caught the attention of everybody in their circle. While everybody just stared at Rachel, Emily crushed her red cup she's holding. She's drunk, and although she knows about Quinn and Santana, she can't help but feel annoyed.

"Em." Spencer said hinting that Emily was a bit tipsy. She can sense that the girl beside her tensed so she held her hand and get the cup from Emily. She can't tell Emily that she knows about the whole Hanna-Emily-Aria love triangle so she just squeezed the girl's hands and kept quiet.

Of course the physical contact didn't go unnoticed by Aria, who has been stealing glances of the two for quite some time now.

* * *

"Ki-iiiss! Ki-iiiiss!" Puck and Kitty cheered like high school students. Obviously they were referring to Santana and Brittany.

The Latina's eyebrows furrowed. Her action totally backfired and now her friends think that she's still in love with Brittany. Brittany on the other hand was smart, and even if she isn't, she's not numb. The way Santana's head wanted to look towards the other blonde was painfully obvious. And the obvious fact that Santana sang to her hundreds of times in person gave it away.

Although, the tall blonde was curious on what Santana would do. She had an inkling feeling that what she has seen is not a one-sided love. And maybe this situation would give them a push.

Santana looked at Brittany looking for help. But the blonde just shrugged. Their friends continue to cheer, besides Puck and Kitty, the rest was cheering because they are intrigued on what the Latina will do next, and who she'll kiss.

Santana laughed nervously. This time she searched for another brunette for help; Emily. But her friend looked clueless on what to do too.

"Come on, guys. You should be entertaining me and not the other way around." The Latina tried.

"Oh come on, Lopez. You wanted to kiss the blonde too." Puck stated which made some of them smirk. Because he's description was totally vague.

Santana can see the uneasiness of her girlfriend, another reason why she shouldn't kiss anyone but her, but she wasn't sure if Quinn would be pleased, because it meant outing their relationship.

Brittany stood up which made Quinn stand up too. The rest was thinking about the same thing: Hanna is out of the question. Both blondes looked at each other intently. Santana was glued to her place.

It didn't take a minute for Emily to stand up and grab Quinn's hand casually.

"Uhm…sorry for the bad timing. It's already eight, I need to go." Quinn lied, hoping she sounded convincing and looked at her friends apologetically. She looked at Santana this time, "Happy birthday, again." Then she hugged the Latina and kissed her in the cheeks. Then she pulled away.

There was the confirmation that Brittany was looking for.

Hanna, Rachel, Sam, and Aria thought they got the answer.

The rest was left unsure.

While Santana thought she just received another gift from her girlfriend; a public kiss.

"Let's go?" Emily asked. The blonde nodded, bid her goodbye and walked out with the brunette.

* * *

"Thank you for the save there, Em." Quinn said after they arrived in front of the Fields residence in Emily's car.

"I don't think I've helped a lot, Quinn. Besides, you kissed her, it's like answering them, you know?" Emily replied.

"It's a kiss on the cheeks, Emily. Friends do that; I didn't confirm anything." The blonde smiled smugly.

"So does this mean you're still going to be open about your relationship even now?"

That made the blonde think. She actually did that to stop Santana from kissing Brittany, and now that she thought about it, it might mess up their relationship in lots of ways. "Yes."

That made Emily furrows her eyebrows. "We're your friends, Quinn. You could trust us." Emily tried to assure the blonde.

"I know, but, the more people know the more possibility that my parents would know too." She said with such fear and worry in her voice.

Emily hold Quinn's to stop her from fidgeting. "What are you really waiting for? When will you be ready?"

And Quinn didn't know, because although Santana clearly want to publicize their relationship, she didn't push the topic. She never pressured her. So the blonde took her time. All she really knew was that she was scared and unready. But she didn't thought about the limits. She wasn't sure how she'll be ready. Will she be ready when her parents would see things differently? That's unlikely to happen.

"I'm guessing you don't know." The brunette sighed. "I love you, Quinn. But I think you're being…" she hesitated but continued anyway, "you're being selfish and stupid."

Quinn was taken aback by her friend's last word. "What?" she asked in disbelief, not because she disagrees but because it was the first time she heard Emily say such a word.

"You heard me. I'm not going to say it again." She shrugged it off. "Why did you enter a relationship, if you'd both act single? It doesn't make sense."

"We're not. You don't see me dating some other guy. And I know Santana's not doing anything like that either." The blonde said defensively.

The brunette sighed. "You never dated anyone." She mumbled.

"That's beside the point. As long as we both know that we're together, I'm contented."

"Don't you understand? You're pushing her back in the closet. " Emily said in frustration, although she tried to speak calmly.

The blonde didn't expect that. Santana always seemed confident for who she is. She never saw Santana as someone who'd hide who she is, but then again, that's exactly what she doing now.

The realization on the blonde's face was obvious. It didn't go unnoticed by the brunette. "She didn't really struggle coming out, Q. Her parents just assumed, so it wasn't a big deal really. But her internal battle, I don't think that was easy for her. And now, she learned to embrace herself and —I'm just worried that she'd start doubting herself again. I love how she is now…"

"I'm trying to not get in trouble but I'm having a war in my mind. What if my parents are right?" the blonde asked sacredly.

"Then you should break up with her." She said seriously. "If you think it's a sin to love her then stop it now and let her move on."

The blonde shook her head, terrified of the idea. She can't imagine herself not being with Santana, so she answered, "If it's a sin to love her, then it's the only sin I'd willingly make."

"Then what's stopping you?" the brunette answered rhetorically.

Quinn breathed deep. "I know this might be a hard relationship to keep, because even if I want to, I can't show how much I care and love her in public." She started, "I want to shout to the world how much she really means to me, how great she is, how easy it is for her to paint a smile on my face. It's hard." She sighed. "But it's easier; lesser relationship breakers, lesser cock blockers. Sometimes, it's better to keep something so fragile than to show it to the world. I'm afraid it may be taken away from me so easily. Do you get me?"

"But are you happy? Are you completely happy? Because the way I see it Santana's settling, Quinn. Sure, she's happy, you make her happy and that's good. But at some point, the world will intrude your own world. Reality will barge right in and you have to face it. You have to face that you're not the only people in this world."

"I know what we're doing, Em." The blonde said stubbornly, trying to drop the topic.

"She would kiss, Brittany." Emily said abruptly. Quinn just stared at her, asking for an elaboration. "She would kiss her because she would try to not let them know. She would kiss her ex-girlfriend to keep your relationship a secret. She would kiss her to keep your own little world." She said with much certainty that it convinces Quinn, and not question it.

The blonde didn't say anything and just bury her face on her palms. She didn't dare to deny it. Because knowing Santana, she would do it; to protect their relationship; to protect her. "At least I know she would be doing it for us."

"But does it hurt less?" Five words. One question. That's what made me realize that if I don't do anything about it's either it would be too painful for us to stop or it would be too painful for us to not stop. Because we would both end up hurting each other to save our relationship for the wrong reasons.

Quinn didn't like the idea of Santana flirting with other girls just to act natural. Quinn likes a lot of things but sharing is hardly one of them. And she's pretty sure her parents would soon find it weird that she still has no boyfriend; and at one point or another they'll pressure her.

She wouldn't wait for Santana to kiss Brittany again, not because she needs to, this time, but because she would want to. The idea didn't sit well with Quinn. Santana might be tired of being loved in the shadows, and would slip away from her. And it doesn't take long to know that Brittany wouldn't mind loving Santana in the sunset, in rainbows, in public.

"Take me to our house now." The blonde demanded.

"I thought you said-" the brunette was cut-off.

"I'll tell them." The blonde said briefly.

"Shouldn't you be doing this with Santana?" Emily asked unsure. She does want Quinn to tell her parents, but she didn't expect now. Soon, but not now. She wanted Quinn to reconsider her decisions not make a rash one.

She shook her head. "I think this is something I should do on my own."

* * *

Santana cleared her throat. It wasn't hard for her to smile, "Where were we? Right, the kiss. Still up for that?"

Of course Puck and Kitty together with Finn gamely cheered.

The rest was surprised. And if they were pretty sure before, now they're at loss.

Santana tried to convince herself that what she's about to do is for their relationship; for Quinn. And so, when Britt stepped towards her looking at her for permission, she took a step forward as well. And when Britt slowly tilt her head and went in for the kiss, she gently kissed back.

The kiss didn't last long because Brittany pulled away. It was a peck that lingered just a bit. If it was because of the show they're putting, or because they missed each other; Brittany wasn't sure. But she didn't like it, she loved it but she didn't like it.

For once, they shared a kiss that wasn't passionate, a kiss that wasn't romantic, a kiss that meant nothing; so Brittany didn't like it. But nonetheless, it was a kiss from Santana so she loved it. If anyone was reading her thoughts they might hate her for loving it, but she did. Santana was after all, her greatest love.

But that was it. Santana and her agreed to settle for friendship, and she's planning to stick with that. For how long? She's not so sure, but she will. She'll at least try, because it's the first time she saw Santana smile that bright, without her being the reason behind it. And believe it or not, she's happy for her. And being the 'best friend' that she is, she's not going to screw that up.

Never in a million times did Santana think that her worst kiss would come from Brittany. She's not saying it is though, because, hey, it's Brittany. But it's far from their past kisses. This one was just…a show. And she's not a very good actress as she claims to be. So if the kiss was believable for her friends, maybe she did like it. But it was an, it-was-fun-while-it-lasted kind, because the moment their lips parted, her mind drifted back to her girlfriend. And it made her, for many reasons, guilty.

Brittany squeezed her hand after. Santana's pretty sure they were being teased by their friends but she was lost at her own thoughts to care. She just wanted to see how Quinn's doing. "Kurt, I believe it's your turn to sing." She said still holding Brittany's hand.

When Kurt grabbed the microphone, "Now if you'll excuse us." And heading outside, with Brittany.

"Oooh. Alone time." Kitty teased, then pouted. "You're such a jerk." The shorter blonde said, crossing her arms, "You invited me here to let me see you get back with one of your exes."

"Well, babe. That's why I'm here." Puck said as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I'm drunk, Puckerman. But not out of my mind." Kitty countered.

Santana and Brittany just laughed at them, rolled her eyes and went outside.

* * *

"Britt-" she started but the blonde dancer stopped her.

"You don't have to explain anything. Besides, I enjoyed the kiss." She lied, or said, or maybe half-lied, she's not really sure. And it didn't matter.

"I'm sorry for using you." That didn't sound right even for Santana. And it hurt her heart a little.

"Way to go rubbing it on my face, Santana." The blonde joked, well, in all honesty, as of the moment she's a bit confused to even know the difference of serious and joking.

Santana only sighed, too torn to even laugh. She can't laugh. Not when she didn't know what if Quinn's feeling okay. And not when she knows, Brittany's trying to be okay when she's really not. "I'm sorry."

Brittany sandwiched her face, and made her look at her eyes. Then she went in for another kiss, but this time, she gently placed it on the forehead. "I would say you could always use me if needed, but that would sound creepy so I won't. But you totally could." And ended it with her best smile.

It didn't change anything, but it made her feel a little bit better.

"You can't keep doing that." Santana stated holding the blonde's hands on her face. Brittany furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Kissing me. I have a jealous girlfriend." Then Santana smiled shyly.

The blonde scoffed. "You should thank me, you know?"

"Thank you." It was her turn to kiss Brittany in the forehead.

"Thank you too." Brittany smiled.

"For what?" Santana asked in confusion.

"For telling me the truth." It only occurred to Santana that she confirmed her relationship with Quinn. But the funny thing is that it didn't scare her. She knew Brittany would keep it, as if her own secret. Santana might not trust people easily, but it's always different with her best friend.

"Will you stop doing that?" Santana feigned annoyance.

"What now?" the blonde asked.

"That." She pointed at her mouth. "You smile like you know when the world's going to end."

Brittany just laughed it off. "Of course not. I don't smile like that, but maybe I'd ask Natalie Dormer when the world is going to end."

Santana could only smile.

"Now call your" Brittany said with authority, and whispered the last part, "girlfriend."

"I will. But I'm going to wait for Emily." She replied.

* * *

Quinn nervously stepped out of Emily's car. She walked towards their gate. "It's locked." She repeated louder for her friend to hear. "It's locked."

The girl stepped outside her car. "Locked?" she said skeptically, yet relieved. She can't hold in her smile.

"What part of this situation is amusing for you?" asked the blonde who noticed her friend's smile.

She chuckled. "I was worried because you're a bit rash, tonight, Quinn."

"You must be happy then, huh?" she asked bemused.

The brunette nudged Quinn. "Aren't you?" There she goes with her answer-questions.

She finally smiled, and sighed with relief. "Yeah. I haven't even thought of what I'd say to them yet."

"You imprudent child." Emily chuckled and messed Quinn's hair.

"You always tend to snap me back to reality, you know that?" Quinn asked seriously, but she sounded grateful.

She just smiled and shrugged. "Glad to help." Then her face turned unreadable. "Don't you have a key to your house?"

"I do. But my parents aren't here so I'd sleep at yours." The blonde said matter-of-factly.

"You didn't even ask for my permission yet." Emily pouted.

The blonde just scoffed. "You gave it to me minutes ago."

"That's because you said you can't go home because you didn't tell your parents that you're here." Emily stated.

Quinn just shrugged and stepped inside Emily's car, and so did the other girl.

* * *

The party went pretty normal, except, the celebrant wasn't all that happy.

"Em" Santana answered her phone.

"Quinn's at my house." Emily said briefly.

"What?! What happened?" the Latina asked worriedly.

"Nothing-" the Latina didn't even let Emily finished and rushed to the door.

"I'll be there in 10." She stated.

"Woah. Okay. You're leaving your own party?" Emily questioned.

"You're leaving your own party?" Hanna repeated unknowingly.

"How long have you been here?" Santana asked the blonde, cutting the line on her phone.

"A while." The blonde said, rubbing her own arms.

"You should be enjoying the party." The Latina said, slightly laughing mentally because she knows she should be the one enjoying.

"I could say the same for you." Hanna deadpanned. "Are you going to Quinn? Or Emily?" she asked bluntly.

"Both."

"Will you be back?" she simply asked.

Santana nodded and went inside her car.

"With Em?" she asked hopefully.

"I'm not sure yet." The brunette answered silently.

"Oh." She nodded and dismissed the Latina.

Santana didn't waste anymore time getting to her girlfriend.

* * *

"If it wasn't the great Santana Lopez." Emily greeted sarcastically.

"I was hurrying." The Latina said reason for ending their call abruptly earlier.

"Whatever. Anyways, she in my room." She led her on her room finding an almost asleep Quinn in her bed. "Quinn." Both of the girls said.

The blonde automatically stood up and hugged the Latina. "I'm sorry."

Santana laughed incredulously. "I kissed another girl and you're the one saying sorry." Before she even realized it, it slipped her mouth.

So she did kiss her, Quinn thought, slowly retreating from the hug. She expected it, yes, but it didn't stop her from hoping she won't.

"I'm gonna leave you guys-" Emily excused herself to give them some privacy.

Santana sighed and quickly grabbed Emily's hands.

"My mom isn't here. She's on Texas to visit Dad so you could take your time." Emily reassured.

"What I was about to say is that, I think there's someone waiting for you at my house." Santana hinted.

"Oh." Emily wasn't sure if it is, but she guessed it's either Hanna or Aria. She wasn't quite sure if she should be excited or nervous. "Would you two be okay here?"

"Yeah." The Latina nodded. And with that Emily closed the door.

Santana brought her attention back to the blonde who is now sitting on Emily's bed, looking at her hands. She sat beside her and held her girlfriend's hands. "It meant nothing, Q."

"I know." She said sadly. But it didn't hurt less—she wanted to say.

"They would suspect that we were together so I have to do something. Unfortunately my mind wasn't clear at that time. And she…she was just there." The Latina reasoned. Even herself, didn't find her words comforting.

"I'll tell them when they get home." Quinn stated indifferently. Santana was about to protest, on how she didn't need to do it now, on how she'd handle things differently from now on, but it didn't seem debatable so she just squeezed her hand. "Are you ready for that?"

Santana smiled. "I'm not so sure. No?"

"Me neither." The blonde answered. "But if wait until we're both ready we might be waiting for the rest of our lives, so let's do it. Okay?"

Santana nodded in agreement, watching this girl in front of her, admiring how brave she seems now.

"I was a bit rash. I should've controlled myself, but I know you were going to kiss her if I didn't stand up."

"I would've done the same thing, Babe." Santana tried to comfort her.

"Did y-"

"I don't think I'd ever enjoy kissing anyone else but you." The Latina said softly and sincerely, knowing what her girlfriend was about to ask.

The blonde smiled genuinely. "Would you like to come with me when I'd tell them?"

"Would you like me to be there?" when the Latina saw the uncertainty in the blonde's eyes she answered herself. "I'd like to be holding your hand in the most important events in your life, even if one of them is facing the wrath of your parents. In which, you know, I hope they wouldn't, because your dad is scary."

Quinn chuckled. "You know, you started at a very sweet speech but you ended up discomforting me."

Santana grunted. "I'm not good with words. You know that."

"It's okay. You're great at loving." Quinn deadpanned. Santana looked at her for a moment, with her endearing smile. She knew she was blushing.

"You're good at words." Santana stated.

"But not great at loving." Quinn sighed. "I guess we're balanced."

Santana kissed her on the cheek instead of saying something comforting.

They stayed silent for a while but Quinn knows Santana's gears were running.

Santana was thinking on the kiss she engaged before. Her kiss with Brittany earlier that night, and her past kisses with Brittany. Then her mind drifted on how Quinn looks at her, and how she never kissed her.

She thinks about how Brittany's and her past exes' kisses was lost in her mind comparing it to how the kiss in Quinn's eyes haunts her every passing day.

Quinn looked at her girlfriend, as if it was enough to communicate to the Latina. Santana looked back and opened her mouth but it took two deep breathes before she spoke. "What would you do if I kiss you now?" she asked hesitantly and carefully.

The blonde seem contemplate, but immediately came up with an answer. She stared at Santana, at her beautiful face and her plump lips, and realized she wanted nothing more but to taste it. "I would kiss you back."

"Well," the Latina leaned closer, and Quinn's legitimately concern that her heart might explode, "this is the part where I kiss you. I don't know if I'd be able to stop." Quinn just smiled and impatiently waited for their lips to touch.

It was the best first kiss in the history of first kisses for Quinn. It was as sweet as sugar, as warm as coffee. She felt like the world opened up and she fell inside. She was lost, it's like they were in their own little world, which she didn't know exactly where that might be but she didn't care. She didn't care because the only person who mattered was there with her.

* * *

"Hanna." Emily gently said waking the girl sitting on the porch.

It didn't take much effort for the blonde to open her eyes.

"You might get a cold here." The brunette said with concern.

"I was waiting for you." She said indifferently.

The girl could only sigh. "You wanted to talk about something?" she said, brushing away the thought that she herself waited for the blonde for quite some time to come around.

"It was Friday yesterday." Hanna started which earned a confused look from Emily.

"Yeah, as far as I remember it was." Emily answered awkwardly.

The blonde stood up and signaled Emily to stand up too. She breathed deeply, like she always do when she's about to say something important. "Would you be—are you still willing to be my Ms. Everyday?"

_If ever I ask you to have lunch with me next Friday, would you come?" Emily asked casually. It shouldn't be making Hanna's heart tremble but it did._

_The blonde smiled but her face fell just as fast, "I would want to." she frowned. "But I already promised my Fridays to Mr. Friday."_

_"Shame." Emily said, trying to sound indifferent. She put up her best smile. Although Hanna thinks it didn't reach her eyes. And the brunette might now know it but the blonde was as disappointed as she is._

_"Then I'd be your Ms. Monday, Ms. Tuesday, Ms. Wednesday, Ms. Thursday, Ms. Saturday and Ms. Sunday." Emily looked at Hanna before continuing, as if looking for permission to continue. She was smiling genuinely, which is a good sign, so she continued. "Until one Friday, you'll wish that you are with me instead, and then I'll be your Ms. Everyday." Emily said confidently with her confident smile._

Emily's mouth opened agape. The blonde continued, "You don't know how often I think about you every Friday since then, Em." She's right. The brunette doesn't know because she was too busy contemplating on how Caleb seemed to be a better fit for the blonde. She's too busy envying on how Caleb seemed to be making Hanna smile.

The brunette wanted to say something, anything but she seemed mute at the moment. So Hanna did all the talking instead. "One Friday came, when I wished that he was you instead, that I was with you instead. And the Friday's after that was no different." She sighed. "I know you said that this might be false love that I'm feeling, but I honestly think you're wrong. You don't know how I feel, Emily. And I probably don't too, but if this feelings still doesn't mean that I'm in love with you, then nothing makes sense to me anymore."

There were tears on Hanna's cheeks, but she wasn't crying, at least that's what she'd like to think because she doesn't want to look weak, not now.

Emily thinks that the noble thing to do when someone is crying is to comfort them, but if someone's trying to hide their tears, like Hanna is doing, she thought it's also noble to pretend to not notice, and so she did. So although she wanted to tell the blonde to not cry, she settled for "I just wanted to make sure that if we enter a relationship, or anything, it wouldn't be a charity work for you."

Hanna scoffed. "I just poured my heart out in front of you, Emily. And you'll tell me is that you're worried that this is just all out of pity?" she let out a frustrated sigh. "Did you not hear me? I'm don't mean to brag, but I have far more past relationships to compare to, and may I tell you that I've never felt this." She said without breaks. "I've never felt so vulnerable in my life. And I hate you for rejecting me the last time, but I'd give you another chance."

Emily pursed her lips, not sure of what to say. She wanted to just jump at the blonde and tell her that she's deeply in love with her to, but there are just so many things to put into consideration. She overthinks, she knows it, but that's what she does best.

"I know you're gears are probably twisting and turning, right now. But could you please just stop overthinking and creating problems that doesn't even exist?"

Emily, this time, was not able to say something witty as a comeback. She just stood there like a freaking scarecrow and Hanna is frustrated because she wants an answer. She never begged, or confessed her undying love for anyone because her past boyfriends did those for her. She was frustrated because she used to just wait, because that's what girls are good at, but she realized that Emily is a girl too, so they'd both probably be waiting for each other, so she made a move.

But now even if she didn't want to, she seemed to regret it. Because Emily seemed like she's going to reject her again, and she didn't know if she could handle that because it was painful the first time. "Answer me for fuck's sake!" Hanna shouted emotionally.

It seemed to work because she felt Emily's soft lips on her cheeks. "Calm down." The brunette tasted the salt of her tears. It just seemed to be her thing; she cries whenever she says something from deep down her heart beside from biting her lip, and Emily was fond at her new discovery.

She held the blonde's both hands, and Hanna stared at their intertwined hands. All she could think of was Emily's smooth hands wrapped in hers. It felt different from a month ago. Maybe it has something to do with affection, or love, or it might be something about not holding back.

"Believe me, Em. I'm in love with you." She said while her eyes were still fixed on their hands. "I guess I feel in love with you that moment on The Circle. Or maybe I was in love with you when you were acting all protective on us, or maybe even long before that." She then looked at Emily's eyes that were fixed on her, "But I don't have the confidence to confirm when actually because now that I look at you, it seems to me that there was never been a time that I wasn't in love with you."

Emily pulled the blonde close, kissing her, taking her by surprise. The blonde looked at her, touching her lips where the brunette's kiss lingered. It was a kiss that for her would never really end. Interrupted? probably. Paused? certainly. But for her, from that moment onward, she sees herself a breath away from kissing her again.

* * *

**A/N:**

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